Why is it so hard to make good friends in Portland? (apartment complex, house)

[Chris1917]

I've been here five years and still only have one good friend (which I only recently made) and several other friends who are more like acquaintances. Why is it so hard to make meaningful connections with people here. I've heard other people who've had the same experience. It definitely isn't for lack of trying. I go out of my way to go to meetups etc. And when I do see my friends, it's always at a restaurant or a coffee shop and it's only about once a month. Is this just modern urban living or is this a Portland thing?

[christiner81]

I don't think it's a portland thing. do you invite people over to your house or to hang out elsewhere? This is my issue, I'm very introverted and I have a hard time initiating that type of thing...so it takes me forever to make friends.

[classicanne]

I don't think it's a Portland thing, either; it's always harder to make friends after high school or college, even more so as one gets older. You mentioned meetups, but what kind of meetups? I've found that the types of groups that work best are those where you DO something, such as playing music together, walking together, writing or drawing/painting together. Get actively involved in volunteer work, secular or connected with a church. Invite people over. The most important thing is to do the things you love and become an active part of groups related to that. Over time, you will gain more friends. Really!

[rass33]

Originally Posted by Chris1917

I've been here five years and still only have one good friend (which I only recently made) and several other friends who are more like acquaintances. Why is it so hard to make meaningful connections with people here. I've heard other people who've had the same experience. It definitely isn't for lack of trying. I go out of my way to go to meetups etc. And when I do see my friends, it's always at a restaurant or a coffee shop and it's only about once a month. Is this just modern urban living or is this a Portland thing?

I agree, I've lived in my apartment complex in Southeast for about 4 months now and I have yet to communicate with any of my neighbors. I'm serious. Not even a "Good Morning", "Hi", "How are you?", "Wassup Homie?" When I don't have a female over my place my only communication with people in Portland is the UPS driver, Fed Ex worker and Safeway couriers who drop off packages at my apartment. A guy told me peoples anti-social behavior gets even worse in the rainy Fall and Winter seasons. I think a lot people here in Portland are just hermits who like to keep to themselves. At least the NFL is getting ready to start so I'm encouraged. If that don't do it then maybe I'll start drinking excessively, going to strip clubs and on 82nd to pick up hookers. Maybe I can get a conversation from them because the people of Portland don't seem to want to have anything to do with humanity.

[tadaaaa]

>>When I don't have a female over my place...

So what's your problem?
Like all brothers, you came to white PNW to hit on white women. According to your post, it's going weel.
What's the complain?

"Once you go black, you are a single mother"

[VTHokieFan]

I've had zero issues making friends. Maybe it's my age? (Mid 20s) or my awesome personality

[turquoise1]

I think it's a Portland thing. The Northwest social culture seems pretty repressed, at least in comparison to other parts of the country.

As a native East Coaster, what drives me the battiest is when people send mixed messages - they don't want anything to do with you, but they want to retain their status as a "nice" person. Where I'm from, if someone doesn't like you, they just don't like you, and that's fine.

Again, if you want to see a great indie movie about this phenomenon of passive-aggressiveness and antipathy towards people who did not attend high school here, watch "Rid of Me."

[portlandshaws]

I lived (almost) my entire life in Portland and then my husband and I (he's originally from DC) moved to the south about 4 years ago. My husband had always complained about how hard it was to make REAL friends in Portland and I always told him he was wrong because I had plenty of friends (having gone to elementary, middle, high school there and then U of O for college). We were SHOCKED at the difference when we moved to the south. Not just in little things like waving at cars that come through the neighborhood but people meeting us for the first time AND THEN INVITING US TO THEIR HOUSE FOR DINNER. This happened time and time again (and is still happening). I can now realize that the vibe in Portland (in general) is much colder and more reserved. Naturally, the south has its problems but it just doesn't take the same amount of time to get past people's walls.

[NWGirl74]

I've made quite a few good friends in the past few years. Met them all through various Meetup groups. But I'm not one who needs a ton of good friends. I'd rather have a handful of close friends and work on fostering those relationships. That being said, I have more real friends now (definitely more than a handful) than I have at any other time in my life.

[rass33]

Originally Posted by tadaaaa

>>When I don't have a female over my place...

So what's your problem?
Like all brothers, you came to white PNW to hit on white women. According to your post, it's going weel.
What's the complain?

"Once you go black, you are a single mother"

First off, who said the females I had over were white? You seem to be assuming things based on the fact that I'm an African American male living in Portland. Also, most of the small percentage of black men in Portland were born here so I don't understand your assertion that they came here to "hit on white women," I came to Portland because I attend grad school at PSU not to hit on any woman so that assertion was really ridiculous. I would be kind of ridiculous to travel 2,000 miles just to hit on white women when Chicago is full of white women, don't you think? You're either a jealous white man or a disgruntled black woman that's the only conclusion I can draw at this point.