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I was listening to a pod cast that briefly touched on this thread topic. We often don't commit something to memory if we know that someone else, a spouse or parent, will have the same thing remembered. We depend on the other person's memory as if we parceled out certain things and concentrated on others. When that person dies we lose a large chunk of "our" memory that we had stored with them. We might not know how to do certain tasks because we didn't bother to remember how to do them or learn the skill. I have mentioned that my wife was the one who made friends and I had no idea, after she died, how to go about making new friends.
I was listening to a pod cast that briefly touched on this thread topic. We often don't commit something to memory if we know that someone else, a spouse or parent, will have the same thing remembered. We depend on the other person's memory as if we parceled out certain things and concentrated on others. When that person dies we lose a large chunk of "our" memory that we had stored with them. We might not know how to do certain tasks because we didn't bother to remember how to do them or learn the skill. I have mentioned that my wife was the one who made friends and I had no idea, after she died, how to go about making new friends.
I agree totally.
My brother wasn't much of a talker and didn't share many memories or thoughts with other people. I realized when he died that unless I told his kids all the cool little things about our childhood together, like how we used to get up on Saturday mornings and eat cereal till the whole box was gone and watch Saturday cartoons, or how we both got Schwinn bikes for Christmas one year but we both had chicken pox so we had to beg and beg our parents to let us outside and they only let us ride the new bikes up and down the (short) driveway, anyway, if I didn't tell these stories to his kids, they were gone forever once I die.
I remember thinking about my grandmother growing up with her four brothers, and how when they all died, they took so many small memories with them. I guess millions of small memories are lost.
Youtube
Handyman
Auto Mechanic
Electrician
HVAC guys
Plumber
A good sturdy ladder (not too high though) I like Little Giant.
All of these are going to be REALLY helpful. The only problem is the cost. Some things you might have to hire out because of the danger factor (even if you could do it, safer to let another do it). I'm sure there are more I didn't list, but these are the starters.
I was listening to a pod cast that briefly touched on this thread topic. We often don't commit something to memory if we know that someone else, a spouse or parent, will have the same thing remembered. We depend on the other person's memory as if we parceled out certain things and concentrated on others. When that person dies we lose a large chunk of "our" memory that we had stored with them. We might not know how to do certain tasks because we didn't bother to remember how to do them or learn the skill. I have mentioned that my wife was the one who made friends and I had no idea, after she died, how to go about making new friends.
That's very interesting. I never thought of that. Often is was easier to let your partner take care of it.
Overall, I was in charge of most things when my husband passed, so the transition was not horrible. I did end up stumped at changing my windshield wiper blades, and a few things, but I had awesome neighbors. I even went up the roof to recoat it in white reflective goop.
But I would say for the first year, I would look at something, think "I don't know how to do that" and then ignored it for months, but I think it was more depression. I just couldn't get enough energy to care about it.
Ha! The windshield wiper blades stump me. I am going to take it in and ask them to show me once and for all to figure it out. They need to be replaced so often.
Please don't kill the spiders that happen to be in your house. They came in to kill and eat tiny bugs that you might not even be able to see, or to meet another spider for spider fun. Use a jar to trap them on the wall, then slide a slip of paper so that they are encased in the jar, take it outside, remove the paper and walk away for a while. Then do what is needed to keep your place from being attractive to insects and bugs (there is a sticky on this in the house forum).
While you are congratulating yourself - with good reason - consider a visit a counselor or therapist to work on the greater issues of grief, interdependence, and co-dependancy.
I lost one of my closest friends several months ago. I could talk to her about most anything, and we had a lot in common so many of these conversations were about topics only she and I could relate to. I knew I would miss her when she passed but I didn't expect to feel an actual hole in my life.
My sister passed away last week. I am heartbroken. My dependence on her was that of a friend. We talked almost every day, shared our joys and sorrows, plans and schemes. Our plans were to grow old together in rocking chairs on the porch while drinking margaritas, maybe do some traveling.
My husband is not well and I've been his main caretaker for several years. I am glad to have him at my side throughout all this. He hasn't been able to do anything around the house so I've been learning by degrees. Now that my sister is gone, I don't want to do any of it but needs must. I thought she'd be there to comfort me when his time came. Life is upside down sometimes.
Our plans were to grow old together in rocking chairs on the porch while drinking margaritas, maybe do some traveling.
This breaks my heart. That is the crux of grief. 50% of the posts in the retirement forum are about making plans. We put in so much time, work so hard toward our hopes and dreams and the plan. And the poof, they are gone.
The plans for the future aren't applicable anymore. It is such a vacuum. And we are faced with that vacuum every day.
So sorry for your loss.
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