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i got driven to madness by people telling me i look skinny all the time, so i embarked on a 10,000 calorie per day diet, and now i have 8 new rolls of fat, i can even lick my own nipples, and my bed has collapsed.
I've thought about this for awhile before deciding to respond. My first reaction would be to consider it a compliment, because I've always struggled with being overweight. After thinking more about it, I think it really depends on who says it and their overall tone. If my friends (or family) notice my weight loss and call me skinny, I would consider it a compliment. They are true friends who care about me and my health (and I have several other family members on WW-we support and encourage each other), so I would never read any jealousy or ill-will into a comment like that. If they said "look at you, skinny b*tch!" I'd smile and say "that's my goal!" Plus, I know they are just commenting positively on my weight loss, because there's no way I'll ever be "skinny." I don't think it's possible with my genes.
If my husband said it, I wouldn't consider it as much of a compliment, because I know he doesn't find skinny women attractive and doesn't want me to be skinny. He wants me to be healthy and happy with myself and if that means losing weight, he is totally supportive. If he makes any comments, it's to tell me I'm looking good or that he can see what I'm doing is working or that I have more energy. THESE are the compliments I truly take to heart and mean the most to me.
I suppose it is rude to comment on someone's weight, but I have told friends and coworkers that they look good and I can see the difference. However, it's usually only when I know they are working on it, and I don't make a big deal out of it.
In a country where overweight is the norm I would take it as a compliment. I have had people of both genders think it was somewhat funny when I said I need to lose some weight.
My favorite reply: I'm not too skinny, you're just too big/fat.
Yeah, I say-- "I'm cutting back, I'm trying to lose weight" also Usually get's alaugh.
Location: Back in Melbourne.....home of road rage and aggression
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I think after a lifetime of being bullied,humiliated, belittled and patronized about my weight, I'm probably too sensitive about, however, I still think it's just plain flat rude to comment on someone's appearance one way or the other. I really do think it's just bad manners. I remember the concept of manners but you rarely see it in practice these days!
But thats how it is now. Society in general has moralized appearance, equating certain traits and characteristics, certain descriptive words, with "good and bad". attractive = good, ugly =bad. Thats bad enough in and of itself, but it's made even worse by the fact that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Add to it that it's widely accepted that fat automatically =ugly, and thin/skinny/slim/trim/whatever non-fat term you like automatically =attractive and you've got a whole mess of conflicting ideas and confrontational behaviors.
I say leave comments about appearance completely unsaid, and just say something neutral like, I haven't seen you in ages! How are you? Or It's so great to see you again. Chances are the person will give you clues about what is acceptable to talk about.
I typically tell friends I have not seen in a while that they look nice or great.. I wont necessarily mention weight unless its a substantial loss. I certainly wouldn't consider it rude to tell someone they look nice..
I think after a lifetime of being bullied,humiliated, belittled and patronized about my weight, I'm probably too sensitive about, however, I still think it's just plain flat rude to comment on someone's appearance one way or the other. I really do think it's just bad manners. I remember the concept of manners but you rarely see it in practice these days!
But thats how it is now. Society in general has moralized appearance, equating certain traits and characteristics, certain descriptive words, with "good and bad". attractive = good, ugly =bad. Thats bad enough in and of itself, but it's made even worse by the fact that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Add to it that it's widely accepted that fat automatically =ugly, and thin/skinny/slim/trim/whatever non-fat term you like automatically =attractive and you've got a whole mess of conflicting ideas and confrontational behaviors.
I say leave comments about appearance completely unsaid, and just say something neutral like, I haven't seen you in ages! How are you? Or It's so great to see you again. Chances are the person will give you clues about what is acceptable to talk about.
I was teased and bullied about my weight too as a kid and thinking back I wasn't that overweight compared to many youngsters I see today. I learned to get over it and say "F-it who cares what they think" I think we all need to learn to say the hell with everyone else and move on.
