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With my (and other family members assistance), she moved back home from across the country. It has been a month. We have paid for the shipping of her items, gas, phone, car note, insurance, etc. She has been looking for work but nothing has panned out as of yet. Lots of interviews but no job. I feel this is largely because she does not have a college degree or certification. Her jobs have been in the service and hospitality industry. During our talks, she said she has no intention of pursuing an education at this time because she does not want to deal with student loans. But I think her anxiety around school is due to her not being a good student - she barely made it out of high school.
She has convinced herself that she has a learning deficit (ADHD) and that further education would be a waste of time, money, and energy. Conversations with her include tears, attitude, and frustration. When I ask her about her passions, and interests - things that she loves to do, she says she doesn't know. I feel like I'm talking to a 12-year-old at times. She has everything going for her - a great support system, attractive, good personality but her self-confidence is lacking and it is holding her back.
Before she moved back home she'd go weeks without talking to me if my conversations turned to more serious topics like life choices, financial planning, and her long-term goals and I don't want that to happen again.
We live in a major metropolitan city with lots of jobs and a great public transportation system. There are a lot of opportunities here.
I fully realize that whatever she does is ultimately her choice but I want to help her in ways other than paying her bills.
*sigh* not looking for advice - just needed to vent.
Happy Holidays?
Self-confidence is tricky business, and it sounds like she's a sensitive personality and doesn't take criticism well. That's for her to work through. A job will probably help with that.
Maybe she could take some courses at a local community college? Many states are offering free CC tuition, I think because of federal funding from Inflation Reduction Act or some such. In my state, it's free if you're over 25, and cheap if not.
She could look into health care, which always needs people. Many CC's offer phlebotomy and medical assistant programs that take 6-12 months, and only a high school degree is required. It's not necessarily her dream career but it's a way to bootstrap into the health field and from there perhaps develop the confidence to get a higher degree, RN or x-ray tech or many other options that pay pretty well.
Just the act of being in school, meeting others and learning of their career aspirations, is a confidence booster.
She could also try "side hustle" types of work such as free-lance landscaping, dog walking and pet sitting, cleaning homes, drop shipping, Door Dash, etc. Not necessarily glamorous, but it beats sitting around doing nothing, and the money can add up, particularly if you start really hustling, getting people to work for you, and building it up into a real business.
Is she attractive with no baggage? Can she find a man to marry her and take care of her and maybe she can be a stay at home mom and a man can take care of her.
The 1950s called, they want you back.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BriteSpot
With my (and other family members assistance), she moved back home from across the country. It has been a month. We have paid for the shipping of her items, gas, phone, car note, insurance, etc. She has been looking for work but nothing has panned out as of yet. Lots of interviews but no job. I feel this is largely because she does not have a college degree or certification. Her jobs have been in the service and hospitality industry. During our talks, she said she has no intention of pursuing an education at this time because she does not want to deal with student loans. But I think her anxiety around school is due to her not being a good student - she barely made it out of high school.
She has convinced herself that she has a learning deficit (ADHD) and that further education would be a waste of time, money, and energy. Conversations with her include tears, attitude, and frustration. When I ask her about her passions, and interests - things that she loves to do, she says she doesn't know. I feel like I'm talking to a 12-year-old at times. She has everything going for her - a great support system, attractive, good personality but her self-confidence is lacking and it is holding her back.
Before she moved back home she'd go weeks without talking to me if my conversations turned to more serious topics like life choices, financial planning, and her long-term goals and I don't want that to happen again.
We live in a major metropolitan city with lots of jobs and a great public transportation system. There are a lot of opportunities here.
I fully realize that whatever she does is ultimately her choice but I want to help her in ways other than paying her bills.
*sigh* not looking for advice - just needed to vent.
With my (and other family members assistance), she moved back home from across the country. It has been a month. We have paid for the shipping of her items, gas, phone, car note, insurance, etc. She has been looking for work but nothing has panned out as of yet. Lots of interviews but no job. I feel this is largely because she does not have a college degree or certification. Her jobs have been in the service and hospitality industry. During our talks, she said she has no intention of pursuing an education at this time because she does not want to deal with student loans. But I think her anxiety around school is due to her not being a good student - she barely made it out of high school.
She has convinced herself that she has a learning deficit (ADHD) and that further education would be a waste of time, money, and energy. Conversations with her include tears, attitude, and frustration. When I ask her about her passions, and interests - things that she loves to do, she says she doesn't know. I feel like I'm talking to a 12-year-old at times. She has everything going for her - a great support system, attractive, good personality but her self-confidence is lacking and it is holding her back.
Before she moved back home she'd go weeks without talking to me if my conversations turned to more serious topics like life choices, financial planning, and her long-term goals and I don't want that to happen again.
We live in a major metropolitan city with lots of jobs and a great public transportation system. There are a lot of opportunities here.
I fully realize that whatever she does is ultimately her choice but I want to help her in ways other than paying her bills.
*sigh* not looking for advice - just needed to vent.
Happy Holidays?
