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Your son really sounds like he has a particular syndrome in which he feels he has to save a damsel in distress. There is a vile, disgusting term for it that I don't subscribe to. The gal has done a number on him by making him her only source of help so he'll feel guilty if she has to go to a shelter. Guys like to feel needed and she is feeding him this vibe which puffs him up and gives a sort of "you and me against the world" patina to the whole scene. All this to a young guy with some self-esteem issues and trying to focus on school. I would be furious at this manipulation.
If a building is on fire, you don't have a discussion about why it caught fire or why it might be a good idea to try to find an exit: you grab everyone and get the hell out and if you pinch someone or pull their hair to get them out then so be it.
I hope when your husband arrives there, he approaches this from a "This is how it's going to be" stance rather than "asking" your son anything. He doesn't have a say at this point because he is obviously unable to see this clearly.
I wish you the best of luck!
Can’t rep you again but you nailed it.
My husband and I have to come up with a plan tonight.
Good update, I was thinking about squatters rights. Your son needs to understand she came from somewhere, she didnt come in off the streets. Son just doesnt want her to go. Im not sure how you can prevent them from getting back together again, even if you get her out. He's of age. At least you have the landlord on your side.
Your son needs to understand she came from somewhere, she didnt come in off the streets. Son just doesnt want her to go. Im not sure how you can prevent them from getting back together again, even if you get her out. He's of age.
Yes I agree, especially since as PP said he’s in this “you and me against the world” mindset.
ETA: I think we’re going to have to approach this as, she needs help. You aren’t equipped to help her. Let’s get her to a place where she can get the help she needs.
Another update: he says he took her by the shelter but it was so awful he couldn’t leave her there. I explained that winding up at the shelter is the result of the choices *she* made.
Oh dear. This may be harder than I know you were hoping. I'm guessing the best case scenario is going to get her back on a plane to her parents.
I would keep countering with all the choices she could make that are not living in a homeless shelter. She could go home to her mother's house. She could go back to her hometown where I'm guessing the COL is lower. She could get a job and support herself (for 99.9% of people, being a famous singer is not a viable career path, and a say this as a music major.) The choice she picked was to seek out a mark online, fly across the country and move in with him, mooching off free rent, free food, etc.
Quote:
Originally Posted by calgirlinnc
Why can’t he help her, he wants to know. I said he can’t help her because he is not equipped to help her. He doesn’t work full time, he doesn’t have a college degree, he doesn’t have enough money of his own. I said there are social services that are designed to help her—help her get a job, get her low income housing, get her food stamps. Those are the things that would help her.
He can't help her because it's not his money that is funding his lifestyle. It's your money. If he wants to help her, fine. He can help her. You and your husband will stop paying for everything. They can figure out how to make their way as broke 18 year olds together.
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Originally Posted by calgirlinnc
My son asked what if he insists on helping her. And I said you get not one more penny from us to do so.
Many others are like this girl, they are fake (dishonest) and have no guilt or conscious regarding who they hurt or use as long as they get what they want, that's life in today's America, your son learned this lesson early. It's a shame good people like you and your son have to deal with it now.
Oh dear. This may be harder than I know you were hoping. I'm guessing the best case scenario is going to get her back on a plane to her parents.
I would keep countering with all the choices she could make that are not living in a homeless shelter. She could go home to her mother's house. She could go back to her hometown where I'm guessing the COL is lower. She could get a job and support herself (for 99.9% of people, being a famous singer is not a viable career path, and a say this as a music major.) The choice she picked was to seek out a mark online, fly across the country and move in with him, mooching off free rent, free food, etc.
I called the Women’s Shelter. I explained to him that there is a bed lottery every night, and she would be better off going to another relatives’s or a friend’s or a trusted teacher’s house than trying to make it in the homeless shelter just because she wants to live out there.
Quote:
He can't help her because it's not his money that is funding his lifestyle. It's your money. If he wants to help her, fine. He can help her. You and your husband will stop paying for everything. They can figure out how to make their way as broke 18 year olds together.
Yes, I said all that too.
He says he knows he needs to finish college. And as much as it falls him, he knows he needs our money.
Quote:
Ugh. I really hope they are using birth control.
I’m practically having a panic attack thinking of my first grand child coming out of this situation.
Quote:
Many others are like this girl, they are fake (dishonest) and have no guilt or conscious regarding who they hurt or use as long as they get what they want, that's life in today's America, your son learned this lesson early. It's a shame good people like you and your son have to deal with it now.
I called the Women’s Shelter. I explained to him that there is a bed lottery every night, and she would be better off going to another relatives’s or a friend’s or a trusted teacher’s house than trying to make it in the homeless shelter just because she wants to live out there.
Yes, I said all that too.
He says he knows he needs to finish college. And as much as it falls him, he knows he needs our money.
I’m practically having a panic attack thinking of my first grand child coming out of this situation.
Thank you and you are so right.
And your son paying child support for at least 18 years.
Talked to my son again. He put the girl on speaker.
Oh my Gosh.
I approached it from, “we are trying to help you”. I was super sweet. I told her, I understand you are in a bind, but you cannot stay there. The lease is being broken.
She said, “can you send me a copy of the lease? I’d like to see that for myself.” She said she didn’t believe me. She said she wasn’t living with him, just staying for a few weeks and what is wrong with that? I told her she gets like 5 days and those days are used up.
She said she won’t work because there is no guarantee she will get paid. She said everyone has to rely on someone, like our son relies on us. Sooo resentful. She can’t go to any of her relatives because her “entire family is toxic” and she needs to get away from “such toxicity.”
I was scammed at his age, the deceit hurt me for a long time and I felt sorry for my parents because we all trusted him, bad mistake. The problem is when a child like your son is brought up by good parents, they don't realize how deceitful people can be because they weren't brought up that way, that's what happened to me. I didn't know people lied to your face about important things because my parent's didn't do it to me. Trust nobody.
Last edited by wp169; 09-15-2022 at 05:35 PM..
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