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Most days lately, I feel like an idiot. I never realized how little I know about navigating daily activities. I was very good at my job. I was the breadwinner. Home was my husband's domain. He was very particular (anal) about how things should be done. I was allowed to be #1 helper and we had fun together. But turns out I only learned enough to be dangerous.
Is it really possible that I took the only one of his many vacuum cleaners, weed eaters, air compressors, etc... that didn't work? Or given how perfectly he maintained everything, is it more likely, I am the problem?
Current Issue: The car's low tire idiot light came on. I have used this as an excuse to not go anywhere for the last month but the errands are piling up. I know that some gas stations have air pumps? But I have never used them. I have watched my husband use the air compressor to fill the tires. How hard can it be? You turn it on, you put the thing-y over the tire valve and it fills. He always kept tire gauges in every glove box w/ the correct pressure written on the gauge.
Idiot thing#1: So STUPID. I packed the compressor and had it moved while pressurized!
Idiot thing#2: I grabbed 1 compressor and 1 hose. Never checked to see if they were compatible w/ each other.
Finally, figured out the correct male and female ends amongst the compressor supplies that I grabbed. I was smart enough to check the oil gauge and to know that compressors take a special oil. That took another week to arrive.
At long last, my tires are filled. But there is so much stuff that I don't know, it makes me dangerous. Moving the compressor in the moving van pressurized was dangerous and someone could have been hurt. I attempted to fix the weed eater which smokes when turned on and I almost lost my thumb. Attachment 230711
I managed to go through life learning nothing about how to care for a home, car, yard, etc... Were you very dependent on your loved one? How do you cope?
Most days lately, I feel like an idiot. I never realized how little I know about navigating daily activities. I was very good at my job. I was the breadwinner. Home was my husband's domain. He was very particular (anal) about how things should be done. I was allowed to be #1 helper and we had fun together. But turns out I only learned enough to be dangerous.
Is it really possible that I took the only one of his many vacuum cleaners, weed eaters, air compressors, etc... that didn't work? Or given how perfectly he maintained everything, is it more likely, I am the problem?
Current Issue: The car's low tire idiot light came on. I have used this as an excuse to not go anywhere for the last month but the errands are piling up. I know that some gas stations have air pumps? But I have never used them. I have watched my husband use the air compressor to fill the tires. How hard can it be? You turn it on, you put the thing-y over the tire valve and it fills. He always kept tire gauges in every glove box w/ the correct pressure written on the gauge.
Idiot thing#1: So STUPID. I packed the compressor and had it moved while pressurized!
Idiot thing#2: I grabbed 1 compressor and 1 hose. Never checked to see if they were compatible w/ each other.
Finally, figured out the correct male and female ends amongst the compressor supplies that I grabbed. Attachment 230743 I was smart enough to check the oil gauge and to know that compressors take a special oil. That took another week to arrive.
At long last, my tires are filled. But there is so much stuff that I don't know, it makes me dangerous. Moving the compressor in the moving van pressurized was dangerous and someone could have been hurt. I attempted to fix the weed eater which smokes when turned on and I almost lost my thumb. Attachment 230711
I managed to go through life learning nothing about how to care for a home, car, yard, etc... Were you very dependent on your loved one? How do you cope?
No, I can't say I was dependent on my late husband very much. I already owned my own home when I met him and had previously owned one as well. My husband had three main interests: work, the rescue squad, and flying. I took care of house cleaning, grocery shopping, animal care, laundry, lawn and garden maintenance, and my own vehicle. All of that was in addition to working full-time in a job with extensive travel. When I was on travel I hired a pet-sitter because I knew he'd neglect the litter boxes. I'm not trying to sound mean about him; he had his priorities and day-to-day maintenance of things wasn't it. But he was a dedicated volunteer and he loved flying his Cessna. Unfortunately, I got airsick.
Most days lately, I feel like an idiot. I never realized how little I know about navigating daily activities. I was very good at my job. I was the breadwinner. Home was my husband's domain. He was very particular (anal) about how things should be done. I was allowed to be #1 helper and we had fun together. But turns out I only learned enough to be dangerous.
Is it really possible that I took the only one of his many vacuum cleaners, weed eaters, air compressors, etc... that didn't work? Or given how perfectly he maintained everything, is it more likely, I am the problem?
Current Issue: The car's low tire idiot light came on. I have used this as an excuse to not go anywhere for the last month but the errands are piling up. I know that some gas stations have air pumps? But I have never used them. I have watched my husband use the air compressor to fill the tires. How hard can it be? You turn it on, you put the thing-y over the tire valve and it fills. He always kept tire gauges in every glove box w/ the correct pressure written on the gauge.
Idiot thing#1: So STUPID. I packed the compressor and had it moved while pressurized!
Idiot thing#2: I grabbed 1 compressor and 1 hose. Never checked to see if they were compatible w/ each other.
Finally, figured out the correct male and female ends amongst the compressor supplies that I grabbed. Attachment 230743 I was smart enough to check the oil gauge and to know that compressors take a special oil. That took another week to arrive.
At long last, my tires are filled. But there is so much stuff that I don't know, it makes me dangerous. Moving the compressor in the moving van pressurized was dangerous and someone could have been hurt. I attempted to fix the weed eater which smokes when turned on and I almost lost my thumb. Attachment 230711
I managed to go through life learning nothing about how to care for a home, car, yard, etc... Were you very dependent on your loved one? How do you cope?
