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At 31 she knows her strong suit isn’t school. You can make a living and a career in the hospitality and service industries. Encourage her do do that. She has that experience.
I agree 100% with this. Both the hospitality and service industries do not necessarily require a college degree, and if she's good at it and enjoys that line of work, she can make a very good living that way.
I've open and sold 4 restaurants, and some of the best employees I had were the ones who really knew the business well. I never really cared about formal education past the K-12 level, because 98% of the time it didn't matter.
Was your daughter job hopping, never staying at one job long before moving to the next? Was she taking on increasing responsibility/supervisor duties/management?
I'm surprised that she couldn't find instant work when she first came home with all of the seasonal work out there - that would have at least gotten her foot in the door somewhere. It's a little late to be applying for those seasonal jobs now, of course, because the holiday season is now close to halfway over. But since she's been in the business for a while she knows that.
Maybe it would be helpful for her to sit down with someone who knows how to write a resume.
And many men are financially taken care of by their wives.
And....? What is your point here? We are talking specifically about a woman (in this case it's Op's daughter). Your point makes absolutely no sense in the context of this post.
OP wanted to vent, I understand that. It's so difficult to watch your children struggle to establish themselves in the world.
Many pursue careers in the service and hospitality industry. I'm curious as to why she pulled the plug, and came home. That seems like the place to start.
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Before she moved back home she'd go weeks without talking to me if my conversations turned to more serious topics like life choices, financial planning, and her long-term goals and I don't want that to happen again.
We live in a major metropolitan city with lots of jobs and a great public transportation system. There are a lot of opportunities here.
I fully realize that whatever she does is ultimately her choice but I want to help her in ways other than paying her bills.
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If OP is paying her bills, feeding and housing her, yet she won't talk about career and financial planning, it's time for a serious discussion on where this is going.
Please quit pushing. That makes her balk and push you away further. She does not see things with your eyes. Let her apply everywhere and get her foot in the door. Bank teller may be an option. Entry level, but decent hours, clean environment.
She is 31, moved back in with her parents, and not finding work. This is the time the parent pushes. I'd give an ultimatum. Either you find a job, do what we think is in your best interest, or move out by X date.
If she doesn't have children for you to support, and if she's not a drug user, that's a plus. If she's dealing with undiagnosed depression that might be a problem. You didn't say anything about mental illness but that can affect getting and keeping a job, and make life difficult for you, too. You haven't mentioned that as an issue, tho. Hopefully it t is not the problem.
If she wants a dream job, that's not realistic. For most people a job pays the bills and satisfaction comes elsewhere.
I would insist that she apply at places that are always hiring whether she wants that kind of job or not. She should work at a job while looking for a better job so she's not a complete mooch on you.
Working even a part time job she hated (builds character) would be part of not paying rent and having me feed her. Restaurants, in my area at least, are desperate for help. Walmart or the equivalent. Nursing homes. Hospital kitchen staff. No college required - just be breathing. You want to help, not enable Afterall, what happens if you die unexpectedly. Is someone else going to step up to the plate or could she end up homeless?
With my (and other family members assistance), she moved back home from across the country. It has been a month. We have paid for the shipping of her items, gas, phone, car note, insurance, etc. She has been looking for work but nothing has panned out as of yet. Lots of interviews but no job. I feel this is largely because she does not have a college degree or certification. Her jobs have been in the service and hospitality industry. During our talks, she said she has no intention of pursuing an education at this time because she does not want to deal with student loans. But I think her anxiety around school is due to her not being a good student - she barely made it out of high school.
She has convinced herself that she has a learning deficit (ADHD) and that further education would be a waste of time, money, and energy. Conversations with her include tears, attitude, and frustration. When I ask her about her passions, and interests - things that she loves to do, she says she doesn't know. I feel like I'm talking to a 12-year-old at times. She has everything going for her - a great support system, attractive, good personality but her self-confidence is lacking and it is holding her back.
Before she moved back home she'd go weeks without talking to me if my conversations turned to more serious topics like life choices, financial planning, and her long-term goals and I don't want that to happen again.
We live in a major metropolitan city with lots of jobs and a great public transportation system. There are a lot of opportunities here.
I fully realize that whatever she does is ultimately her choice but I want to help her in ways other than paying her bills.
*sigh* not looking for advice - just needed to vent.
Happy Holidays?
I can relate. One of my daughters is also very sensitive if we talk about subjects of future and goals, plans. It has only been a month so maybe just give it some more time. I doubt she really wants to be home living with parents but it is a safe place for now at least. I'm sure you are reasonably gentle with her but perhaps your wife has a more disarming way to relate with her
Conduct a mock interview with her and see where she might be messing up.
I am of the school: "If a person wants to work, they WILL find work," no matter what the current economy.
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