The Disconnected and Lonely Experience of Modern Society (employment, generations, death)
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It's been observed that compared to generations before us, we live in a very disconnected culture.
Even Time Magazine, a few years back, stated that Americans (and individuals of other Western nations) are experiencing much more problems associated with loneliness compared to what their parents and especially grandparents used to be.
In other words, today's "social capital" is at an all-time low, and is continuing to decline. Our realities are becoming more and more isolated, and it is hard to say that things will eventually mend by themselves.
The question of this debate is, should we even bother? Is this something that we must accept as the evolution of our society, or is it something that can be worth the effort to reverse?
It's been observed that compared to generations before us, we live in a very disconnected culture.
Even Time Magazine, a few years back, stated that Americans (and individuals of other Western nations) are experiencing much more problems associated with loneliness compared to what their parents and especially grandparents used to be.
In other words, today's "social capital" is at an all-time low, and is continuing to decline. Our realities are becoming more and more isolated, and it is hard to say that things will eventually mend by themselves.
The question of this debate is, should we even bother? Is this something that we must accept as the evolution of our society, or is it something that can be worth the effort to reverse?
Good question. I believe it takes two to connect with each other. If someone isn't willing to do their share in connecting with another person, it's not going to happen. So technically if somebody wants to make friends, get a date, get married, etc. just because they want it really badly and try really hard really doesn't mean it'll happen; it just means the chances are higher and that the person in question is doing what they can do to help their chances.
A lot of people blame technology for today's social climate, and therefore it's easier for people to text all day, sit on Facebook or online chat and talk to their friends rather than go see them. But I think that's only part of it. I think it's the fact that Americans work longer ours, commute farther, and struggle financially more than in past days and this has a hand in it, along with plain old evolving social protocol.
In my situation, I'd love to have a coworker or two that I'm friends with (not necessarily outside work; it just makes working where I work easier) and you'd think considering the high turnover where I work I'd make more friends. But everytime I do, they leave while the people who are more difficult to work with stay for longer periods. I don't understand that at all, but I digress. So for me I feel that it's almost not worth working at making friends with coworkers anymore but that's just me.
Good question. I believe it takes two to connect with each other. If someone isn't willing to do their share in connecting with another person, it's not going to happen. So technically if somebody wants to make friends, get a date, get married, etc. just because they want it really badly and try really hard really doesn't mean it'll happen; it just means the chances are higher and that the person in question is doing what they can do to help their chances.
A lot of people blame technology for today's social climate, and therefore it's easier for people to text all day, sit on Facebook or online chat and talk to their friends rather than go see them. But I think that's only part of it. I think it's the fact that Americans work longer ours, commute farther, and struggle financially more than in past days and this has a hand in it, along with plain old evolving social protocol.
In my situation, I'd love to have a coworker or two that I'm friends with (not necessarily outside work; it just makes working where I work easier) and you'd think considering the high turnover where I work I'd make more friends. But everytime I do, they leave while the people who are more difficult to work with stay for longer periods. I don't understand that at all, but I digress. So for me I feel that it's almost not worth working at making friends with coworkers anymore but that's just me.
Intersting post. I think it's a combination of technology, car-centricism and just an overall decline of manners, decency, compassion and respect, almost as if society is becoming more and more plastic and machine-like as time progresses. The advent of social media in particular has switched the focus of communicating from face to face or picking up the phone to IM, Facebook and email. You mention co-workers and I agree with your points. At the company I work for, seldom does anyone talk. We communicate almost solely via email or IM. There's no sense of teamwork - you just sit there in a cubicle until it's time to go home.
I am not old by any respects, but I've noticed that pretty much wherever you live, it's become a lot more difficult to make friends. While society seems to be more tolerant of certain issues at least (on face value), other important factors such as manners and respect seem to have fallen at the wayside and there are an increasing number of people who don't conform to the new "norms" who have been marginalized and cast aside.