LOL I can so relate to this!
The other day, my disposal just stopped working. Thankfully, it had stopped working once before and I had googled it and figured out how to fix it, but even then I didn't WANT to fix it because typically my husband would have fixed it. He was the fixer. He had a bevy of tools and he would use them all. NOT ME, SISTER. I sold nearly all of his tools, though I did keep a few. And I've actually used a few of them, but that's not saying I LIKE to use them.
Just google how to use an air hose thingie at a gas station - or better yet, take your car in to a Discount Tire or some place else like that who will check it and fill it up, and even fix it if it needs fixing and can be fixed.
YouTube is very helpful.
But there are just some things I can't do or am unwilling to try to learn how to do. One of them is "use a power drill." WHAT? I tried that, I hated it, and so I'm not going to do it anymore. I hired someone to come drill into my brick and hang some things outside when I moved.
I hire someone to do the yard. I hire someone to maintenance the AC/furnace a few times a year. My goal in life is to hire out the things I don't know how to do.
I had to get rid of a spider today. I don't like to do that.
The biggest thing though is that I lost the breadwinner. I mean, I was employed too, but BY HIM basically. When he died, I lost his income and mine. That's been interesting. And of course since the government goes by 2019 tax returns for stimulus checks apparently, I haven't gotten any of those. Also, no unemployment. Ugh. And I don't qualify for his SS till January. So yeah, good times.
Here's a story that may make you feel better:
When I was a bank manager, I had a customer who was a local business owner. His wife unexpectedly died. He was a big, tall man, very handsome and clearly competent. He was a CEO of a successful company as well. Well, one day he came into the bank, and something in his eyes made me say "Hey, come into my office and tell me what's going on." The minute the door closed, this big, strapping, tall, competent man burst into tears. He told me that his wife had always handled all the bills, and that now he was afraid to even go to the mailbox. He didn't know the first thing about personal banking. I had to give him a quick course on it, which he took to and seemed to appreciate but still...the image of this bereft man sitting in my office crying has always stuck with me. He survived. We will too.
My husband and I had divided household chores and running the property between us based on what we like to do. So, I had my chores and responsibilities and he had his. Worked very well for many many years.
He died. Suddenly, all of his chores became my chores. They were his chores originally because I don't like them. I didn't want them forty years ago and I don't want them now. Unfortunately, they're mine and I resent it. I hate having to do everything myself. I've hired many people, but I'm not sure what they all do and if some things are not being done.
And it's almost impossible to have someone come over to your house at 7 am to get the spiders out of the shower!
I recently divorced my husband. If it’s something I don’t know how to do I pay someone to do it. I sold the house and bought a condo because I don’t want to take care of a yard. My yard is now a balcony so I can sit outside and look at the lovely lawn and flowers.
Most days lately, I feel like an idiot. I never realized how little I know about navigating daily activities. I was very good at my job. I was the breadwinner. Home was my husband's domain. He was very particular (anal) about how things should be done. I was allowed to be #1 helper and we had fun together. But turns out I only learned enough to be dangerous.
Is it really possible that I took the only one of his many vacuum cleaners, weed eaters, air compressors, etc... that didn't work? Or given how perfectly he maintained everything, is it more likely, I am the problem?
Current Issue: The car's low tire idiot light came on. I have used this as an excuse to not go anywhere for the last month but the errands are piling up. I know that some gas stations have air pumps? But I have never used them. I have watched my husband use the air compressor to fill the tires. How hard can it be? You turn it on, you put the thing-y over the tire valve and it fills. He always kept tire gauges in every glove box w/ the correct pressure written on the gauge.
Idiot thing#1: So STUPID. I packed the compressor and had it moved while pressurized!
Idiot thing#2: I grabbed 1 compressor and 1 hose. Never checked to see if they were compatible w/ each other.
Finally, figured out the correct male and female ends amongst the compressor supplies that I grabbed. Attachment 230743 I was smart enough to check the oil gauge and to know that compressors take a special oil. That took another week to arrive.
At long last, my tires are filled. But there is so much stuff that I don't know, it makes me dangerous. Moving the compressor in the moving van pressurized was dangerous and someone could have been hurt. I attempted to fix the weed eater which smokes when turned on and I almost lost my thumb. Attachment 230711
I managed to go through life learning nothing about how to care for a home, car, yard, etc... Were you very dependent on your loved one? How do you cope?
You tube is your friend. I learn how to do lots of stuff there.
But my beloved was not mechanically inclined. I had no choice but to learn. And often we learned together.
You can hire people to do things easily, and often they can explain things to you and show you how. I have ongoing issues for some reason with my water heater. And the water heater guy shows me if it does X do Y. I also have a notebook that I keep notes about this stuff in. Writing it down actually helps it cement it into my head, but then if I forget I have a resource to look at.
i remember when i decided at the age of 33 to get a divorce, after being married 13 years, and when i told my mother she began wailing in anguish, "You can't get a divorce" and of all the reasons that ran through my head about why she might say that, what came flying out of her mouth yes still wailing at me very upset "WHO WILL MOW THE LAWN !!!!"
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Solly says — Be nice!
