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These people who do this stuff must obsess about sex. There's lots of other fun things to do in life than sex, and cheper, golf, hiking,tennis, books movies. How about anew hobby? Theres so much more to life than orgasms.
Sigh, once again it's not about sex but seeing that you brought it up, humans are sexual beings hard to image huh? And we're avid hikers avid book readers, ourselves but we have...SEX in the tent outside the tent some times even a quicker off the trail. In fact reading for the both of us turns the other one.
Haven't you heard that reading is sexy?
Sex is a part of being in a relationship unless your spouse is not into sex or never has been.
There is also more to life then going though a relationship without sex. No, we don't obsess sex we understand it's a part of being human.
I cant imagine wanting to make my life more complicated than one wife and our own children.
Why do you automatically assume it makes things more complicated? From experience I can tell you the opposite. It does not make things more complicated at all. It just makes the complications different.
Quote:
Originally Posted by augiedogie
These people who do this stuff must obsess about sex.
Another interesting assumption there. What is it based on pray tell?
In fact given this thread is about a form of relationships - and you have made it about nothing more than sex - so far you are coming across more obsessed about it then they.
I cant imagine wanting to make my life more complicated than one wife and our own children. These people who do this stuff must obsess about sex. There's lots of other fun things to do in life than sex, and cheper, golf, hiking,tennis, books movies. How about anew hobby? Theres so much more to life than orgasms.
Is your relationship with your wife about nothing but sex?
Also, how is golf or tennis or anything cheaper than sex? Do you pay for sex? I don't. The poly people I know don't, either.
Frankly, the whole idea of keeping up another relationship on the side and keeping the lines of communication open with all the relevant parties, and the inevitable conflict that results from being forced to chose one person over another, even for some small time period, makes the entire thing seem like way more hassle than its worth, to me.
But, on a more practical note, its not widely accepted because the SECURITY factor of monogamy is compromised.
That said, at one time it wasn't considered altogether scandalous among the upper classes to have an affair, if it was carried out quietly, as the marriage was more of a contract arrangement for the benefit of two families. I've read books set in the 17 and 1800's and it wasn't considered a big deal unless it got out of hand; the example was a British Royal Naval Captain and MP that occasionally had a dalliance or two on the side. His colleague, that had several bastard children, was looked down on for his routine poor judgement.
That said, at one time it wasn't considered altogether scandalous among the upper classes to have an affair, if it was carried out quietly, as the marriage was more of a contract arrangement for the benefit of two families.
And why is that better than polygamy or polyamory? I'd say, if Christian religion won't insist on monogamy of marriage, there will be much less divorces.
As far as safety net, a marriage contract could take care of many financial disputes. And it's very easy to imagine predefined "Christian marriage" or "Muslim marriage" contract templates without any need to specifically write it up for each family (and each family then might alter it as it sees fit - ain't it better than rigid set of laws forced on us by our legislators)?
I don't have a problem with any arrangement consenting adults have between or among themselves so long as everyone is aware of the "rules" and agrees freely. I myself would not want a polyamorous relationship, but if others do, it's fine with me.
I have problems with a person only when someone pretends to follow whatever arrangement he or she had agreed to but does something else while hiding and lying about it. I guess that could happen in a polyamorous relationship as well as a monogamous one, depending on what was agreed upon.
It might be a complicated legal situation if this type arragement was ever considered a legal marriage and might result in some complications because our society is geared toward monogamy. Changes may be needed for Social Security, for example.
I don't have a problem with any arrangement consenting adults have between or among themselves so long as everyone is aware of the "rules" and agrees freely. I myself would not want a polyamorous relationship, but if others do, it's fine with me.
I have problems with a person only when someone pretends to follow whatever arrangement he or she had agreed to but does something else while hiding and lying about it. I guess that could happen in a polyamorous relationship as well as a monogamous one, depending on what was agreed upon.
It might be a complicated legal situation if this type arragement was ever considered a legal marriage and might result in some complications because our society is geared toward monogamy. Changes may be needed for Social Security, for example.
