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You sound defensive to some comments. I think politics should be brought up with respect to those contents of your post.
I also agree that the burden of plastic surgery to the public is a mistake, but for a different reason. Imo, elective surgery for vanity does not work, is painful, and can lead to long-term health issues etc.
I recall a movie called Mask which this thread reminds me of. The kid had an Elephant face but a mom who still loved him and he found people from time to time who saw the inner beauty in him. He found a way to attract that pretty girl who was blind... by using his imagination.
Heavy movie. Sad ending. Cher and Sam Elliott and that kid were phenomenal in that flick.
- Free cosmetic, dental and orthodontic surgery for those who qualify
- Free mental health counseling
- More focus on anti bullying
- Anti discrimination laws to protect people
- For those who choose not to live, assisted suicide (as who wants to go through such a miserable life if nothing can be done to improve the situation for the sufferer)
What are your thoughts?
I like your first suggestion, though the word "qualify" is concerning
The seconds nice, though it may not be wanted nor necessary
Thirds useless, the fucusing ain't doing no good
fourth would offer some protection, though you can't stop discrimination with laws
fifth...why must it be called "assisted suicide"...lets just call it what it is..murder.
If someone wants to commit suicide they will.....and you don't need no doctor for that.
On another note, I don't believe in BDD. If someone genuinely has something wrong with their appearance, how is their reaction to that and subsequent depression a "disorder"? Seems like a cop out to me.
Sometimes what we choose to believe and what is objectively true don't match up. Body dysmorphic disorder (I think that's what you're abbreviating?) is a very real thing. The most common examples are young anorexic women who see themselves as fat no matter how skeletal they become and young "gymorexic" men who abuse steroids and supplements because their idea of a normal, healthy body becomes so out of whack. But you're right: just generally having constant thoughts that you're ugly doesn't equal BDD. It is indicative, however, of crippling low self-esteem and, I'd argue, vanity.
Anyway, of the ugly people that I know there's a pretty even split as to how successful they are, and that split exists because of how those people choose to live their lives. There's the one side where the people happily "settle" for equally unattractive mates and into jobs that allow them to be meek and go relatively unnoticed OR they find comfort in a welcoming niche (geekdom being the most obvious example). On the other side, are the less successful people who mope about how their bad looks are the source of all their misery and lead reclusive, misanthropic existences.
And of course there are the (much rarer) outliers who have such self-assured personalities and/or become so successful that they're coveted despite their looks - or maybe their looks even become their "thing", like with Steve Buscemi. If Steve Buscemi wasn't Steve Buscemi, there's no way I'd think he's hot. But he's funny, successful, and has that hook that makes him very attractive to me.
So, as with everything, your looks and how you deal with them all come down to your own will and drive to achieve personal happiness in life.
Sometimes what we choose to believe and what is objectively true don't match up. Body dysmorphic disorder (I think that's what you're abbreviating?) is a very real thing. The most common examples are young anorexic women who see themselves as fat no matter how skeletal they become and young "gymorexic" men who abuse steroids and supplements because their idea of a normal, healthy body becomes so out of whack. But you're right: just generally having constant thoughts that you're ugly doesn't equal BDD. It is indicative, however, of crippling low self-esteem and, I'd argue, vanity.
Anyway, of the ugly people that I know there's a pretty even split as to how successful they are, and that split exists because of how those people choose to live their lives. There's the one side where the people happily "settle" for equally unattractive mates and into jobs that allow them to be meek and go relatively unnoticed OR they find comfort in a welcoming niche (geekdom being the most obvious example). On the other side, are the less successful people who mope about how their bad looks are the source of all their misery and lead reclusive, misanthropic existences.
And of course there are the (much rarer) outliers who have such self-assured personalities and/or become so successful that they're coveted despite their looks - or maybe their looks even become their "thing", like with Steve Buscemi. If Steve Buscemi wasn't Steve Buscemi, there's no way I'd think he's hot. But he's funny, successful, and has that hook that makes him very attractive to me.
So, as with everything, your looks and how you deal with them all come down to your own will and drive to achieve personal happiness in life.
Steve Buscemj isn't even ugly and looks pretty handsome when he wears a goatee.
It's all about the luck of the draw I guess. Confidence comes from how you were raised as a child. If you have those foundations in place maybe you can beat it but I don't think that's the norm. Also ugly people are just people and therefore are just as visual as anyone else, so they aren't likely to be attracted to people just as ugly.
I agree that the BDD label can be applied to anorexia which is a horrible affliction. It should not be applied to people who have good cause for mental suffering as a result of something seriously wrong with their appearance.
Oh and to the "I don't want taxpayers money paying for X", I'm sure you don't mind taxpayers money being blown on pointless wars and weapons to kill people. I believe that dentistry needs to be far more affordable as does orthodontic surgery which could help a lot of people who needlessly suffer.
The biggest challenge by far for unattractive men (doesn't apply to women, as there are many average and even good looking men willing to date unattractive and even hideous women), is to completely give up and destroy the desire for relationships and sex. Once you've crossed into the "dark side" so to speak, it is possible to live a happy and content life though at times you'll feel empty and are missing out on something most other humans take for granted. The desire I mentioned earlier can be greatly suppressed, but it's going to take some breakthrough in medical science to completely remove it without major side effects to one's general health.
