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The term "incel" has a pretty specific definition.
The women who have dropped out of dating have also dropped out of having casual sex.
And they guys CAN get sex in many cases. And yes, prostitution is ONE way. I know it's illegal in MOST places in the US.
But the majority of incels that I know of feel that resorting to prostitution is "beneath" them. They don't feel that they should have to pay for sex.
i think its far easier for a woman to get casual sex than a man [if she wants to]
simply because men generally are looking more for causal sex and women esp older ones for relationships
supply and demand issue
a lot of what incels say is classic coping mechanisms , sour grapes to them
i think its far easier for a woman to get casual sex than a man [if she wants to]
simply because men generally are looking more for causal sex and women esp older ones for relationships
supply and demand issue
a lot of what incels say is classic coping mechanisms , sour grapes to them
So, when Elliot Rodger wrote is 100+ page manifesto, and then went out and slaughtered those people, he was just..."coping"?
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
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With a few exceptions, Incels mostly just seem to be younger guys with the usual 'younger' kinda issues... like finding 'meaning', 'what do I wanna be when I grow up', 'what does it mean to be 'mature' and a 'man'", etc., etc.... all of which is further complicated if they happen to fall somewhere on the 'spectrum', and already have trouble with maybe OCD, ADHD, excessive 'literalness', and coping with the intricacies of 'social communication' in general.
In earlier times, perhaps they mighta just been 'outsiders' who never quite 'fit in'. But thanks to the interwebs, nowadays even the most 'different' Outsider, no matter where they live, can still manage to find like-minded types, and organize.
And yeah, a lot of 'em do have plenty of 'anger' issues, but frankly, with so much 'entitlement' these days, who doesn't feel angry anymore (religious folks, Right Wing, Left Wing, Feminists, whatever)?!
Last edited by mateo45; 07-22-2021 at 10:06 PM..
Reason: spell..
I’d like to hear from a self identifying incel on this topic. Do you feel hated? Rejected? How do you handle this?
Hated? No, I don’t feel hated. I do think that society has an overall negative view of men who have a hard time finding relationships. Take a stroll through a large, contentious comment section on Reddit or Facebook and you’ll find insults along those lines…”virgin,” “sexless,” “can’t get a girlfriend,” things like that. People associate male celibacy with undesirableness. So, I don’t feel personally hated by anyone, but I do think that people generally have a low opinion of men who struggle to get into relationships. It’s why I dissembled, deflected, and sometimes outright lied when asked about my non-existent experiences in my teens and 20’s.
Rejected? Yes. Often. My romantic attempts feel like one big rejection going all the way back to…middle school, really. Tough to get them out of my head. When I’m asking a woman out I try to empty them from my mind as much as possible, muster what confidence I can, but fresh rejection brings them all careening back to the forefront.
How do I handle it? Poorly, hah. Raging at myself for not being good enough (never raging at women…I’m not entitled to anything from them, and they are certainly entitled to their standards). Bellyaching and venting here and elsewhere on the internet. Long, ponderous, over-analytical autopsies of my rejections. Endlessly reading material that might “help” (like how to identify signs of interest, or psych videos on developing charisma) or validate my anxieties and insecurities (reading threads and articles about women’s horror stories trying to date).
What I don't understand is why these idiots don't hire sex workers. Is there something obvious I'm overlooking?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mink57
…the majority of incels that I know of feel that resorting to prostitution is "beneath" them. They don't feel that they should have to pay for sex.
Maybe some people feel it’s beneath them. I’m a rule-follower, so I would be loath to engage a prostitute. But, even more importantly, it’s not necessarily the sex that I desire (okay, yes, I do desire that). Even more than that, I seek the feeling that I am desired, accepted, as a person and a man. The validation. That’s what I really feel the lack of. Money doesn’t buy that.
Maybe some people feel it’s beneath them. I’m a rule-follower, so I would be loath to engage a prostitute. But, even more importantly, it’s not necessarily the sex that I desire (okay, yes, I do desire that). Even more than that, I seek the feeling that I am desired, accepted, as a person and a man. The validation. That’s what I really feel the lack of. Money doesn’t buy that.
First of all, you're not an "incel". An incel isn't a man who simply hasn't had sex (or, hasn't had sex in a long time). As I mentioned before, it is defined as a specific group of celibate men, who hold a specific ideology.
You don't even come close to holding that ideology, AAL. Thank goodness...
Secondly, don't try to get validation through sex. If that's a reason that you want sex, then you want sex for the wrong reason.
First of all, you're not an "incel". An incel isn't a man who simply hasn't had sex (or, hasn't had sex in a long time). As I mentioned before, it is defined as a specific group of celibate men, who hold a specific ideology.
You don't even come close to holding that ideology, AAL. Thank goodness...
Secondly, don't try to get validation through sex. If that's a reason that you want sex, then you want sex for the wrong reason.
The desire for sex is, at root, a biological imperative. The lizards in our brains, to some extent or another for the most part, still shout “Mate!” like they shout “Feed!”, “Thirst!”, “Fight!”, and “Run!” Of course there are endless layers of ego and superego piled on that iddish impulse, but at the end of the day, it is biological to want to have sex.
But, you missed the point. It isn’t the sex that validates. If it was, prostitution would be a valid option. It’s the desire and acceptance as a worthy member of the species that validates. Sex…is the blocked-off conduit for that.
As for defining the term, I don’t see why the misogynistic ideology has to go hand-in-hand with the state of being involuntarily celibate. It didn’t originally. The original incel was actually a woman…she coined the term to describe herself.
The desire for sex is, at root, a biological imperative. The lizards in our brains, to some extent or another for the most part, still shout “Mate!” like they shout “Feed!”, “Thirst!”, “Fight!”, and “Run!” Of course there are endless layers of ego and superego piled on that iddish impulse, but at the end of the day, it is biological to want to have sex.
If THAT'S what you want to believe...
Whether it is or isn't is beyond the scope of this thread.
Quote:
But, you missed the point. It isn’t the sex that validates. If it was, prostitution would be a valid option. It’s the desire and acceptance as a worthy member of the species that validates. Sex…is the blocked-off conduit for that.
Funny how there are other people out there who receive their validation from themselves.; not from others. They understand that they ARE desirable, even if no one seems to desire them NOW. They accept themselves without feeling the need to depend on someone else for acceptance.
Perhaps those people have more control over their "lizard brain" than others.
Quote:
As for defining the term, I don’t see why the misogynistic ideology has to go hand-in-hand with the state of being involuntarily celibate. It didn’t originally. The original incel was actually a woman…she coined the term to describe herself.
Yes, the term was coined by a woman originally. But as with many other things that start out innocently, it became corrupted along the way.
That's at the heart of it. The men who call themselves incels on the internet aren't just regular dudes going through a rough patch romantically. They have maladjusted ideas about women and sex and relationships. They feel entitled to women's bodies and their time, and they want to make women pay for not giving them what they want. This is not the kind of person that a well-adjusted woman who's bowed out of the dating market because of her own frustrations wants to be matched up with.
Correct, because incel is a trashy, self-absorbed term in the MGTOW world, where women are nothing more than manipulative commodities.
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