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Two years ago this was my darling husband's last week on this earth. I am SO GRATEFUL that we did so many things he loved doing, in spite of COVID concerns. Still...Friday marks the 2nd anniversary of the absolutely worst day of my life and the last day of his life. I am glad neither of us knew what was coming but still...it's surprisingly sad for me this year. I mean, I expected to be sad last year and honestly, every anniversary, but this year it seems like I've been focusing more on what we were doing leading up to that day. Like, all day yesterday I thought about what we were doing (we took the boat out and then went to eat at one of his favorite restaurants so I am SO GLAD we had that time together!). Today I realize this is the second anniversary of our last full day together. I don't really remember much of what we did other than laundry and him packing for his trip out of town. Pretty sure we got in the pool together though. He left two years ago tomorrow in the morning and that was the last time I saw him alive. He looked and acted absolutely great. I will be home alone tomorrow in the morning. I expect to be sadder than normal but who knows? I will never forget watching his truck drive away - of course I had no idea that it was the last time I'd see that but still...thank God for the memories. They hurt but I do have them and I appreciate them.
I work all day Friday, which will probably be good, and then I am going out with some friends, which will also probably be good. Last year, oddly enough, it was the night BEFORE he died that was rougher than any other time. Hope it's not going to be more of the same this year. Last year all I did all night long was toss and turn and think to myself "A year ago right now, he was alive - a year ago at this time, we spoke on the phone for the last time..." It was terrible. But I didn't expect to be so pensive now either.
One thing I've learned over the past few years is to embrace how I feel, explore it, lean into it, learn from it when possible. So that's what I'm doing.
I still remember reading your shocking post and telling my husband. I'm so sorry you lost him. I know it can happen to any of us at any time. You're so blessed to have had such a loving husband. Take care this week.
Anniversaries can be tough. You are on the right track by acknowledging the feelings. Be nice to yourself. And weird as this may sound, maybe talk to him, too.
Anniversaries can be tough. You are on the right track by acknowledging the feelings. Be nice to yourself. And weird as this may sound, maybe talk to him, too.
Anniversaries can be tough. You are on the right track by acknowledging the feelings. Be nice to yourself. And weird as this may sound, maybe talk to him, too.
I still talk to him after all of these years. I first met him when I was 12 years old.
Anniversaries are tough. I agree with others who say talk to him and write him a letter. You've come a long way in a healthy manner. Hugs and take care this week.
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