Why is it so hard to make good friends in Portland? (living, restaurant)

[Steve Pickering]

I have lived in some bad neighborhoods, but that was never an excuse for not making friends. Places like Pacoima in San Fernando Gardens, Gary Indiana, Cleveland Ohio up on East 92 Street, and most recently River Rouge Park in Detroit.

[EnricoV]

Originally Posted by Discovery1

The problem i see here is you and your German friend chosen to live in the bad neighborhood and that is where you got a nosy , uneducated bad attitude kind of people. I lived in those states you mentioned plus many more and i have very positive with all of them. Why ? Because i don't live in crappy neighborhoods. I am nowhere near window with bars .

Your post confuses me.

Do you really think that the neighborhood where the German girl as living as an au pair was a bad neighborhood? Last time I looked, people who lived in bad neighborhoods couldn't afford au pairs.

[FSF]

Friendship definitely has a strong correlation with a person's age, which relates primarily to school being the binding factor for social engagement. After college, it definitely becomes more and more difficult to make friends with new people. While some people are inherently more introverted or extroverted, I think more importantly, it's really someone's definition of what a "friend" is that varies from person to person. Many people even refer to several of their co-workers as "friends" because they chat it up at work and think there is some real bond there but the second that one or the other stops working at that company, there is a high probability that the two never see each other again in a social manner. I'm not sure that's a real "friend".

Friendship I guess has come to be intrepreted as an understanding between two individuals that they will spend time with one another on occasion and that each supposedly considers the other a "friend". Usually because there is a common ground for bonding (e.g., similar hobbies, activities, interests, etc.). Friends are no more than casual acquaintances that pass through in most cases. At the end of the day, when push comes to shove, there are VERY FEW people that you can trust and rely on and that will really be there for you. My guess is that no human being really ever has more than a few real friends in their lifetime. I've had hundreds, maybe even thousands, of "acquaintances" throughout my life that I could talk endlessly with at parties or have a meal with or go to a ballgame with. But let's be real here, most of those aren't REALLY friends.

[Steve Pickering]

School Chums often come and go. Sometimes they are for life, but we move on, grow up, and mature.

[bumpstr]

Originally Posted by portlandshaws

Not just in little things like waving at cars that come through the neighborhood but people meeting us for the first time AND THEN INVITING US TO THEIR HOUSE FOR DINNER. This happened time and time again (and is still happening).

But does that make you friends?

[Winnyard Bletch]

I have been asked at least a dozen times which high school I attended in Portland. When I say "in Colorado", their eyes glaze over and they make a hasty (but polite)retreat. Nice people in Portland, for sure, but very serious about how fun and care-free they know they are. Making friends requires a bit of humility, and i dont think Portlanders respond well to having thier persona picked on or joked about.
A good tip to transplants: Portlanders like seeing themselves as unique and different, so pretend that you are seriously impressed by the fins glued to thiet bike helmet.

[Deezus]

Originally Posted by Winnyard Bletch

I have been asked at least a dozen times which high school I attended in Portland. When I say "in Colorado", their eyes glaze over and they make a hasty (but polite)retreat. Nice people in Portland, for sure, but very serious about how fun and care-free they know they are. Making friends requires a bit of humility, and i dont think Portlanders respond well to having thier persona picked on or joked about.
A good tip to transplants: Portlanders like seeing themselves as unique and different, so pretend that you are seriously impressed by the fins glued to thiet bike helmet.

I've only had people ask me what high school I went to in the suburbs of Portland. In inner Portland everyone is from somewhere else and it's the native Portlanders who are outnumbered these days. Do you live in the suburbs, by chance?

You seem to mixing up the two though. People who grew up in Oregon are less likely to be the ones wearing a fin glued to their bike helmet than some transplant kid from the Midwest.

[AndyAMG]

Discovery, Anna was an au pair in the mean streets of mc mansion developments in Richardson TX.

My home in Abilene was in the mean screets of the River Oaks son, Elmwood Drive is rough.

Then I was thugin on the Heatherwoods Drive block with my gangstas in Bemiss GA. Dirty South!

I was in the projects on Gunter AFB in AL though (the barracks..okay, it was a hotel, but I had a roommate.. for 3 months).

In all seriousness, I lived in nothing but mc mansion developments and still live in a mc mansion development. I know, eww right? How dare I want land or space.

My only point:

It's just as hard for a yankee from Portland to make "REAL" friends down south as it is for a Southerner/Midwesterner/Northeasterner to make "REAL" friends in Portland. Acquaintances? sure. True Friends, nope.

I made all my really good friends within the military or from School.

That's why many people have given the advice that it's not Portland, but how the op is going about trying to find friends that is his problem.

I'll take a friendly hello on occasion over someone trying to plan my landscaping any day.

But our house in Tucson does have bars for a screen door. That's just a friendly Arizona thing.

so pretend that you are seriously impressed by the fins glued to thiet bike helmet.

HAHAHA. Sweet Fins Bro... Oh thanks, bro. Wanna get a beer? oh yeah, I totally know this gluten free pizza shop with local organic ale on tap... Do you want to be my friend forever? Are wide rimmed glasses and excessive facial hair the greatest thing ever. YES!

I can see that happening. Instant bromance.

[EnricoV]

Originally Posted by Winnyard Bletch

I have been asked at least a dozen times which high school I attended in Portland. When I say "in Colorado", their eyes glaze over and they make a hasty (but polite)retreat. Nice people in Portland, for sure, but very serious about how fun and care-free they know they are. Making friends requires a bit of humility, and i dont think Portlanders respond well to having thier persona picked on or joked about.
A good tip to transplants: Portlanders like seeing themselves as unique and different, so pretend that you are seriously impressed by the fins glued to thiet bike helmet.

I have never in my life asked anyone what high school they attended, nor had anyone ask me. Who do you hang out with?

But I'll have to agree with you. I doubt that "picking on or joking about" people, their personas, or whatever is conducive to making friends. Have you ever considered that maybe it's you, and your approach to people?

[jwuk45]

I've had totally the opposite experience. I've been here a little over a month and I've found it be the most friendly, extroverted city I've ever been to (previously I've lived in Orlando, cities in North Carolina and loads of cities in England, not to mention many other cities around the world I've visited). The first couple of days I was here I was at a bus stop and a guy started talking to me, invited me to see a band with him that night and we're now friends. In a little over a month I've made more than ten friends and I'm pretty introverted.

I should add, however, that most of these people are transplants from other cities. But all humans like to have human interaction, Portland isn't any different. People might just be a bit less obvious about wanting to be friends? I know, as an introvert and someone who sadly likes to maintain a vaguely cool/laid back image, I have a tendency to wait for people to ask me to hang out. But if I'm out, I'll try to make an effort to talk to people, and thus far it has been 100% successful (possibly my British accent helps?).

So yeah, don't give up on it just yet!