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When I was overweight no one said anything to me, as soon as I started to loose weight the comments I got were "you look great". Saying that is fine with me. I did get called a sea cow in Highschool and believe it or not I was about 150 lbs then and to me that's not very fat or obese. I am still slightly overweight and have about 25 more lbs to go in order to get to goal.
It depends on the intent of the person who says it. It could go either way.
I have an annoying mother-in-law who disapproves of anyone who is at a healthy weight. Unless they're hauling around a big old gut, she complains that they're too skinny. And she thinks I'm anorexic...
I have a girl in my WW meetings who has the same issue with her MIL and husband. When she goes to eat at their house she doesn't like to eat alot and they snarl at her and her husband gets annoyed. He says to her that if she knows it makes his mom mad when she doesn't want to eat certain foods she cooked because she's watching her weight why does she do it??? She hates salad dressing and won't eat the salad because the dressing is always already on it. She's tried to get them to put some salad aside without it and they won't. I think in your case your MIL is Jelaous. Does she have a weight problem???
Location: Back in Melbourne.....home of road rage and aggression
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lubby
I have a girl in my WW meetings who has the same issue with her MIL and husband. When she goes to eat at their house she doesn't like to eat alot and they snarl at her and her husband gets annoyed. He says to her that if she knows it makes his mom mad when she doesn't want to eat certain foods she cooked because she's watching her weight why does she do it??? She hates salad dressing and won't eat the salad because the dressing is always already on it. She's tried to get them to put some salad aside without it and they won't. I think in your case your MIL is Jelaous. Does she have a weight problem???
Sounds to me like a mother in law who:
a) is a control freak
b) is insensitive to the needs of others
c) doesn't give a fat rats about the DILS needs specifically
d) probably doesn't like the DIL
e) can't give a good solid reason why she doesnt like her, tries to use sabotage so that the DIL will constantly be annoyed so the MIL can use that as a spring board for all kinds of issues
f) doesn't think anyone is good enough for her son, especially THIS one (and it wouldn't matter who it was, that DIL would probably always be THAT one)
In short, her MIL sounds curiously a lot like mine. Poor girl, I pity her.
At least my husband will stand up to his mother if it's needed. She sounds like she hasn't got anyone in her corner.
Location: Back in Melbourne.....home of road rage and aggression
402 posts, read 1,159,860 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PippySkiddles
To comment on anyone's weight,in any way is derogatory, It's disrespectful. It's rude.
PS I feel the same way, just don't say anything. I wish I could have the opportunity to see this scenario:
Formerly fat person runs into someone they haven't seen since they were fat. The person gushes about much weight they've lost, how wonderful they look now.
Then the person who lost weight says something like, 'thanks. I have terminal cancer so that helped a lot. I'm dying and feel like $h!t, but as long as I'm skinny who cares, right?'. And then walks off leaving that person feeling like an a$$ (hopefully).
I mean seriously,just don't say anything until you know what's going on. Usually people who WANT a comment on their weight loss will tip you off, fish for compliments/acknowledgement by pointing out that they're trying, and chances are they announce every ounce lost to anyone that can't get away.
a) is a control freak
b) is insensitive to the needs of others
c) doesn't give a fat rats about the DILS needs specifically
d) probably doesn't like the DIL
e) can't give a good solid reason why she doesnt like her, tries to use sabotage so that the DIL will constantly be annoyed so the MIL can use that as a spring board for all kinds of issues
f) doesn't think anyone is good enough for her son, especially THIS one (and it wouldn't matter who it was, that DIL would probably always be THAT one)
In short, her MIL sounds curiously a lot like mine. Poor girl, I pity her.
At least my husband will stand up to his mother if it's needed. She sounds like she hasn't got anyone in her corner.
No she had no one in her corner and the only advice my leader could give her was to stick to her guns on the wight loss journey and have a private talk with her husband. Her husband does not stand up to his mother.
I have a girl in my WW meetings who has the same issue with her MIL and husband. When she goes to eat at their house she doesn't like to eat alot and they snarl at her and her husband gets annoyed. He says to her that if she knows it makes his mom mad when she doesn't want to eat certain foods she cooked because she's watching her weight why does she do it??? She hates salad dressing and won't eat the salad because the dressing is always already on it. She's tried to get them to put some salad aside without it and they won't. I think in your case your MIL is Jelaous. Does she have a weight problem???
Yes she's strugged with her weight all her life, but I don't think it's jealousy in her case, I just think that she subconsciously wants others to be heavier so she feels more comfortable fitting in and not feeling so physically different. I also suspect she has a touch of body dysmorphic disorder in how she perceives other people, she sees people as being a lot thinner then they actually are. A relative of hers was at a normal weight (not skinny, not fat) for most of her adult life, but recently started growing soft around the middle. My MIL commented that she looked better now, as she felt she was too skinny before. Hubs and I raised an eyebrow at that comment, it was apparent that her perception is a bit messed up.
When someone tells me that 'You look skinny' whether it is a male or a female, is that compliment, neutral comment or something negative?
Ever get that?
Depends, are you skinny after having been a wee bit overweight? Have you been walking or jogging or whatever and toned and tightened a bit?
I always take it as a compliment no matter what unless it is my Mother who just KNOWS I haven't been eating properly but I'm sure that is a Mother thing....LOL
I do think "you look great!" is the preferred compliment, but I have a feeling that men and women would react to "you look skinny" differently (depending on the tone, of course.) It's probably more of an insult to men than to women.
Personally, skinny = bony. So I don't think of it as a compliment. Thin = small with no muscle tone. I think lean, healthy and fit are much better descriptors.
But generally speaking never comment on anyone's weight.
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