The poly forum I am on, we get plenty of people who were in monogamous marriages, and come with confessions saying "I have cheated on my spouse, I think I am poly, how do I tell them?" They treat this as "coming out" as poly, which is sheer garbage. And we (those with more poly experience) tend to tell them so. Cheaters using poly like some sort of a get out of jail free card. Nonsense. We tell them, stop cheating, come clean with your spouse, and don't be surprised if they want a divorce. You have wronged them.
For those who manage to approach a spouse about an open marriage (assuming there has not been cheating) and the couple is willing to consider it together, often one will want to be poly but the other does not. Sometimes they're willing to let their partner do so. We call that, "mono-poly" (monopoly, yes, haha ) And it could be either spouse. Sometimes one of them has, for instance, lost their sex drive, or they have incompatible kinks. I know many people who have a vanilla spouse but they're allowed to play on the side. Everyone's needs are met, everyone is happy.
But what we tell couples in these situations in the early stages of opening, is that you should look at it as ending the original relationship and starting with a new one. The terms have changed. You have to renegotiate everything. And you can never hold it against a monogamous partner if they don't want to share. You started the relationship on monogamous terms.
For those poly folks who agree to "polyfidelity" which is an agreement to only have specific set people in the relationship (like, Bob and Sue are dating Jenny and Joe, and no one is allowed to date anyone else outside of the quad) yes, absolutely, if you break that agreement, it is considered to be cheating and it's not ok.
There are books, blogs, sites, forums, and social groups about polyamory. These people have come up with a number of terms to describe various things. I know someone here on CD gave me a hard time about the labels once, but I'm not the only one who uses 'em, I learned them from other people--they seem to help folks negotiate for what they are trying to do. More power to 'em.
I'm just happy to have gained a lot of relationship and communication skills from my time as a poly person. There are ideas I learned from that, that help me a lot in my present monogamous relationship.
I have problems with a person only when someone pretends to follow whatever arrangement he or she had agreed to but does something else while hiding and lying about it. I guess that could happen in a polyamorous relationship as well as a monogamous one, depending on what was agreed upon.
It might be a complicated legal situation if this type arragement was ever considered a legal marriage and might result in some complications because our society is geared toward monogamy. Changes may be needed for Social Security, for example.
Check this chart out talk about being complicated.
Why do you assume no one else could love her, and would only treat her as an object?
Do you understand that polyamory and swinging are not the same thing?
Swinging is outside casual sex. Polyamory is outside loving relationships. It is possible to love more than one person at the same time. The common saying is, "When you have a second child, do you stop loving the first one? No. You love them both. It's kind of like that."
I'm not arguing that you should have accepted or tried it. But I am arguing that the reasoning for your rejection of the concept, is not based on what poly actually IS.
What I am personally doing, is closer to poly than it is swinging. I have one sexual relationship. I have many affectionate friendships with others. Affectionate = hugging, snuggling, kissing, telling them I love them, supporting their projects and being there for them in times of need, etc.
The main differences between my bf and my other friends:
- I plan to live with and marry my bf, so shared life goals.
- He is the only man where contact with reproductive anatomy is allowed for me, though I'm ok to have sexual contact with other women and occasionally might.
- He gets most of my dedicated one-on-one time and energy. I see my other friends almost always in group social settings.
He knew from the beginning he would not be the only person I love. I love lots of people. I'm more into casual love, not so much casual sex.
Poly isn't really about casual sex. That's swinging.
I would not share the emotions between us either more than the physical and she would have certainly felt the same. One couple, one love. This concept of "poly" repulses me. It's pretty damn simple to understand.
Wow poly? I'm so lucky to be made from natural materials.
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In fact reading for the both of us turns the other one.
) And it could be either spouse. Sometimes one of them has, for instance, lost their sex drive, or they have incompatible kinks. I know many people who have a vanilla spouse but they're allowed to play on the side. Everyone's needs are met, everyone is happy. 
