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With my (and other family members assistance), she moved back home from across the country. It has been a month. We have paid for the shipping of her items, gas, phone, car note, insurance, etc. She has been looking for work but nothing has panned out as of yet. Lots of interviews but no job. I feel this is largely because she does not have a college degree or certification. Her jobs have been in the service and hospitality industry. During our talks, she said she has no intention of pursuing an education at this time because she does not want to deal with student loans. But I think her anxiety around school is due to her not being a good student - she barely made it out of high school.
She has convinced herself that she has a learning deficit (ADHD) and that further education would be a waste of time, money, and energy. Conversations with her include tears, attitude, and frustration. When I ask her about her passions, and interests - things that she loves to do, she says she doesn't know. I feel like I'm talking to a 12-year-old at times. She has everything going for her - a great support system, attractive, good personality but her self-confidence is lacking and it is holding her back.
Before she moved back home she'd go weeks without talking to me if my conversations turned to more serious topics like life choices, financial planning, and her long-term goals and I don't want that to happen again.
We live in a major metropolitan city with lots of jobs and a great public transportation system. There are a lot of opportunities here.
I fully realize that whatever she does is ultimately her choice but I want to help her in ways other than paying her bills.
*sigh* not looking for advice - just needed to vent.
Does she read much?
Reading Psycho-cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz many years ago began the much needed change for me. I've still got my copy. I signed it in 1970!
Does she read much?
Reading Psycho-cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz many years ago began the much needed change for me. I've still got my copy. I signed it in 1970!
Hi, yes. She does read. I will recommend this book to her. A family member gave her a couple of books by Berne Brown. Thank you.
At 31 she knows her strong suit isn’t school. You can make a living and a career in the hospitality and service industries. Encourage her do do that. She has that experience.
Is she attractive with no baggage? Can she find a man to marry her and take care of her and maybe she can be a stay at home mom and a man can take care of her.
With my (and other family members assistance), she moved back home from across the country. It has been a month. We have paid for the shipping of her items, gas, phone, car note, insurance, etc. She has been looking for work but nothing has panned out as of yet. Lots of interviews but no job. I feel this is largely because she does not have a college degree or certification. Her jobs have been in the service and hospitality industry. During our talks, she said she has no intention of pursuing an education at this time because she does not want to deal with student loans. But I think her anxiety around school is due to her not being a good student - she barely made it out of high school.
She has convinced herself that she has a learning deficit (ADHD) and that further education would be a waste of time, money, and energy. Conversations with her include tears, attitude, and frustration. When I ask her about her passions, and interests - things that she loves to do, she says she doesn't know. I feel like I'm talking to a 12-year-old at times. She has everything going for her - a great support system, attractive, good personality but her self-confidence is lacking and it is holding her back.
Before she moved back home she'd go weeks without talking to me if my conversations turned to more serious topics like life choices, financial planning, and her long-term goals and I don't want that to happen again.
We live in a major metropolitan city with lots of jobs and a great public transportation system. There are a lot of opportunities here.
I fully realize that whatever she does is ultimately her choice but I want to help her in ways other than paying her bills.
*sigh* not looking for advice - just needed to vent.
Happy Holidays?
For many people, college is a waste of time and money. If she enjoys the hospitality industry, its a good field where no degree is needed. Best of luck to her. And Happy Holidays to you and yours!
Why did she move "back home from across the country"?
There are lots of jobs available in the service and hospitality industry. Why is she not getting one?
she has no intention of pursuing an education at this time because she does not want to deal with student loans. But I think her anxiety around school is due to her not being a good student - she barely made it out of high school.
She has convinced herself that she has a learning deficit (ADHD) and that further education would be a waste of time, money, and energy.
I thought you were talking about me actually.
I just want to say that we don't convince ourselves that we suck at math (or whatever it is for her). We've learned it during our horrible experience of going to summer school every year since the 9th grade, being told by our guidance counselors to just take gym in our senior year because by 12th grade we still hadn't passed Pre-Algebra, barely passing our SATs, etc. When we tell you we won't do well in college, we mean it because we KNOW.
You arguing with us about it does not help us. It stresses us out even more because we want you to love us and believe in us but you pushing us into something we know will just be another shizitty year of not being good enough is not we what need. She sounds about as beat down as I was after high school. Granted, by her age I had a career, and back in the 90s it was a lot easier to get somewhere without a degree, but it's still doable, perhaps if she went to tech school for a trade instead.
I feel for you, I do, but please put yourself in her shoes. She just wants someone to believe in her.
With my (and other family members assistance), she moved back home from across the country. It has been a month. We have paid for the shipping of her items, gas, phone, car note, insurance, etc. She has been looking for work but nothing has panned out as of yet. Lots of interviews but no job. I feel this is largely because she does not have a college degree or certification. Her jobs have been in the service and hospitality industry. During our talks, she said she has no intention of pursuing an education at this time because she does not want to deal with student loans. But I think her anxiety around school is due to her not being a good student - she barely made it out of high school.
She has convinced herself that she has a learning deficit (ADHD) and that further education would be a waste of time, money, and energy. Conversations with her include tears, attitude, and frustration. When I ask her about her passions, and interests - things that she loves to do, she says she doesn't know. I feel like I'm talking to a 12-year-old at times. She has everything going for her - a great support system, attractive, good personality but her self-confidence is lacking and it is holding her back.
Before she moved back home she'd go weeks without talking to me if my conversations turned to more serious topics like life choices, financial planning, and her long-term goals and I don't want that to happen again.
We live in a major metropolitan city with lots of jobs and a great public transportation system. There are a lot of opportunities here.
I fully realize that whatever she does is ultimately her choice but I want to help her in ways other than paying her bills.
*sigh* not looking for advice - just needed to vent.
Happy Holidays?
I know you're not looking for advice, but the one thing that may help her the most is to see a counselor. At her age she should have an idea as to what she wants to do or at the very least an idea as to how she wants her life to be. It's possible she has some depression, which in turn destroys her motivation to try or do anything. She may also have ADHD, but they can test for that over the course of about a month or so and she can get a definitive answer.
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