I don't think that any man can be so unattractive that he can't find a partner. Either he is insecure and afraid to approach women, or it's something about his personality that is not appealing. In my single days, I dated some ugly guys...I never thought of them that way, they had personalities that appealed to me. The man I ended up marrying has a lazy eye and a scar all the way up the center of his belly. It's never mattered to me, he's always been beautiful to me. I know plenty of other women who are married to or in love with guys who most people would not consider attractive. If you've given up on finding a relationship, that's because you wanted to give up, not because no woman would have you.
It's all about the luck of the draw I guess. Confidence comes from how you were raised as a child. If you have those foundations in place maybe you can beat it but I don't think that's the norm. Also ugly people are just people and therefore are just as visual as anyone else, so they aren't likely to be attracted to people just as ugly.
Oh and to the "I don't want taxpayers money paying for X", I'm sure you don't mind taxpayers money being blown on pointless wars and weapons to kill people. I believe that dentistry needs to be far more affordable as does orthodontic surgery which could help a lot of people who needlessly suffer.
No, confidence comes from that individual choosing to be confident. I have past trauma, and so I've come to know and hear the experiences of many others who have awful, awful trauma in their pasts. The will of those people to overcome and pursue happiness and success despite coming from deprived, abusive, devastating, or alienated childhood/adolescence situations proves to me that it's all in you. That doesn't mean it's easy nor does it mean you'll just wake up one day realizing your own potential, but it does mean that it's only up to you to gain that confidence.
I didn't say anything about tax in my first post, but I don't believe that the government and taxpayer should be responsible for vanity surgeries. Mental health, yes. Plastic surgery, no. And no, I don't support our current defense budget, so that argument is moot (I actually believe that argument is what is called a Straw Man fallacy).
BDD is not only applied to those who have something such as an eating disorder but also to people who believe that, for example. they should not have a particular limb and want it removed. It is a horrible disorder as such individuals will often go to extremes and attempt to remedy the situation themselves with tragic results.
As for 'ugly' people and how they fare in general I can only speak from personal experience. I grew up with a boy who had a disfiguring tumor. It covered half of his face and was attached to the optic nerve so it could only be reduced, not removed. It caused his eye to bulge a couple of inches from his face, he was blind in that eye, and pulled his lip out of line as well. It made his speech odd, he went to speech therapy when we where in elementary school and that helped. He never married but owned a successful printing business. He died in his early 40s of complications of the tumor. As far as I knew he led a full life, he bowled, had many friends, belonged to a church and engaged in many activities. He was upbeat and friendly. We weren't friends after elementary school because his mom wouldn't allow him to cross the color line as she was biracial and feared her children might marry outside their race and suffer for it.
To the OP: I used to have a supervisor who's probably never had a man whistle at her and or look at her twice. However, she has a husband who absolutely adores her, and some of their children are actually pretty goodlooking people.
In junior high I went through an "awkward" stage and so I experienced some of the nasty side of cruel children (and that was the only time in my life when I was unattractive to people). However, not every homely person is as miserable as you think. There are many, many highly unattractive people who are married, who live productive lives and could very well be happier than a lot of pretty people.
And when you have a lot of money you can be as homely as you want. Bill Gates is a good example. Steven Tyler is another one.
I would never support the idea of "free" plastic surgery. There are mental health agencies out there if someone is depressed enough through lack of self-esteem. Bullying continues to be a targeted subject, but I don't know how much of human nature it is going to curb.
A thread that was moved from the relationships to the fashion forum got me thinking. It seems that few people wish to acknowledge how being born physically ugly, unattractive or deformed can severely compromise or even destroy an individual's quality of life (I believe that without any kind of quality of life you are basically not living).
We all know that people are cruel and judgmental while others will spin the "it's what's inside that counts" nonsense to try to make afflicted people feel better. The reality is that being severely unattractive will cause the following problems:
- You will / have been severely bullied and tormented at school
- Little or no chance of ever experiencing love
- Difficulty making friends
- More difficulty obtaining employment.
As a result of the above, many so-called ugly people lead lives of loneliness, rejection and self loathing. Everyone is different and I'm sure some can live with it, while others become severely depressed or even suicidal (such people are the ones I'm referring to).
Cosmetic surgery is very expensive and many people simply cannot afford to fix themselves to be accepted by this cruel and judgmental culture here in America. Without money or good insurance there's little you can do. Such people are wedged between having a disability in which they would most likely get free healthcare, but are too normal in every other sense to qualify for such life changing help. Even people who are poor and born with severe dental or orthodontic problems are basically screwed because of the cost.
So what can be done for such people? Obviously you can't make someone be attracted to an ugly person and I don't believe that ugliness should be treated as a disability (I do think such people should be protected from obvious discrimination though). These are some of my suggestions:
- Free cosmetic, dental and orthodontic surgery for those who qualify
- Free mental health counseling
- More focus on anti bullying
- Anti discrimination laws to protect people
- For those who choose not to live, assisted suicide (as who wants to go through such a miserable life if nothing can be done to improve the situation for the sufferer)
What are your thoughts?
Non-creep. Please read twice through what you just wrote. The words you use, what you are saying, and the assumptions you are making sounds incredibly shallow. I've had multiple friends in college who had physical disabilities but this did not deter them from living to their utmost potential. A lab partner of mine had to be plugged in at night and was partially paralyzed. Rather than pity him, or treat him with more sympathy than others, I treated him as who he was...an equal. He was incredibly gifted. He was also confident, polite, and had a good disposition. He graduated with an aerospace engineering degree with me. He found an environment where his strengths would be recognized and he would not be treated as a 'special' because he was different.
I think you are watching too much TV (which is fantasy, not reality).
In real life, looks are not so important. Personality is the thing which counts for relationships and friends.
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