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"But after 7 years I have friends, a job I love and a great life there, with not being there I will miss a lot, and also wonder if a marriage can last under those circumstances."
Interesting. You did not mention that you loved your husband or that you have a loving husband. Time for a break maybe?
I think something else is going on. I think the marriage hasn't worked for whatever reason and OP is wanting to "test" the waters with moving back to her children and grandchildren who probably won't have time for her and she sit alone wondering what she was thinking unless she really just wants to end the marriage in the first place.
I think "sacrifices" should have been discussed and decided before the marriage rather than after. OP sounds bitter about the decisions that she made and seems to blame the husband.
Best of luck. After five years of friendship and two years after a divorce I asked out a friend. She'd also been divorced for 18 years. We married 18+ years ago and in that time moved from northern California to the Ozarks of SW Missouri, a region she'd spent about 10 years in earlier and always wanted to return to. We've been here for six years. Despite some medical issues on both our parts I though we were happy.
Silly me! Just a half hour ago I watched our car disappear around a bend in the road with her and one of her daughters whom we'd flow out here from CA in it. She's returning to where her "real" family is. It's where she an de I met and married but the tugs of children and grands was too much for her even though I made sure she went back for visits.
You have a difficult choice to make, Beatrice. I hope you make the right one.
I think something else is going on. I think the marriage hasn't worked for whatever reason and OP is wanting to "test" the waters with moving back to her children and grandchildren who probably won't have time for her and she sit alone wondering what she was thinking unless she really just wants to end the marriage in the first place.
I think "sacrifices" should have been discussed and decided before the marriage rather than after. OP sounds bitter about the decisions that she made and seems to blame the husband.
There is no villain here. People grow and people change. Life happens.
Many, many people live far from their grandchildren and adult children, and manage to have healthy, close relationships. If you don't have a normal relationship with your kids, it isn't necessarily because of the distance. There is no guarantee your kids will stay where they are, so I think it would be foolish to give up your life with your husband to go back to them. The condo thing might work, if you can afford it, but you better make sure your husband is on board and be very careful about how much time you spend there.
I sense some resentment, maybe even stronger than the sadness of not being near your children. And, I agree with those who have said if things were different between you and your husband's children, you probably wouldn't feel the pull to return to your own children while giving up the life you've made for yourself.
I think it's unfair to place our happiness on the shoulder's of our grown children. I have one grandchild, and he lives 8 hours away. I make do with pictures and a couple of visits a year. He sees his other grandparents several times a week. It is what it is. My parents lived 12 hours away when my own kids were born. They came up and stayed for the first couple of weeks, and despite the distance, my kids knew, and adored them. But they lived where they were happy, and that's my attitude also. My life is with my husband. My children's lives hopefully will always have room for us, but not because we feel the need to live nearby.
I love Happy in Wy's post. Keep up the good work. Clearly the OP has no integrity. Her promises and words mean nothing. I doubt very much that she has made all the sacrifices. Did she pay all the bills? She willingly moved to his home, admitting that her job situation wasn't so good, so she may have taken advantage of a financially stable man, and now when its convenient, and she can walk away with some of his assets, she's ready to pull up stakes and go back to her children. She should have stayed where she was at in the first place.
Ive read the Grandparents forum a little bit (I dont know why, I dont have kids) and find it sad to read the threads where grandparents move where their children are, uprooting their home and their friends, and then find how disappointed they are when they move, and their kids have their own life, and the grandkids start to grow up, and have their own life and friends (and electronics) and want little to do with their grandparents.
I see the reverse all the time. Family is very important.
Every person I know that has a close relationship with a grandparent always seems well grounded.
Geography has nothing to do with a good and close relationship with family.
My grandparents lived in Utah and we lived in California. There wasn't time or money for many visits and the distance definitely had A LOT to do with our hardly having a relationship.
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