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With me, it would depend entirely on the woman and the circumstances.
For example, if my son had been killed fighting overseas, and a very nice young woman whom I did not know that he had been seeing (as might the case if he had been living his own life in another state) introduced herself to me by letter and enclosed a photo of the child and left it up to me if I would like to see them or communicate with them, I would welcome both her and the child with open arms.
However, if the child was the product of a short-term affair or a one-night stand, and the woman was "trashy" in any way and just showed up on my doorstep and angrily said that my son "owed" her but was refusing to do anything for her or the child, I would probably say, "That is not my problem" and close the door in her face, so to speak. That is probably harsh, but where I could accept the child, I could not accept that kind of woman into my life if I was not legally obligated to do so. However, if my son were to take "ownership" of the child (child support and at least occasional visits), I would then be willing to be involved in the child's life, as long as I did not have to see or communicate with the child's mother, also -- unless, by some miracle, my son married her and/or I came to believe that either she had changed or that I had misjudged her.
If I just received a birth announcement in the mail, though, I would talk to my son and make up my mind from there.
Just noticed the date on this thread...wonder what ever happened???
Generally speaking it's a good topic for discussion but the first thing I look at on CD is the date. Surprised others don't. Now maybe a first-time poster but those of us who have been around should always look at the date first.
Location: Scott County, Tennessee/by way of Detroit
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Originally Posted by no kudzu
Generally speaking it's a good topic for discussion but the first thing I look at on CD is the date. Surprised others don't. Now maybe a first-time poster but those of us who have been around should always look at the date first.
I did and it was like June 15th....didn't notice the YEAR THOUGH....
So i have been battling this same issue. I know this is a old post, but for the people that read this now looking for input. so my situation is the standard screwing around, i got pregnant, he wanted a abortion. Although he is the one who insisted on no protection. anyways. I have this thing, about my belief that these are his parents, and it's none of my business what they do and don't know. You know what though ? It isn't about them Or even him. It is about my child knowing her family... yes her family. They are no longer just his family they are hers. so guess what?? It is no longer just his business they are HER FAMILY ALSO! so i am gonna speak on behalf of her. Not for them or to hurt him. For her! You can never have to much family I will do right by my child. no one ever mentions the kid. Seriously?They want something to do with her, that is Amazing if not, life will move on. As for them wanting nothing to with the child because he doesn't, who wants those kinda people in your childs life anways. That isn't just their child's child it it their grandchild. why is everyone acting like the mother is out to rob the grandparents. i can honestly say most mothers, are just trying to do right by their babies. With whom matter most.
It's up to HIM to tell his parents, and geez, he's 40 and worried about what his parents think? He doesn't still live at home in a 35yo twin bed does he?
I think regardless of the circumstances, his parents will be elated to be grandparents. My situation is that 3 years ago we (me and my fiance, boy's mom) got invited to my fiance's mother's place to have a pasta dinner with them and her two kids and his girlfriend. He was 19 girlfriend 18..... we are sitting at the table chatting away, when her son slides something across the table to his mom.......ultrasound picture. She was like "what the phuk is this????? this is a joke, right?" Well, she is Oma and I am Grandpa (Jim). Oma is totally in grandma mode. She can't seem to buy this precious little girl enough stuff. We are an hour away and Oma works 6 days to get her 40, so she does not see the princess enough. Kid has two biological Grandpa's as well (Grandpa Joe and Grandpa Jay, but the girl's mom is out of the picture), but I'm pretty sure I'm the favorite, because when I can't make the trip, princess says "where Grandpa?".
And make sure the child gets dad's last name, and if things look shaky, make sure you go to court for child support. If you are both college grads, he is on the hook until the child is 22.
I am a grandma that just found out yesterday that my 27 year old son has a 16 month old son from a one night stand. He has absolutely no interest in the mother and I am extremely upset that I am just now finding out about this baby boy. I of course want a relationship with my grandson and am very disappointed in my own sons lack of interest in his baby boy. They both live in another state and since i have never met her I asked my son to share my info with the mother and to ask if I can be a part of his life. I’m so angry with my son because you would think something like this would wake you up and make you grow up but he still acts like an immature teenager. He gives her no financial support and has only seen him twice. He insisted on a dna test which proved he is the father and I’ve seen photos and he looks exactly like my son. I know he has no interest in the mother but I’m disappointed that he doesnt own up to his responsibility for his son and try to be a part of his life.
To get back to your question I do not think that you should send a baby invitation to the grandmother. It is her sons responsibility to tell his parents about the baby but you definitely don’t want to shock someone by sending them an invitation. That’s not a good start to what could be a good relationship to your baby. My son should have told me when he found out she was 3 months pregnant but he did not so I can only move forward from here. All I can hope is that I can be a part of JJs life now and I hope that your baby’s grandparents get that opportunity as well. I’m sorry you have to deal with this alone and God bless you for having the baby and taking care of it. It’s not an easy road you are on and it’s important to have support. Your boyfriend needs to tell his parents ASAP and give them a chance to be in this baby’s life. Best of luck to you.
I think if you send a birth announcement, also send a nice letter, saying, "Sorry to shock you, but I wanted you to know you have a grand baby and I'd like you to be in the child's life.
Guy is not a grown up. His parents are probably not any prize either. Other than financial support I would not engage with him or his family. You can provide a loving home for a child without dragging a Maury Povich type family into the poor child's life. It's his job to tell his family. If they want to be a part of his life,then you have a decision to make. The father..will only be another child in your life should you continue the relationship. It will get old fast.
Maybe we could all get together and send something to this fatherless kid on his 7th birthday.
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For your child
I will do right by my child. no one ever mentions the kid. Seriously?They want something to do with her, that is Amazing if not, life will move on. As for them wanting nothing to with the child because he doesn't, who wants those kinda people in your childs life anways. That isn't just their child's child it it their grandchild. why is everyone acting like the mother is out to rob the grandparents. i can honestly say most mothers, are just trying to do right by their babies. With whom matter most.