Every man and woman is born alone, lives alone, and dies alone. Even surrounded by family and friends, we are all alone - alone in our thoughts, our sadnesses, or pain, our joys, our satisfactions. No one really 'shares' these things with you... they have their own perceptions and their own feelings about them.
I think that as a culture, Westerners were raised on this attitude, and had a lot of cussed independence that made them inventors, independent thinkers, everyone from Edison to Emerson. But recently, in the past several generations, there has been a general attempt to deny this. Insisting everything from 'it takes a village to raise a child' to 'we are family', we have insisted, even demanded, that we must have interested, fascinated, supportive, and even loving people around us - or we are failures. People are terrified to be alone, to trust their instincts, to trust themselves, to think thoughts and try to put them into action.
Instead we are like children groping in the dark, looking for someone, anyone, to save us from ourselves, our thoughts, our 'freedom' that we cannot handle. Because just as we are free to succeed, that makes it equally likely that we are free to fail - and failure is - BAD. Better not to try at all than to try and fail (and learn something in the process, grow, and try again and do better). We are taught by books, movies, magaizines, and the internet that instantaneous emotional gratification is a goal, and that constant love and loving strokes and warm fuzzies are necessary components of a 'healthy' life. Then we wonder why we are so unhappy, why we can't make relationships last, why we can't find a 'true love' or an ultimate job or the perfect place to live or an eternally happy life... We are taught that our self-esteem is dependent on others' rewards, instead of our own satisfaction over what we have achieved and accomplished. "Everyone deserves a prize!" is more destructive to the human psyche, IMHO, than no one ever getting a prize.
If you can't enjoy your own company, if you can't accept your own thoughts and feelings, if you can't love yourself without someone else's validation, you will forever be seeking yourself in others, like a small child chasing after the moon and falling, throwing himself on the ground, crying because he cannot get it and no one will bring it to him. The moon - and all that you desire - is in you. Even the Bible says it - "Love your neighbor as yourself". Western civilization has truncated that to "Love your neighbor". How can you know, love and respect others, or ever hope to get to know, much less get the love and respect of others, if you do not know, love and respect yourself first?
I have many friends, make friends easily, keep them for years and years, have been married for 29 years, have had a full and busy life - but I love and often even prefer the time I am alone with my own thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams.
I can agree with all that has been said because the answers all reflect the combination of issues that make us more so alone now-a-days than in the past.
if I were to discribe one of the reasons, among so many others, for our aloneness I'd discribe it this way; On the stage of life there use to be one microphone. everyone learned that there could only be one lead singer, and the rest of us as background singers, and dancers and such. this made for an easy understanding of the story being told in the overall performance. however later down the road it was discovered that a few background dancers could also sing lead, and some of the actors could also beat the drums. Wow!
suddenly America went on a new kindda resource search, PEOPLE!
People now know that they can sport themselves as the next best asset. in order for this to be counted so, people must start to THINK differently about themselves. think what? think that they are the BEST AUTHORITY on something, anything that makes them the master of even just one thing useful enough that they can be selected as an advantage to __________ and thereby choosen for the highest seat, even if the seat must be invented for them. makes things all the better for the person, right?
now this isn't all bad because so many other freedoms that help mankind is come about through this path of evolving the mind about self. whew! thank goodness for that, however among the good comes several down sides to this.
this downside of loneliness I believe comes from discovering, and defining our own indiviual "finger print" in this world. we are alone, and very much so when we begain to get wind of our own MOLD. we are greatful to have uncovered it, and it can also be a blessing to others, nevertheless it soundlessly breach us from others. why? because we can never really go back to abiding with ourselves, or others without the "mold" being forever present in the room with us.
like a fingerprint does, it's on everything we touch, and absent from everything we don't touch. this alone changes so many things and in some way changes everything. it's like trying to live without your own distinctive identification. suddenly YOU can see it, and others can to. the breach happens because each crowning fingerprint in the room, with every other kindda crowning print in the room has made for us a new challenge.
how do we all be heads, and none of us be the tails? how do we fit together with honor for each other specialness without paining one another to death, because like rudolph's nose which shines so bright WE CAN'T TURN IT OFF OR TURN IT DOWN. lol
it's something we must learn to do if we are gonna survive, and fly once again in some kindda order, because we honestly can't all lead the sled. flying is gonna have to be enough for most of us.
