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Not wanting some other dude to be railing your wife isn't being insanely jealous. The fact that you would suggest it is kind of answers the fantasy/propaganda question.
God I just seriously don't understand what you are trying to say...
I'm not a feminist, do not identify as one at all. It ain't my fantasy and I would never try to do it. And I'm not remotely suggesting anyone ought to give it a try if it ain't their thing. How on earth is that propaganda?
If I were spewing feminist propaganda, I'd want to make it sound like women could be effortlessly successful at whatever living arrangement or household configuration they wanted, if that be multiple women, or multiple men, or both. And that, statistically, is not the case. More women often equals more drama. How does that flatter women? It doesn't.
Again, this is no fantasy of mine. My poly quad was me, a boyfriend, and another couple as a group. Then I met a guy and dated him one-on-one, and it ended up that relationship worked better for me. I have zero interest in other men now, the one quite amply meets every need for sex and male romantic love in my life.
It ain't my thing, but I do know others, including a family that is close friends with my family, who are doing exactly this thing and it seems to work for them. It's not fantasy, and it's not propaganda, it is observation. How many poly people do YOU know? How many whose polycules have remained stable for years? What configuration were they?
Why not? Because I can only love one person at a time and same with my husband. Poly can work for some, I'm sure, just not us (and we've been together for almost 27 years). Neither of us can have a relationship with more than one person and we can't have love (which is polyamor) with more than one person. Our hearts belong to each other and nobody else.
I think some people get tired of eating the same thing day after day.
My great grandfather was Irish and went to live with an African tribe he had two wives,my great grandmother who was mixed and a full African wife.I don't know what it was like for them.
For me I have no interest in it,I just want to be with my beloved with no need for anyone else.
I'm just not interested in anyone else.In my younger years when I wasn't so in love it seemed more interesting to me.
I read a lot of ancient history,most ancient societies had extra wives and concubines,except the ancient Germans who were content with one wife.
Kinda risky. From a VD perspective, you could be exposed to stuff from lots of polies you've never even seen. As an RN, I've sure seen a lot of pretty disgusting people and pretty disgusting "down theres".
As I said in my OP it's not always about sex and many practicing poly sex doesn't happen. Might be someone you hang out with in front of the TV cuddling, etc. Just having said person with you.
Believe it or not some people today still have a quaint little thing called "morals' - it keeps you out of a lot of hassle, drama, and heartache -
And - I do not believe most people are bi sexual - I dont know why you would think that.
So if you are ploy you don't/ can't have morals? Because we're sexual creatures and while I've never had sex with another man I can look at another man & say "yeah he's a good looking guy".
Oh yeah, it is sufficiently enough to deal with one mother-in-law to understand the hardships of having 2 (or more...)
That sounds a bit like projecting though. Many people have no issues at all with in laws - and find them wonderful people to have around - very supporting - and a useful resource. In my own case as the M in a long term MFF relationship I get on very well indeed with the inlaws - and they are a wonderful resource in dealing with our children in terms of baby sitters and extra family stimulation and so forth.
If you have a poor relationship with your mother in law then you have my sympathy - but I am not sure that generalises to anyone else.
Quote:
Originally Posted by brrabbit
If a guy impregnates 2 women, and then would want to go out from the marriage (or if one of the girls decide to go out... - and asks for child support, ohh it will be so complicated).
It is only as complicated as you let it be. However I was under the impression we were talking about the complications of the relationship itself - not the complications of the relationship breaking down which is another subject entirely.
That said - in my relationship we have worked with a solicitor and have signed a ream of documents which detail what would happen in the event of the relationship breaking down - death of one or more of us - inheritance - next of kin and medical proxy rights - and so forth. None of it is complicated - and is all there in black and white entirely clearly for us to reference if any of those scenarios ever arises.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nancy in Nokomis
Believe it or not some people today still have a quaint little thing called "morals' - it keeps you out of a lot of hassle, drama, and heartache
Not clear what you are saying here. Are you suggesting that people in relationships that involve more than the "standard" two people are somehow lacking in morals? Because that would be quite the claim - the evidence for which I am dying to see.
I'd say that morals are too subjective to apply logically in this debate. If you say that your religion or upbringing has taught you that anything but one-man-one-woman marital sex is MORALLY WRONG, then there isn't much anybody can do to argue that with you. It's a belief. I've never seen anyone change their personal beliefs because someone on the internet disagreed with them.
However when it comes to society and what people can/should and can't/shouldn't tell other people to do or not do... I think you had better be able to prove that there is harm done or a lack of consent, before you go trying to tell others how to live. I am seeing no proof of harm or coercion in the poly groups I know. So even though I concluded that poly really isn't a good fit for my life, or even knowing how many times I've seen FMF triads attempted and failed...it is NO business of mine to judge anybody for trying to pursue their notion of happiness.
