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I really do not understand. My mother in law begged us for years to move to the same state so she could be closer to her grand daughter. She told me that if I moved, she'd be there to help me out any time I needed it. So we moved. It was a difficult move and took a long time for us to settle.
Ever since we moved, she doesn't want to take her grand daughter unless it fits into her schedule. Whenever I ask her to take her, which might be once a month to every two months, she says she has plans.
When Easter came, she decided she wanted to take her grand daughter to an easter party at her church. When I said "no" and that we had plans already, she blew up on me.
When I was sick a week ago, and needed help, she would not take her grand child to help me at all.
I got a note from her telling me she can only watch her grand child when it fits into her schedule. This might be every 2 months or so.
I'm fed up. I don't know what to do. And it's really hard telling my daughter "grandma can't take you" when she begs me to go spend time over at her house.
My husband and I were talking about moving back home, and when he mentioned it to his mom, she threw a fit and said I was taking her grand daughter away from her.
That must be so frustrating for you and hard to understand for your little one. Did your husband tell his mom that one of the reasons you moved near her was for your daughter?? I think I might have to remind her of what she said...of course hubby will probably have to do that.
Im expecting my first grandchild in November, and Im so happy that my son has married a woman that includes me in everything. I wish you luck!
I really do not understand. My mother in law begged us for years to move to the same state so she could be closer to her grand daughter. She told me that if I moved, she'd be there to help me out any time I needed it. So we moved. It was a difficult move and took a long time for us to settle.
Ever since we moved, she doesn't want to take her grand daughter unless it fits into her schedule. Whenever I ask her to take her, which might be once a month to every two months, she says she has plans.
When Easter came, she decided she wanted to take her grand daughter to an easter party at her church. When I said "no" and that we had plans already, she blew up on me.
When I was sick a week ago, and needed help, she would not take her grand child to help me at all.
I got a note from her telling me she can only watch her grand child when it fits into her schedule. This might be every 2 months or so.
I'm fed up. I don't know what to do. And it's really hard telling my daughter "grandma can't take you" when she begs me to go spend time over at her house.
My husband and I were talking about moving back home, and when he mentioned it to his mom, she threw a fit and said I was taking her grand daughter away from her.
I would live where it is best for you, your husband, and your children. If that's back home, everyone will have to deal with it. I'm sorry things didn't work out as you thought they would. Don't ever give in to emotional blackmail. Good luck.
I feel for you. Yikes! Some children are so demanding, some are so withdrawn, but it sounds like you are trying to be in the middle. Yes, grandma has plans, but it's not like you are trying to force your daughter on her all the time. The sick thing really gets to me.
My parents tell us all the time: Do what makes you happy and what is the best for your family--not us. You and your husband have to do the same thing. If you are really unhappy, then move. Your husband will have to tell his mom in exactly those words: We are doing what is the best for our family. We are glad we were able to live close to you for these few years and wish we could have seen even more of each other, but now...
My MIL went crazy when my first son was born, trying to take him all the time. We have always lived hours away, but when we lived only four, she visited once (she gets 11 days off at a time every month, as well as her usual three in a row every week). Now she is crying because we live 2000 miles away and our next move won't be any closer. Well, I guess you should have visited us more often before. (For the record, we went down to her house several times while living four hours away.)
As for the original question, it seems like a lot of grandparents think that buying the child stuff equals time spent with them.
She sounds like someone who just wants to have control. I think you need to do what is best for your family. If that means moving back, then so be it. You'll never get her to change her behavior, so don't stick around thinking things might change. You can tell her your thoughts and feelings, but I doubt it would change anything. I'm sorry your daughter ends up with hurt feelings, too. I don't know how to explain that one to a young child.
I cannot understand why anyone would not want to be involved with their grandchildren. My wife and I spend every second we can with our precious grandchildren Natasha and Nicholas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am going through the same situation with my mother. A wise person on another thread thinks todays grandparents are redefining the traditional role. I think the days of doting grandparents that beg to watch the grandkids, so they can spoil them, are over. These former baby boomers are all about them and what works for themselves. I've heard from several of them that "they've done their child raising and they dont want to do it anymore." They want "their" time now.
You need to do what is right for your family and not worry about your MIL. If moving back "home" is the best then you should do it...especially if you are not happy living where you are right now. Your MIL probably liked the idea of you being close so that she could be involved with her grandchild but when reality struck, she obviously changed her mind. She sounds self absorbed and you know the old saying..."you can't teach old dogs new tricks". She is not going to change. Live your life. She is living hers.....
I am going through the same situation with my mother. A wise person on another thread thinks todays grandparents are redefining the traditional role. I think the days of doting grandparents that beg to watch the grandkids, so they can spoil them, are over. These former baby boomers are all about them and what works for themselves. I've heard from several of them that "they've done their child raising and they dont want to do it anymore." They want "their" time now.
And I have heard that that the children of those baby boomers are unrealistic. That they expect their parents to spend all their free time with the grandchildren so their parents can do what they want. I guess it just depends on who you are speaking to.
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