Location: Back in Melbourne.....home of road rage and aggression
402 posts, read 1,159,860 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lubby
I was teased and bullied about my weight too as a kid and thinking back I wasn't that overweight compared to many youngsters I see today. I learned to get over it and say "F-it who cares what they think" I think we all need to learn to say the hell with everyone else and move on.
Hmm. Sadly, I never learned to get over it. No matter that my common sense tells me that the only opinion of me I need to worry about is mine, I still have the auto response of 'what will/would ______ think?'. Pathetic, but that's my reality. I'll be 40 this year; for the last 30 I've been telling myself to ignore them, don't let it get to me, let it go let it go let it go. Now I just say f-it, this is just how I am. :-)
No matter how rude it is/isn't, people will still do it. In fact, I just copped a "you're looking well...have you lost more weight" not 60 minutes ago. Ran into a family friend at the servo, been about..... 6-7 weeks?, since I last saw her. I haven't lost or gained weight, although i have lost some tone as I've been slacking off the exercise because I've been so flat put at work. (Gotta stop that.) Anyway, because ive lost some tone, I've sort of...."spread out" a bit so my jeans and tops are actually a little more snug. Would that not make someone appear to have gained weight??. the kicker is that when I said no, no weight loss, she actually tried to argue with me that of course I had! Because, you know, I don't know my own frigging body.
Which takes me back to one of my previous comments in this thread that i think people will say certain things because they're conditioned to, thinking it's what you say to people you like, it's polite to pay a compliment, whether it's true or not. I don't know, but it irritates the ever loving $h!t out of me. Just say, "good to see you", for Gods sake! Aarrgghhh!!!!!
Perhaps I'm suspicious and paranoid, but I interpret a skinny remark as a negative comment. I'm male, 5'10", but only 140 pounds. Even in my mid-30s, gaining weight is a struggle. It's a problem when meeting other people, and especially trying to sell yourself on the dating scene, since women generally don't like to date guys who are shorter/smaller/skinnier than them.
When two-thirds of the nation is overweight, and you live in a part of the nation where doctors consider nearly a third of adults obese, you will stand out as a skinny guy.
Perhaps I'm suspicious and paranoid, but I interpret a skinny remark as a negative comment. I'm male, 5'10", but only 140 pounds. Even in my mid-30s, gaining weight is a struggle. It's a problem when meeting other people, and especially trying to sell yourself on the dating scene, since women generally don't like to date guys who are shorter/smaller/skinnier than them.
When two-thirds of the nation is overweight, and you live in a part of the nation where doctors consider nearly a third of adults obese, you will stand out as a skinny guy.
If you are eating a healthy diet and have a proper caloric intake - don't worry about the stupid comments. Can you jog or walk fast for 30 minutes without losing your breath? Hike uphill? Can you touch your toes? How many push ups/pull ups/sit ups can you do?
If you can do those things, thank your lucky stars and keep on doing them. If not, you may have some room for improvement health-wise.
Perhaps I'm suspicious and paranoid, but I interpret a skinny remark as a negative comment. I'm male, 5'10", but only 140 pounds. Even in my mid-30s, gaining weight is a struggle. It's a problem when meeting other people, and especially trying to sell yourself on the dating scene, since women generally don't like to date guys who are shorter/smaller/skinnier than them.
When two-thirds of the nation is overweight, and you live in a part of the nation where doctors consider nearly a third of adults obese, you will stand out as a skinny guy.
My girls get this crap all the time. My youngest is 5'8 and 100lbs and she's a non stop eater. My 20 yr old is 5'2 and 98 lbs. She's also a non stop eater. She just had her doctor tell her that she has an eating disorder. We laughed until we cried.
They stick out like sore thumbs because a large portion of ppl in their age group are either chunky, fat or obese...very few are skinny or thin.
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Plus, I know they are just commenting positively on my weight loss, because there's no way I'll ever be "skinny." I don't think it's possible with my genes.
the kicker is that when I said no, no weight loss, she actually tried to argue with me that of course I had! Because, you know, I don't know my own frigging body.
