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Wow Time flies by but the feeling we get after we loose a loved one always stays with us. Hugs to you. On 8/26/22 was my Dad's 18 year Anniversary in heaven. I can't believe it was that long ago. I still remember it like it was yesterday. I remember that day so vivid in my mind.
^^^ I am still grieving for a lost one who passed several years ago. This idea that X weeks, X months, or even X years have passed and so we should be "over it" is not something I subscribe to. There is something called Complicated Grief that more doctors are recognising these days. I think it is very possible that we never recover from some losses. We perhaps learn to function better each day, but we remain scarred, crippled if you will. I think emotional damage can be as bad as if not worse than a lot of physical damage.
^^^ I am still grieving for a lost one who passed several years ago. This idea that X weeks, X months, or even X years have passed and so we should be "over it" is not something I subscribe to. There is something called Complicated Grief that more doctors are recognising these days. I think it is very possible that we never recover from some losses. We perhaps learn to function better each day, but we remain scarred, crippled if you will. I think emotional damage can be as bad as if not worse than a lot of physical damage.
Most who have walked the path of losing a spouse or someone of Heart endearing value would understanding that we don't recover . We adapt and yes sometimes we sock drawer it as a way to "appear" Strong.
When Kathryn shared with this online thread her loss, we each in a sense "re-felt" our own past griefs'. By listening to Kathryns' progress, we also learned her way of handling (coping). Her decisions were her own. Just as the respect of her grieving phases are her own. From the outside looking in....I had to accept that some sorrow cannot be understood...its that DEEP .
All I know is after an impactful loss, Most folks tend to RE_ARRANGE their priorities. Suddenly we don't get ired as quickly or invest as deeply in life. We are OKAY to let things be. There is a certain surrender ...and with that is a sense of peace I suppose.
Every loss is different. I have 2 friends that lost children at ages 4 and 19 and for me that would be the worst. I miss my parents but they were suffering and my mom was very old so it’s the cycle of life. I have lost 7 friends between the ages of 59-67 and that’s been very difficult especially one particular one that was my best friend. But life does go on and I intend to enjoy what’s left of my life.
I was just saying something similar. I remember my mother moving furniture around in the house in her 70s. I still feel pretty good despite the hardship of the past year, but at 64 I am definitely noticing that it takes longer to bounce back.
We were FINALLY able to move the BF up to his real home, a house on a lake, for a long weekend. We had not been there since November because I could no longer care for him alone. I got a hospital bed delivered to be put in the living room so that he would be able to see the lake, but the brush had grown so high along the shoreline that you could barely see anything.
So I grabbed the loppers and went outside and went to work hacking down these tall whatevers that grow out there, ten and twelve feet high or so, blocking the view. I was exhausted after about an hour, but proud of what I did. I am still feeling the effects of that four days later, lol. But THEN--Oh joy, I went swimming in the lake. I love the water, and this is the first summer in my life that I've gone this long without being in any. Of course then I used muscles I haven't used in more than a year, and it took a few days to recover from that, too.
I always assumed I'd remain strong and healthy into my 70s like Mom, but after watching a perfectly healthy-looking, strong man deteriorate into a helpless, bedridden invalid over a period of a few months, I am far more aware that there are no guarantees. He himself said a few weeks ago, "When I met you, I thought we'd have more time. My father lived to be 84, and I thought I'd at least get that, too."
I'm so glad you made it there, my friend. I'm sure your BF appreciates you lopping down all that brush! And glad you got to get in the lake.
We aren't guaranteed anymore than today are we? But if we have today, it is a good day. Hugs to you both.
Kathryn, yes I remember your loss, because a month later is when I lost my son. I can't believe two years have gone by.
As for the wedding ring, I'm in an interesting situation. I'm now in a long-distance relationship with an old friend from my hometown. He's been widowed over six years. Hasn't had a relationship or even a date since the wife died. He still wears his wedding ring, a white-gold (or maybe platinum) band with inset diamonds. He said he was with his wife in NY and she decided she wanted to buy him a band from Tiffany's. I later find out they were never officially married, despite 40+ years together, having kids and presenting as a married couple. But he's not eligible to marry again because he never officially divorced his first wife -- a shotgun wedding when they were teens. Geez! Anyway, given the very untypical situation, I don't know whether I should expect him to ever take that ring off. It's not a big deal I guess, at our "elderly" ages, but on the other hand, I feel like the wife's presence is still there. Know what I mean?
Keep us posted on the "guy", hope he calls.
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