It sounds like she just may not interview well. Perhaps there is someplace/someone who can help her in her interview skills. There are lots of jobs that don't require a college education, so I don't think it is for that reason. Sounds like she needs confidence and interview skills help.
@OP - Encourage her to find her calling. There is a career waiting for her somewhere, she just needs to find it. It took my sister until she was 34 to find a solid job that she enjoys enough to stick with. I have an ex who kind of took a similar path of floating from job to job until she found one that stuck.
I would suggest starting at a hotel as hospitality associate and work her way up. I know multiple people who work for hotel chains who make quite a bit of money and enjoy what they do. Best of luck to her, and you!
Quote:
Originally Posted by NDak15
The 1950s called, they want you back.
You might disagree with it, but marrying into not working is still a strategy employed by many woman. It's not for every woman but it does happen and it does work. I wish my Aunt would have employed that strategy, instead she might end up homeless since she doesn't want to work.
Quote:
Originally Posted by brennans2323
I know you're not looking for advice, but the one thing that may help her the most is to see a counselor. At her age she should have an idea as to what she wants to do or at the very least an idea as to how she wants her life to be. It's possible she has some depression, which in turn destroys her motivation to try or do anything. She may also have ADHD, but they can test for that over the course of about a month or so and she can get a definitive answer.
I'm 35 with a solid career and I still don't know what it is I would want to "to do".
Some mothers want their daughters to realize their dreams, those of the mother. Some mothers are afraid of what others will think if their children aren't achieving at the rate of some others in areas where they "feel" are necessary.
As someone else asked, I am also wondering why the daughter moved home. I am also wondering what kind of interviews the daughter is going on or something mother picks or that the daughter picks.
My mother was not pleased with my choices, so I sympathize with the daughter.
If this were my child, I would have hesitated to have her move back home at that age. Once home, she would have had to find "any" job. Any money of mine spent on her would be the bare minimum, and most likely, I would keep a tab that she could start paying back after she became employed. I might use the money that she paid me back as a gift to her toward paying the deposit on her own place to live.
It is very hard to be an adult when living at home like a child.
How progressive and edgy of you. Plenty of amazing women choose to manage a home and have children. My wife included. She is our house manager and she homeschools our 3 children. Not sure why you are making that into a negative thing.
With my (and other family members assistance), she moved back home from across the country. It has been a month. We have paid for the shipping of her items, gas, phone, car note, insurance, etc. She has been looking for work but nothing has panned out as of yet. Lots of interviews but no job. I feel this is largely because she does not have a college degree or certification. Her jobs have been in the service and hospitality industry. During our talks, she said she has no intention of pursuing an education at this time because she does not want to deal with student loans. But I think her anxiety around school is due to her not being a good student - she barely made it out of high school.
She has convinced herself that she has a learning deficit (ADHD) and that further education would be a waste of time, money, and energy. Conversations with her include tears, attitude, and frustration. When I ask her about her passions, and interests - things that she loves to do, she says she doesn't know. I feel like I'm talking to a 12-year-old at times. She has everything going for her - a great support system, attractive, good personality but her self-confidence is lacking and it is holding her back.
Before she moved back home she'd go weeks without talking to me if my conversations turned to more serious topics like life choices, financial planning, and her long-term goals and I don't want that to happen again.
We live in a major metropolitan city with lots of jobs and a great public transportation system. There are a lot of opportunities here.
I fully realize that whatever she does is ultimately her choice but I want to help her in ways other than paying her bills.
*sigh* not looking for advice - just needed to vent.
Happy Holidays?
What happened that she gave up on what she was doing and needed her family to pay her moving expenses, car payment, phone bills, etc.?
With my (and other family members assistance), she moved back home from across the country. It has been a month. We have paid for the shipping of her items, gas, phone, car note, insurance, etc. She has been looking for work but nothing has panned out as of yet. Lots of interviews but no job. I feel this is largely because she does not have a college degree or certification. Her jobs have been in the service and hospitality industry. During our talks, she said she has no intention of pursuing an education at this time because she does not want to deal with student loans. But I think her anxiety around school is due to her not being a good student - she barely made it out of high school.
She has convinced herself that she has a learning deficit (ADHD) and that further education would be a waste of time, money, and energy. Conversations with her include tears, attitude, and frustration. When I ask her about her passions, and interests - things that she loves to do, she says she doesn't know. I feel like I'm talking to a 12-year-old at times. She has everything going for her - a great support system, attractive, good personality but her self-confidence is lacking and it is holding her back.
Before she moved back home she'd go weeks without talking to me if my conversations turned to more serious topics like life choices, financial planning, and her long-term goals and I don't want that to happen again.
We live in a major metropolitan city with lots of jobs and a great public transportation system. There are a lot of opportunities here.
I fully realize that whatever she does is ultimately her choice but I want to help her in ways other than paying her bills.
*sigh* not looking for advice - just needed to vent.
Happy Holidays?
Please quit pushing. That makes her balk and push you away further. She does not see things with your eyes. Let her apply everywhere and get her foot in the door. Bank teller may be an option. Entry level, but decent hours, clean environment.
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