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My 3 grandchildren live 3 hours from me- 2 girls ages 5 and 3 and their 6-month old baby brother. Their only
"sleepovers" at my place have been when DS and DDIL were here, too, but I've had the girls on overnights at hotels. Tried the oldest when she was 4; DS and DDIL's house was full (other finally visiting) and I offered to get a hotel and then asked about taking the 4-year old with me. They loved the idea and we had a great time- the view of the river from the 4th floor, the big white bed (she could barely climb up on it), waffles at the breakfast bar- it was all new. If she'd awakened during the night and wanted to go home I would have done it. Nope.
Since then we've been to Chicago 3 times and she's now 5. One-hour flight, one night in a hotel the first time, two the next 2 visits. She's stuck on the Hilton O'Hare because of the airport view from the room! We've explored the Aquarium, the Field Museum, the Children's Museum and taken a boat ride. Last time we used the subway and the bus- she loved the subway.
So... at Thanksgiving, full house again and I got a hotel. This time I took both girls. Of course the 3-year old loved it, too. They got to choose bedtime snacks from the gift shop (both got packs of sugary cereal) and had breakfast in the Executive Lounge. I think I may take both to Chicago next fall when the younger is closer to 4.
I think it's very good for kids to be away from home and learn a little independence when they're ready. I'm profoundly grateful to DS and DDIL for trusting me with them. I'm competent, sober and I love them dearly, but I'm not sure if I could have watched DS get on a plane with a grandparent when he was 4.
They're good kids and I don't violate their parents' rules (other than a little more junk food- the older one had her first ice cream sandwich in Chicago- but DS and DDIL are OK with it). They get enough rest. They don't run wild. When they return they're happy and full of stories. DS and DDIL are also a little more rested. Win for everyone.
But then I'm not the kind who would kidnap a week-old breast-feeding baby and give it formula. Wow.
loved having sleepovers …..gives one on one time ...without parents around..
good time for kids to listen to their grandparents ..
grandparents aren't around forever so let them have the kids if they want them
From reading this thread (and other places) most people agree with you. I think that it is only the "outrageous" and totally inappropriate situations that parents are gripping about, like the grandmother who wanted sleepovers for her two month old grandbaby who was exclusively breastfeeding (grandma ended up kidnapping the baby in the middle of the night, driving the baby to her house without a car seat and feeding the baby formula) or the grandparents who "rile up" their grandkids so much (from staying up late, being permissive and extra sugar) that it takes the children days to recover and get back to their normal behavior or the grandparents who live far away who want a baby/toddler/preschooler to visit for a week or two.
Is it just me or are today's grandparents obsessed with sleepovers? Both sets of grandparents always talk about having the kids overnight. They both live nearby and see the kids plenty. I don't see then need for kids of any age to sleepover. Dropping them off for the day is fine because you can do things with them and have fun. Why the need to have them sleep there? All they do is sleep.
When I was young I never ONCE slept at either grandparents houses and I LOVED spending time with my grandparents and saw them all the time. It gets to the point where every time I ask them to babysit they try to turn it into a sleepover. They always let the kids stay up past their bedtime and spoil them to death. Then when they get home they are tired whinny messes. They act rude and entitled and cranky for 48 hrs afterwards.
It's not worth it to me and I see no benefit. So whats the deal with this? Isn't spending the day with grandkids enough?
Also to add: We are not asking them to babysit late at night. I'm talking any time of day is turned into pushing a sleepover on us.
Wow...
My daughter and her fiance live just up the block from me. I see my (4 year old) grandaughter a couple times a week. (well at the moment, Im 'homeschooling' her because her preschool is closed so she comes here at 730am and her momma picks her up at 530p that way she can continue to work).
Last night I had a sleepover 'after school'.
I DO keep the same rules - bedtimes, bathtimes, type of food etc so the routine doesnt change other than she is at my house. BUT, the ONE thing different is that at home she sleeps in her own bed. Here at my house she sleeps in my bed with me
I have much more patience and time to do fun things with her. We go on long nature walks and talk about flowers and how they grow. We are growing flowers in the back yard. We make fun projects (bouncy balls and paper mache) We talk about alllllll sorts of things.
I remember when my daughter hit her teen years and she was rebellious and awful. I sent her to my parents house for the summer. She came back so much better. She needed somewhere to go away from 'home' and my parents (who also live near my sister and brother) were great.
When my grandaughter hits her teen years, she can always run away from home to me... and she knows she will be welcome here AND her Momma will know she is safe
In 'the olden days' there were many more extended, nuclear families where aunts and uncles and grandparents would help raise the children and the children seemed to be much better adjusted.
It's not worth it to me and I see no benefit. So whats the deal with this? Isn't spending the day with grandkids enough?
This statement kind of tells the tale on Mom. "It's not worth it to me"?
But it's not about you, it's about the children and their right to know their extended family. It's about having grandparents dote on their grandchildren, about making memories that will last a lifetime, about experiencing another household and different ways of doing things.
When I was young I never ONCE slept at either grandparents houses and I LOVED spending time with my grandparents and saw them all the time.
This sounds odd. Never? Why not?
Then when they get home they are tired whinny messes. They act rude and entitled and cranky for 48 hrs afterwards.
My father, a self-centered controlling personality, used to complain about that when my brother and I returned from staying with our grandparents (Mother's parents).
The mother of our great-niece, who is like our granddaughter, complains about the same thing when great niece stays with us. The mother is self-centered and controlling, as was her own mother by her own admission.
Not saying this is the case with OP, but her stated concern is that having the children stay with their grandparents over-night is an inconvenience for her
Is it just when they spend the night at grandparents that they return spoiled?
But not after spending the whole day with them?
This sounds like a control issue, which invalidates the concern in my opinion.
The temptation to be controlling with one's own children must be resisted. Once indulged it's a hard habit to break and can lead to many problems between adult children and the controlling parent.
Sometimes parents forget that their little ones won't be little forever. They grow up. Parents do not own their children, they are loving caretakers for a very short period in the life of the child.
I slept over at one set of grandparents a lot and it was so fun. They kept the same rules and bedtime. However, they played with me all the time and cooked all my favorite meals. Even as a teenager I would occasionally go over for one and we would play cards all day. Even though I am 65 those are precious memories.
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