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Any woman who marries for money will earn every freaking penny. Marriage is hard enough when you marry for love.
There's a 50-50 chance she'll end up divorced.
If she finds a man who will marry her because she looks good on his arm, there's a good chance he won't treat her well. He knows she will put up with anything to avoid looking for a job again.
In any case, she says she doesn't want a roommate, doesn't want marriage and kids. So that's off the table.
I was just looking at it from a practical perspective. I would never suggest this to any woman, as I believe it is super sexist - however, there are some people it would work for. I don't understand why she can't get a job. I'm old and I can almost guarantee I could get a job in one day if I wanted to.
On that note: Maybe she should start her own business - cleaning, making and selling sandwiches to offices with no restaurants around, dog walking - the options are unlimited. Since mommy and daddy are supporting her, she would have no rest, what-so-ever.
OP: Identify her special skills and help her start a business and advertise on Nextdoor, Facebook, wherever.
On the not wanting to marry part: Given that she is attractive, can't seem to easily get a job, etc., marrying would actually be a good option for her, especially if she wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom. I get she doesn't want this, but she's not acting much like a career woman, so it just seemed like this would be a good solution for her. I know this is so sexist!
The problem with this plan is that if the marriage doesn't work out for any reason, she could find herself needing to support not just herself but her children. She'd be right back to square one with no skills and now older with no recent work history or experience.
This might be a cue for someone to come bounding up waving their arms about how she would get all her ex-husband's money and scads of child support, but it often doesn't work that way.
A husband can die young. My friend was just telling me that when her husband died leaving her with three teenagers (and she with no high school diploma and hadn't worked in almost 20 years) she at least thought she had his life insurance. Turned out he had borrowed against it, and there was not much left.
I say tell her to look at the trades. Become an electrician or a welder. There is a shortage in these careers, and women are still not well-represented. I am sure that in your city there are programs through the trade associations or unions training programs to bring women in. Good money, good benefits. No college necessary. It would not hurt to look into it.
A husband can die young. My friend was just telling me that when her husband died leaving her with three teenagers (and she with no high school diploma and hadn't worked in almost 20 years) she at least thought she had his life insurance. Turned out he had borrowed against it, and there was not much left.
This is why I maintain my spouse’s life insurance premiums. I’m the one that would rely on that $, so it’s important to me that I make sure it’s an active account.
The problem with this plan is that if the marriage doesn't work out for any reason, she could find herself needing to support not just herself but her children. She'd be right back to square one with no skills and now older with no recent work history or experience.
This might be a cue for someone to come bounding up waving their arms about how she would get all her ex-husband's money and scads of child support, but it often doesn't work that way.
A husband can die young. My friend was just telling me that when her husband died leaving her with three teenagers (and she with no high school diploma and hadn't worked in almost 20 years) she at least thought she had his life insurance. Turned out he had borrowed against it, and there was not much left.
I say tell her to look at the trades. Become an electrician or a welder. There is a shortage in these careers, and women are still not well-represented. I am sure that in your city there are programs through the trade associations or unions training programs to bring women in. Good money, good benefits. No college necessary. It would not hurt to look into it.
The trades is a great idea. Electrician might be difficult if she doesn't read well, as I understand it involves a fair amount of studying to get licensed, but welding would work if she had the hand eye coordination and could develop the eye for seeing the crater and working the puddle.
But I agree that marriage is a poor bet. Not that she shouldn't get married, but she should always be able to support herself as you never know what the future holds.
31 ain't that young. She should have some sort of plan by now for her own future in terms of employment, finances, homelife (even if she IS single).
I tend to agree. If she spends the next decade going from job to job, without developing any clear plan of career development, she'll find herself at forty in the same position she is now.
If she can't find a decent job in this economy, what are her chances during the next down turn?
31 ain't that young. She should have some sort of plan by now for her own future in terms of employment, finances, homelife (even if she IS single).
Totally agree. 31 is not that young. She's been an adult for years now. It's great she has a parent willing to help her, but she also needs to start helping herself. Family counseling might be of benefit, too, to help set boundaries between helping and enabling.
she didn't want to come back home but she needed to because she could not afford the apartment she was living in. she did not care to live with roommates anymore and sleeping in her car was also not an option. i am paying her bills because she was considering bankruptcy - her debt is not that great: car note, phone bill, insurance. no babies, no credit cards. my family and i are in a position to help her so why shouldn't we if we are able and it doesn't put us in a bad spot? it won't be forever and we have established a repayment plan.
I did this with my kiddo - paid bills and got rid of debt. There was no repayment plan and no charge for rent.
I did a clean cut from the past and focused on the future. Best of all, it worked!!!
Why did she move "back home from across the country"?
There are lots of jobs available in the service and hospitality industry. Why is she not getting one?
That's what I wondered... I thought a lot of businesses were still hurting for service employees.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChiGuy2.5
You might disagree with it, but marrying into not working is still a strategy employed by many woman. It's not for every woman but it does happen and it does work. I wish my Aunt would have employed that strategy, instead she might end up homeless since she doesn't want to work.
Quote:
Originally Posted by masterchef1
Still common today just not as common as it was in past, woman gets pregnant
and someone has to watch baby so she becomes a stay at home mom.
Many women are taken care of financially by their husbands.
And what happens when she's older and no longer attractive and he gives her up for someone younger, or if he dies, becomes disabled, or leaves and she's stuck with no way to support herself?
Quote:
Originally Posted by GotHereQuickAsICould
If OP is paying her bills, feeding and housing her, yet she won't talk about career and financial planning, it's time for a serious discussion on where this is going.
Yes, especially if she also won't see someone to get over her hangups. I feel for her if she feels lost and discouraged, but she needs to figure out how not to feel that way, because she can't live with her parents forever-- if for no other reason than the fact that they won't be alive forever.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BriteSpot
She has worked in service and hospitality for a few yrs now but she has not stayed more than a year or two, then off to another one. The jobs don't pay much. She's gotten as far as team manager and has always been replaced by someone with a certification or a degree. I encouraged her to pursue a certification or a degree but she doesn't feel the need to pursue it.
So she knows she's losing out on job growth in her chosen field because she doesn't have the education, yet she thinks she doesn't need the education? Which career does she want, then, that doesn't require an education? What is she doing to get into that career?
I agree that she needs counseling, of both the job and personal variety. If she's low-income, look into programs to help her with the cost of a therapist. Regardless of whether you can afford to support her now, OP, you won't be around forever, and you may not be able to afford her forever. How long are you willing to go on like this before either enough is enough, or you are literally unable to support her anymore? Do you have a very large inheritance and a paid-off house to leave to her? And plans in place in case you need extensive care as you age? I mean, if you think it's okay to support her for the rest of her life and can afford to do so, then by all means do it, but then you need to quit bothering her about getting a job or moving out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by considerforamoment
OP: Identify her special skills and help her start a business and advertise on Nextdoor, Facebook, wherever.
I have my doubts that someone who can't pull themself together enough to get a service job or go to school (or whose lack of desire for marriage and children could stem from a lack of desire for/knowing that wouldn't be good with responsibility) could/would put in the time and effort to run a successful business...
I have my doubts that someone who can't pull themself together enough to get a service job or go to school (or whose lack of desire for marriage and children could stem from a lack of desire for/knowing that wouldn't be good with responsibility) could/would put in the time and effort to run a successful business...
T
That was my thought as well.
The only business I think she might be successful at is housecleaning.
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