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There was a big stir with Adam Grant's article on "Languishing." He was thinking in terms of the pandemic, but I'm thinking it's really also like the numbness after open grief wears down. Society expects people to bounce right back. But we don't.
Nine months after my husband died, I feel a constant undercurrent of sadness. I don't like it and it's not "me" per se. I want it to go away but it just doesn't. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't walk around in the world all sad and blue and looking disheveled or anything like that, but I am very aware of it.
I try to stay busy because at least now I can BE busy with other things and actually get into them - which is an improvement. So I try to look at the positive way I am getting stronger. But I do know that when I stop being busy, and just sit, or get in the bed, or whatever, I am flooded with memories. Like in the bed, I can remember my darling husband sleeping beside me, or snuggling with him watching TV, or whatever. In the long evenings, as I watch a show or read, I feel melancholy. I really, really INTENSELY dislike this feeling, in part because it's so alien to me.
Each milestone I pass really does leave me feeling a bit stronger - like the first holidays, first birthdays, etc. I have no idea how I am going to feel on the actual anniversary of his death, which was absolutely THE WORST DAY I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED. But I do know I will be happy it's passed when it's over.
One thing that does bring me some comfort is knowing that my sadness, my ongoing grief, is evidence of the deep love we shared, and I am grateful for that love.
I know people vary in this area. My sister-in-law says that the death of her husband (my brother) has left her with trouble breathing. Even breathing is difficult due to this loss. It's affected her that deeply.
Nine months after my husband died, I feel a constant undercurrent of sadness. I don't like it and it's not "me" per se. I want it to go away but it just doesn't. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't walk around in the world all sad and blue and looking disheveled or anything like that, but I am very aware of it.
I try to stay busy because at least now I can BE busy with other things and actually get into them - which is an improvement. So I try to look at the positive way I am getting stronger. But I do know that when I stop being busy, and just sit, or get in the bed, or whatever, I am flooded with memories. Like in the bed, I can remember my darling husband sleeping beside me, or snuggling with him watching TV, or whatever. In the long evenings, as I watch a show or read, I feel melancholy. I really, really INTENSELY dislike this feeling, in part because it's so alien to me.
Each milestone I pass really does leave me feeling a bit stronger - like the first holidays, first birthdays, etc. I have no idea how I am going to feel on the actual anniversary of his death, which was absolutely THE WORST DAY I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED. But I do know I will be happy it's passed when it's over.
One thing that does bring me some comfort is knowing that my sadness, my ongoing grief, is evidence of the deep love we shared, and I am grateful for that love.
You've accomplished quite a lot in the short time since your husband left the earth.
Yes, you are very fortunate to have had such a great love! It must be really hard to have to have let that go, but do you try to talk to him? I think talking to a departed loved one can be very helpful and healing.
I know people vary in this area. My sister-in-law says that the death of her husband (my brother) has left her with trouble breathing. Even breathing is difficult due to this loss. It's affected her that deeply.
My seemingly healthy (for her age) mom became diabetic, acquired a cardiac condition, GERD, and a few other things. The stress of living alone was killing her. She had never, ever, lived on her own.
Nine months after my husband died, I feel a constant undercurrent of sadness. I don't like it and it's not "me" per se. I want it to go away but it just doesn't. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't walk around in the world all sad and blue and looking disheveled or anything like that, but I am very aware of it.
I try to stay busy because at least now I can BE busy with other things and actually get into them - which is an improvement. So I try to look at the positive way I am getting stronger. But I do know that when I stop being busy, and just sit, or get in the bed, or whatever, I am flooded with memories. Like in the bed, I can remember my darling husband sleeping beside me, or snuggling with him watching TV, or whatever. In the long evenings, as I watch a show or read, I feel melancholy. I really, really INTENSELY dislike this feeling, in part because it's so alien to me.
Each milestone I pass really does leave me feeling a bit stronger - like the first holidays, first birthdays, etc. I have no idea how I am going to feel on the actual anniversary of his death, which was absolutely THE WORST DAY I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED. But I do know I will be happy it's passed when it's over.
One thing that does bring me some comfort is knowing that my sadness, my ongoing grief, is evidence of the deep love we shared, and I am grateful for that love.
That's why I'd sleep on the couch as often as not. It was a really nice, comfortable, couch. When I started on one, I'd often end up on the other. I didn't sleep through the night for a long time.
Nine months after my husband died, I feel a constant undercurrent of sadness. I don't like it and it's not "me" per se. I want it to go away but it just doesn't. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't walk around in the world all sad and blue and looking disheveled or anything like that, but I am very aware of it.
I try to stay busy because at least now I can BE busy with other things and actually get into them - which is an improvement. So I try to look at the positive way I am getting stronger. But I do know that when I stop being busy, and just sit, or get in the bed, or whatever, I am flooded with memories. Like in the bed, I can remember my darling husband sleeping beside me, or snuggling with him watching TV, or whatever. In the long evenings, as I watch a show or read, I feel melancholy. I really, really INTENSELY dislike this feeling, in part because it's so alien to me.
Each milestone I pass really does leave me feeling a bit stronger - like the first holidays, first birthdays, etc. I have no idea how I am going to feel on the actual anniversary of his death, which was absolutely THE WORST DAY I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED. But I do know I will be happy it's passed when it's over.
One thing that does bring me some comfort is knowing that my sadness, my ongoing grief, is evidence of the deep love we shared, and I am grateful for that love.
That's why I'd sleep on the couch as often as not. It was a really nice, comfortable, couch. When I started on one, I'd often end up on the other. I didn't sleep through the night for a long time.
that word is appropo . Glad someone placed an article to explain it.
I called it Mulling.
As much as Grieving is labeled an individual thing, it takes a village to bring the person to a new level of life balancing. I've zero doubt that without the small kind gestures of friends and strangers I would have NOT gotten thru some of the darkest of times. There is not ONE good thing in the loss "in and of itself". It is the focal point for the griever. The by products though are numerous.
No way can I identify with "being" strong thru grief. My therapist said- Stop being an oak if you are a willow. Made sense, and I accepted that my grief was going to be bendable. Shielding . Wavering.
I don't know if grief fades. And I don't think of mourning as languishing, but perhaps it is in a way. I think of mourning as sort of existing, not living. I guess these types of feeling are different for each person and change as time goes on.
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