first time dads to be & age (years, early, women)

[TashaPosh]

In another forum where I started a discussion thread about planning pregnancy…(in the age of covid), somebody brought up the point of my husband’s age as a reason not to plan pregnancy at all. He is older than me…(he is in his 40s)…BUT I never thought about that as being too old for a man. Matter of fact, I thought it was kind of common because even women are having their 1st pregnancy later & later…some into their late 30’s & early 40’s. I’m just over 30.

Like a lot of ppl say, men biologically have the luxury of time on their side tho. So what’s the “cutoff” in your opinion? AND…anybody in the forum who is pregnant or maybe planning a pregnancy with an older man?

[Mightyqueen801]

Originally Posted by TashaPosh

In another forum where I started a discussion thread about planning pregnancy…(in the age of covid), somebody brought up the point of my husband’s age as a reason not to plan pregnancy at all. He is older than me…(he is in his 40s)…BUT I never thought about that as being too old for a man. Matter of fact, I thought it was kind of common because even women are having their 1st pregnancy later & later…some into their late 30’s & early 40’s. I’m just over 30.

Like a lot of ppl say, men biologically have the luxury of time on their side tho. So what’s the “cutoff” in your opinion? AND…anybody in the forum who is pregnant or maybe planning a pregnancy with an older man?

My youngest brothers were born when my dad was 45 and 47.

A friend of mine was the second wife of a man 35 years her senior. While that may elicit giggles and rolled eyes in some people, they truly loved each other, and she mourns him still, more than ten years after his death. They had two children born when he was in his early 60s who were in high school when he died at 79.

There is no cutoff. It is up to the couple to decide if they want children at whatever age they are. When Tony Randall fathered a child in his 70s and people squawked about it, he said "I don't see how it is anyone else's business." He was right.

[saibot]

I was born when my dad was 45 (and my mom was 43, but I was not the first child). I've known a couple of people, one high school friend of mine, one friend of my daughter's, whose fathers were in their 50s when they were born.

I agree with MQ, the cutoff is personal. While my husband and I decided not to continue having children into our 40s, it makes no difference to me how old other people are.

There are definitely statistics that say children born to younger mothers AND/OR fathers are less likely to have certain health problems. But it's still more likely that the baby will be healthy than not. Everyone I've known who had a baby in their 40s, and there are quite a few, had a healthy baby.

[TashaPosh]

Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801

My youngest brothers were born when my dad was 45 and 47.

A friend of mine was the second wife of a man 35 years her senior. While that may elicit giggles and rolled eyes in some people, they truly loved each other, and she mourns him still, more than ten years after his death. They had two children born when he was in his early 60s who were in high school when he died at 79.

There is no cutoff. It is up to the couple to decide if they want children at whatever age they are. When Tony Randall fathered a child in his 70s and people squawked about it, he said "I don't see how it is anyone else's business." He was right.

ITA it’s “no one else’s business”…if they don’t want to share their opinion on it. Who is Tony Randall tho? Because age is something 2 ppl have to think about IMO when planning a pregnancy….(too young or too old)…because planning for the child’s future is a super big part of that.

AND…I don’t think it needs to be hidden either. Because IMO it’s just a normal biological thing that a man can be in his 40’s & have the luxury of not thinking about a clock. It takes 2 ppl to get pregnant….planned or not.

edit: BUT I thought this would be a forum where there are a lot of pregnant women happy to talk about it…or share their experiences if their partner is an older man. Thank you. Or I could be thinking it’s more common than it is. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[saibot]

Originally Posted by TashaPosh

ITA it’s “no one else’s business”…if they don’t want to share their opinion on it. Who is Tony Randall tho? Because age is something 2 ppl have to think about IMO when planning a pregnancy….(too young or too old)…because planning for the child’s future is a super big part of that.

My opinion on that is that all parents should plan for their child's future, no matter how old they (the parents) are. Being very young does not guarantee a long life. Being healthy doesn't mean you won't have an accident or get sick. Thought and planning should go into providing for a baby's needs and education at least up to young adulthood...even if the new parents are only 21.

But if other people are thinking, "Wow, he's already 45, how long will he be around in his child's life?", then that is not their business. And you never know. As I said, my dad was 45 when I was born, and he lived to 94.

[gentlearts]

Originally Posted by TashaPosh

In another forum where I started a discussion thread about planning pregnancy…(in the age of covid), somebody brought up the point of my husband’s age as a reason not to plan pregnancy at all. He is older than me…(he is in his 40s)…BUT I never thought about that as being too old for a man. Matter of fact, I thought it was kind of common because even women are having their 1st pregnancy later & later…some into their late 30’s & early 40’s. I’m just over 30.

Like a lot of ppl say, men biologically have the luxury of time on their side tho. So what’s the “cutoff” in your opinion? AND…anybody in the forum who is pregnant or maybe planning a pregnancy with an older man?

I think if you asked a 20 year old child with an 80-90 year old father if they would have preferred not to be born, the answer would be no.

Plenty of young fathers die, and plenty of fathers in their 50s and 60s have wonderful relationships with their young children.

[TashaPosh]

Originally Posted by saibot

But if other people are thinking, "Wow, he's already 45, how long will he be around in his child's life?", then that is not their business. And you never know. As I said, my dad was 45 when I was born, and he lived to 94.

Yes!^^ I’ve had ppl in City Data make a super big deal out of my husband being in his 40s but they bring up death or call him “old” even when not talking about if we plan on a pregnancy or not. IMO some ppl just have a thing against an older man & younger woman…even when it’s less than 15 yrs. I don’t know why unless it’s because of their moral principles? I don’t know but it makes no sense to me because it’s about the baby IMO AND a healthy & loving relationship is way more important than the dad’s age.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by TashaPosh

In another forum where I started a discussion thread about planning pregnancy…(in the age of covid), somebody brought up the point of my husband’s age as a reason not to plan pregnancy at all. He is older than me…(he is in his 40s)…BUT I never thought about that as being too old for a man. Matter of fact, I thought it was kind of common because even women are having their 1st pregnancy later & later…some into their late 30’s & early 40’s. I’m just over 30.

Like a lot of ppl say, men biologically have the luxury of time on their side tho. So what’s the “cutoff” in your opinion? AND…anybody in the forum who is pregnant or maybe planning a pregnancy with an older man?

They say the quality of the sperm degrades as men age, raising the chances of birth defects, but I don't think the 40's is when that would be a major concern.

[TashaPosh]

Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth

They say the quality of the sperm degrades as men age, raising the chances of birth defects, but I don't think the 40's is when that would be a major concern.

AND nature works that the healthiest sperm are usually the best swimmers. There can be a reduction in the number of quality mobile sperm tho…especially as a man gets into his 50’s or 60’s BUT I wouldn’t plan a baby with my husband when he gets to his 50’s & 60’s anyway.

So…I will answer my own question.^^ My personal “cutoff” for my husband & I would be when he turns about 50.

[1200RT]

Personally, I don't want to be working while I have kids in college. So, in my eyes (as a younger father), my cutoff would be mid-40s - which would put the kid's starting college around retirement age at the latest.