So..poly, why? Because you want to. Why not? Because you don't. Easy.
As for sexual health. That is an interesting point to bring up. When I was dating, most of the vanilla/monogamous "normal" guys in the dating world, expected a woman to have sex with him by date 3, and hoped he wouldn't have to use a condom (even if he was willing, if she let him get away with not doing so, he totally would.) Poly people I know have stricter rules about protection, testing, and more honest talks about sexual health than most "normal" folks I know in the dating scene. I mean seriously LOOK at the dating scene...you see tons of people who "date around" (and sleep around) without being honest, and there are plenty of folks who cheat (with deception) in the world, on their regular relationships. The main point that differentiates polyamory, is the honesty about what one is doing. But all of a sudden, you bring that in there, where multiple partners know about one another, or even more crazy, KNOW, or love one another...and whoa....that's just too much for people to handle. Can understand the serial monogamist who dates a ton of people one after another, or the non-exclusive player of the field, or (though it is shameful) the cheating spouse, is still "human, after all"...it happens...
But honesty is just a bridge too far?
Yeah.
So anyhow back to what I was saying about health. Most of the poly folks I know have a longterm "primary" partner, and do endeavor to minimize risks to that partner, by having "fluid bonding" agreements, rules about protection with outside partners, and regular testing. And I have heard more poly people who are actively seeking partners or dating actually openly disclose that they have something, than normal people who more often might just keep it secret and spread it. After all...they're just not used to being honest, when it's uncomfortable, now are they? Well. I know many are, but also, I know many aren't. All I'm saying is that poly often means more communication & honesty about all sorts of things, that is one positive aspect I've seen in it.
Been on this forum for a while now and I can't remember seeing a topic on this. If there was I might of missed it or it was before I got here.
What is it that people have a problem with this idea? Religious? Immoral? Is it considered a form of cheating? Even in a lot of cases there is no sexual contact involved. It's been around for thousands of years and in some countries it's still practice it. Many people practice it here in the U.S as well.
I bring this up because it's something that has always intrigued me not because I feel the need to sleep or have another relationship outside of my marriage. I do believe it's possible to be in love with more then one person at a time. Also I've been reading a book called The Ethical ****. Very interesting read as it talks about open relationships from those who have had them and still are.
My wife is bisexual ( I think a lot of people are.) And she has always wanted to have a third in her first marriage but her ex didn't like the idea. So maybe at some point it might happen either way it doesn't bother me.
I didn't post this in the relationship side because I think this would be a very good discussion instead of hearing about how it's cheating and one might as well stay single.
Would love to hear everyone's thoughts on this.
The thought does nothing for me. Somehow sharing the woman I love with another man or woman leaves me cold, and my lady, may she rest in peace, was not enamored of such....progessive. ..preclevities either. She share me willingly any more than I would her. I both loved and respected here far to much to treat her like some sort of toy, and to let someone else treat her thus would have been out of the question. Some of us still love our mates, and our relationship is about far far more than the gratification of our nether regions.
She was my lady. The love of my life. Meaning more to me than my own life. Not some physical receptacle for someone else to play with like an inflatable doll. At least that is how I see it.
Been on this forum for a while now and I can't remember seeing a topic on this. If there was I might of missed it or it was before I got here.
What is it that people have a problem with this idea? Religious? Immoral? Is it considered a form of cheating? Even in a lot of cases there is no sexual contact involved. It's been around for thousands of years and in some countries it's still practice it. Many people practice it here in the U.S as well.
I bring this up because it's something that has always intrigued me not because I feel the need to sleep or have another relationship outside of my marriage. I do believe it's possible to be in love with more then one person at a time. Also I've been reading a book called The Ethical ****. Very interesting read as it talks about open relationships from those who have had them and still are.
My wife is bisexual ( I think a lot of people are.) And she has always wanted to have a third in her first marriage but her ex didn't like the idea. So maybe at some point it might happen either way it doesn't bother me.
I didn't post this in the relationship side because I think this would be a very good discussion instead of hearing about how it's cheating and one might as well stay single.
Would love to hear everyone's thoughts on this.
I am all for it. It would cut down on the mindset that someone's SO is somehow their "possession" and they can control who that person associates with, talks to, etc. etc.
I know a guy who tries to do the "serious relationship" scenario, yet he has cheated on his current gf as well as the one before her (he had multiple OW's on the side of that relationship). It would be so much better for everyone if he were just honest from the get-go and stated that if they wanted to be with him they better be OK with an open relationship, because that's what it was going to be. But he's too much of a chicken sh*t to stick his neck out.
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