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The thought does nothing for me. Somehow sharing the woman I love with another man or woman leaves me cold, and my lady, may she rest in peace, was not enamored of such....progessive. ..preclevities either. She share me willingly any more than I would her. I both loved and respected here far to much to treat her like some sort of toy, and to let someone else treat her thus would have been out of the question. Some of us still love our mates, and our relationship is about far far more than the gratification of our nether regions.
She was my lady. The love of my life. Meaning more to me than my own life. Not some physical receptacle for someone else to play with like an inflatable doll. At least that is how I see it.
Why do you assume no one else could love her, and would only treat her as an object?
Do you understand that polyamory and swinging are not the same thing?
Swinging is outside casual sex. Polyamory is outside loving relationships. It is possible to love more than one person at the same time. The common saying is, "When you have a second child, do you stop loving the first one? No. You love them both. It's kind of like that."
I'm not arguing that you should have accepted or tried it. But I am arguing that the reasoning for your rejection of the concept, is not based on what poly actually IS.
What I am personally doing, is closer to poly than it is swinging. I have one sexual relationship. I have many affectionate friendships with others. Affectionate = hugging, snuggling, kissing, telling them I love them, supporting their projects and being there for them in times of need, etc.
The main differences between my bf and my other friends:
- I plan to live with and marry my bf, so shared life goals.
- He is the only man where contact with reproductive anatomy is allowed for me, though I'm ok to have sexual contact with other women and occasionally might.
- He gets most of my dedicated one-on-one time and energy. I see my other friends almost always in group social settings.
He knew from the beginning he would not be the only person I love. I love lots of people. I'm more into casual love, not so much casual sex.
Poly isn't really about casual sex. That's swinging.
Showtime had a TV show/reality show about three couples that practiced or were in polyamory relationships and they were all weirdos.
Well that goes without saying really. They hardly thing they will get "good television" out of following a family that are entirely normal in every other way. It simply would not get people watching. So they have to select weirdoes - in an attempt to make a show.
I would never recommend measuring any group of people by the examples from that group used in reality television. It would be like commenting on people in marriages - after having watched married people on Jerry Springer. The average person in a marriage does not show up on Jerry Springer - and I doubt the average person in a "non standard" relationship will be showing up on reality TV shows.
There was a thread a few years ago. I remember it.
I knew a woman--she was an instructor in a couple of classes I took, actually, who had two spouses. They were two men who were both married to her (not legally, of course, but they were in a committed relationship.) At the time I knew her, about 15 years ago, she had been with one spouse for seven years and the other for 13. The men were not bisexual, but they were so close that it really was the three of them living as a family and owning a house together. There were no children involved.
They were in the sci-fi world, writers and publishers, and the circles in which they moved did not find them odd because sci-fi people think outside the "norm" to begin with.
Just did a quick search. As of 2014, the three of them were still married.
Last edited by Mightyqueen801; 08-09-2017 at 10:36 PM..
There was a thread a few years ago. I remember it.
I knew a woman--she was an instructor in a couple of classes I took, actually, who had two spouses. They were two men who were both married to her (not legally, of course, but they were in a committed relationship.) At the time I knew her, about 15 years ago, she had been with one spouse for seven years and the other for 13. The men were not bisexual, but they were so close that it really was the three of them living as a family and owning a house together. There were no children involved.
They were in the sci-fi world, writers and publishers, and the circles in which they moved did not find them odd because sci-fi people think outside the "norm" to begin with.
Just did a quick search. As of 2014, the three of them were still married.
Your projections are interesting. I think most sensible humans would not give much credence to your ability to assess the sexual orientation of someone you don't know, have never met. So your comments really illuminate more about how you think, than about how those nameless and faceless others do.
So you believe that more than one man cannot be willing to share a sexual relationship with an individual woman, and a household together, unless those men had some kind of sexual interest with one another. I wonder why you believe this. Do you believe that most adult human interactions revolve around sex? Does this approach to relating work well for you?
And again...how many poly people do you know personally?
I seem to often run into discussions here where some people are defining for themselves how they choose to live and relate, and someone not involved, who does not know them, is bound and determined to say, "Nope. What you say about yourself (or others that you know well) is not true. My opinion is the truth, even though I am not even close to being anywhere in your shoes. Like not even the same shoe size here. But I know better about your life (or the lives of other people I don't know) than you do." I have never understood the motivation behind that. Probably never will. But I guess if it amuses you, then carry on.