I don't think at this time we really know that we're gonna have to pipe-down our specialness, and gain a new sense of ORDER that allows us to benefit from the best of one another skills, as those skillsbecome mostneedful and not most entertaining, or most profitable, or most self-absorbed pleasure. we have made more room for our individuality and therefore indirectly taken space from the friendship seat in our lives. in fact we've actually given the seat to ourselves, and we are become our own best freinds. we trust ourselves more than we do others, and in many cases for good reason. after a while sadly some find out later that they aren't really good friends with themselves. gasp! here comes the real pain, but that's another topic.
[smiling]...I also think trusting leadership has done very little to encourage THIS friendship thingy with others/neighbors. as a country don't know if we are really fairing to well in the friendship department. [smiling] we are less encouraged to follow leaders on a grand skill, I think, and thus have looked deeper inside ourselves to become the leaders we believe we can follow. lol...we are lonely partly because we are, to some degree, really willing to follow mostly only ourselves. heaven help us maaaan!
children are better at making friends because they basically enjoy the company of others. that's all. nothing else. just the more the marrier! heehee
skills, gifts, and talents really have no importance invested in the invite of, "wanna be friends?"
[sorry for any misspelled wordz. I do try and spell check az I go.] lol
Last edited by crystal-sea; 11-26-2011 at 02:27 PM..
Interesting thoughts, however I often notice people who say they have no friends, or feel lonely, but then learn that this person is married, with children, relatives, etc. Valid nonetheless, but some people don't have any of those supports, and that may be where the disconnection in our society will be felt, more people fall through the cracks. It pains me to see the Tuesday's child segments where I live, with 17 year old kids that still hope to be adopted in the hopes that someone will be there for them after they turn 18...isolation knocks off lifespan, and having extended family around keeps you in check. While independence can be innovative, on the other hand commerce and small business during the last century was dependent upon a thriving population density.
It's been observed that compared to generations before us, we live in a very disconnected culture.
Why, though? We have technology that allows us to connect with people within the US and outside of the country that did not exist in previous generations. We should feel more in touch than ever before! Where my grandparents could barely converse with people within the town limits, I can converse with somebody across the planet! Perhaps the problem is we seek these virtual connections at the expense of our real life interactions?
Why, though? We have technology that allows us to connect with people within the US and outside of the country that did not exist in previous generations. We should feel more in touch than ever before! Where my grandparents could barely converse with people within the town limits, I can converse with somebody across the planet! Perhaps the problem is we seek these virtual connections at the expense of our real life interactions?
....and this is all well & good if you already have lot of family and friends, but the flip-side is that it's allowed a lot of people who don't to slip through the cracks and become almost completely marginalized.
Increased mobility is both a curse and a blessing. For example, there are three people who I've known from various stages of my life who I could consider a best friend, though none of them currently lives within a hundred miles of me, or indeed anywhere near each other - for all the use that is to me on a day-to-day basis in terms of being able to see and do things with them they may as well no longer exist. As employment becomes more concentrated in cities, those of us from small towns end up having to leave and families/groups of friends inevitably end up scattered
It's been observed that compared to generations before us, we live in a very disconnected culture.
Even Time Magazine, a few years back, stated that Americans (and individuals of other Western nations) are experiencing much more problems associated with loneliness compared to what their parents and especially grandparents used to be.
In other words, today's "social capital" is at an all-time low, and is continuing to decline. Our realities are becoming more and more isolated, and it is hard to say that things will eventually mend by themselves.
The question of this debate is, should we even bother? Is this something that we must accept as the evolution of our society, or is it something that can be worth the effort to reverse?
I have the answer for you young man...I've already written about the solution here, on another City-Data thread topic...that may give you some answers to your questions...
Please read through this, and you will find some of the answers your looking for...
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