I find that whole thing...odd...is all. Certainly odder than two men choosing to love the same woman, if that's what the pursuit of happiness looks like for them.
Your projections are interesting. I think most sensible humans would not give much credence to your ability to assess the sexual orientation of someone you don't know, have never met. So your comments really illuminate more about how you think, than about how those nameless and faceless others do.
So you believe that more than one man cannot be willing to share a sexual relationship with an individual woman, and a household together, unless those men had some kind of sexual interest with one another. I wonder why you believe this. Do you believe that most adult human interactions revolve around sex? Does this approach to relating work well for you?
And again...how many poly people do you know personally?
I seem to often run into discussions here where some people are defining for themselves how they choose to live and relate, and someone not involved, who does not know them, is bound and determined to say, "Nope. What you say about yourself (or others that you know well) is not true. My opinion is the truth, even though I am not even close to being anywhere in your shoes. Like not even the same shoe size here. But I know better about your life (or the lives of other people I don't know) than you do." I have never understood the motivation behind that. Probably never will. But I guess if it amuses you, then carry on.
I find that whole thing...odd...is all. Certainly odder than two men choosing to love the same woman, if that's what the pursuit of happiness looks like for them.
It's so easy to assume that a poly relationship is all about sex. Never understood that.
I'm guessing that the reason for this common misconception, is the fact that there are many marriages where everything is pretty good...except for sex. One or the other partner, has needs that aren't being met. It's not always the guy, either, despite what stand-up comedians want you to think! I have known a LOT of women, who continued to have a drive but as their husbands aged, sometimes they would experience some physical issues and then their egos wouldn't allow them to seek medical treatment, they would also then get so emotionally messed up about their inability to "perform" that they'd be all psyched out, adding a mental element to their already difficult situation...so it winds up being easier to just stop being interested in sex.
And of course there are the stereotypical couples where the woman, she has some kids, busy life, maybe college and/or career, whatever...and the spark just dims. She doesn't care about keeping the bedroom hot anymore. So the man perhaps, if he's wired to the cognitive flexibility to contemplate it, thinks about opening the marriage in some way. I've also met a few men who traveled on business and either through an arrangement with the wife, or just cheating on the sly (which most poly people condemn and will have no part of, knowingly!) will seek out hookups when they're away from the home and the wife.
So I run into many people who figure...well, I love my spouse, all the feelings are there, this person is my best friend and my partner, and we've been together ages and through thick and thin...but MAN, I wish I could just get laid more! (Or whatever.) But they are still, often, threatened by the idea of FEELINGS for others, so they can say they might have "meaningless sex" with secondary partners but "no feelings." The old, "Honey, you don't understand, she meant nothing to me!" routine.
Well, in the lexicon of those who practice poly and swinging as a lifestyle, the two aren't the same thing, but they both fall under the umbrella of "ethical non-monogamy" which is to say, honest non-monogamy. Where everyone knows what's up and has consented to the arrangement. Poly folks however, tend to think that it's not so easy to legislate emotions and make rules that you can have sex but no feelings...at least, unless we're talking one night stands or no-strings hookups. Some claim they can, but once in a blue moon you'll just get with someone and click so right that you feel loving emotions, like it or not. So the emotional end of it is perhaps more important to polyamorists (many LOVEs after all) than the sex part. I've known people who identified as poly, but were asexual, and simply had multiple romantic relationships at the same time.
Kinda risky. From a VD perspective, you could be exposed to stuff from lots of polies you've never even seen. As an RN, I've sure seen a lot of pretty disgusting people and pretty disgusting "down theres".
There are those that practice polyamory that are less promiscuous, more careful, and much more selective than some serial monogamists...
Many who practice polygamy (a subgroup of polyamory), for example, have exclusive relationships (not open to those outside the marriage) but simply mean there is more than one in the marriage. There is nothing inherently more risky about polyamory.. it is all about the sexual lifestyle choices of those involved.
This is the same misinformed statements as those that assume that polyamory is purely about sex and that it is inherently means a high level of promiscuity.
You last statement is even worse... are you saying all those disgusting people with disgusting "down there" are poly? Seriously? How does being an RN make that any more of a valid insinuation. RN's aren't allowed to be misinformed?
I cant imagine wanting to make my life more complicated than one wife and our own children. These people who do this stuff must obsess about sex. There's lots of other fun things to do in life than sex, and cheper, golf, hiking,tennis, books movies. How about anew hobby? Theres so much more to life than orgasms.
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