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Not having children when you've always wanted them can be devastating emotionally to both men and women.
Not so sure I’d agree relative to the women I’ve dated/friends I have. Would you agree it’s more likely to be devastating to women, as a whole?
As a man who always thought I’d be a dad someday (and would have been, if she had not been tragically lost), I tend not to think about (the specifics to) having a kid in the future i.e. it is what it is or will be. It’s certainly not because I’ve ruled it out (and perhaps it’s relative to the fact I’m in my forties whereas the women I date tend to be younger), but I think the motherly bond/emotional yearning for such is a bit stronger. Fatherly bonds come after the fact for us whereas the baby is part of a woman’s body for nine months (and physically relies on them after birth as well).
Eh....lots of women don't want kids...lots of men do. I suppose it's possible to find some survey data and determine statistically which sex MOST wants them but I'd wager that even though it may be for different reasons, the actual proportion is not hugely different between the sexes. At least not different enough to make much of a practical difference.
While we can all spout the common sense and typical reactions/bonding to kids there's no reason to assume it is the same for all. I know I've never wanted kids and never even played with dolls as a child. Anyway, it's ill-advised to either assume large differences between the genders or no differences. Real life is quite variable and isn't that great!
One thing I'd be interested to know is if people who find out they're infertile suffer a form of "sour grapes" and feel an even greater desire to procreate since they can't (at least not in the easiest, conventional manner). Some people certainly fixate on and desire that which they can't have which is truly unfortunate.
Eh....lots of women don't want kids...lots of men do.
Sure, I can’t imagine anyone not understanding this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63
I suppose it's possible to find some survey data and determine statistically which sex MOST wants them but I'd wager that even though it may be for different reasons, the actual proportion is not hugely different between the sexes.
Why are you talking about survey data relative to my clearly-stated personal opinion (based in re: the women I’ve dated as well as friends). I certainly didn’t suggest anyone had to agree with me (nor was I drawing any specific conclusion relative to such). In fact, I simply asked WannabeCPA if he/she would agree it’s more likely to be ‘devastating’ to women, as a whole (and gave my reasons for thinking such i.e. the hormonal changes, their desire to experience pregnancy in and of itself and so on). Obviously, it’s not the case for all women; but none of us (men) grew up thinking about pregnancy (or can relate); it’s an exclusively female experience/thought in and of itself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63
While we can all spout the common sense and typical reactions/bonding to kids there's no reason to assume it is the same for all.
Never said it was for all; I was comparing male vs. female emotions relative to such, as a whole, prior to (or after) a pregnancy is established. The motherly bond has a nine-month biological and hormonal head-start.
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63
One thing I'd be interested to know is if people who find out they're infertile suffer a form of "sour grapes" and feel an even greater desire to procreate since they can't (at least not in the easiest, conventional manner). Some people certainly fixate on and desire that which they can't have which is truly unfortunate.
I think it depends on the psychological health of a person (and their coping skills); also, how satisfying is their life overall i.e. career, personal relationships, interests and such. That said, to my knowledge, I don’t know of anyone who is; but I’ve certainly dated a few women who didn’t want any kids (and far more who did).
Sure, I can’t imagine anyone not understanding this.
Why are you talking about survey data relative to my clearly-stated personal opinion (based in re: the women I’ve dated as well as friends). I certainly didn’t suggest anyone had to agree with me (nor was I drawing any specific conclusion relative to such). In fact, I simply asked WannabeCPA if he/she would agree it’s more likely to be ‘devastating’ to women, as a whole (and gave my reasons for thinking such i.e. the hormonal changes, their desire to experience pregnancy in and of itself and so on). Obviously, it’s not the case for all women; but none of us (men) grew up thinking about pregnancy (or can relate); it’s an exclusively female experience/thought in and of itself.
Never said it was for all; I was comparing male vs. female emotions relative to such, as a whole, prior to (or after) a pregnancy is established. The motherly bond has a nine-month biological and hormonal head-start.
I think it depends on the psychological health of a person (and their coping skills); also, how satisfying is their life overall i.e. career, personal relationships, interests and such. That said, to my knowledge, I don’t know of anyone who is; but I’ve certainly dated a few women who didn’t want any kids (and far more who did).
It's very clearly the bonding between the genders have deteriorated over the years. Less men want commitment and kids. More are opting for vasectomies and cohabitating with gf after gf.
However, my friend's brother just found out recently that he's permanently infertile. I don't know the name but it's when a man doesn't or can't produce any sperm. He was actually in tears when he got that news. She was trying to comfort him by listing the bright side of things such as no longer worrying about paying for child support, a gf babytrapping him, or younger women demanding for a kid, to treat it as a blessing. None of what she said helped at all. He doesn't want to speak with anyone at this moment.
If the number of men having vasectomies have skyrocketed over the recent years (this means more men wish they were infertile), why aren't naturally infertile men happy?
How would you and your friend feel if you wanted kids but were told you could not have any?
Reading your posts, it sounds like you're a person who may not even want any, so you can't put yourself in her brothers shoes the feeling you would have being told you can never have a biological child which is devastating to hear if you did want kids.
Many people feel like their body is broken because they will never get to contribute DNA in order to have a biological child. If they want to have one, it is either adoption or needing an egg or sperm donor, then you have a procedure where the doctor will be the one putting the fertilized egg into your body, then you will eventually find out if your body is "more broken" then being infertile, your body may not even be able to carry the baby which can be more devastation to find out that you'll never be able to do what a good majority of the women in the world can do.
You will have to come to terms with the cards you've been dealt. Deal with having your dreams taken from you of having a biological child that you carry for 9 months.
I will be surprised if your friends brother appreciated the reasons why being infertile aren't so bad because he probably wanted to have a biological child, even if he had to pay child support for 18 years because it would mean his dreams of having a biological child were not taken away from him like they were.
How would you or your friend feel if you lost all of your hair tomorrow? You see a doctor, find out that you'd be a woman who could not grow more hair, that you had to spend the rest of your life bald or having to wear a wig....
I know plenty of guys who do want kids, I also know women who do not. I know couples where the guy will not be able to have biological children because their woman doesn't want any. Either they decide to find another who does want to have kids or they will spend their life not having any.
Because vasectomy is a choice, being infertile is not.
Also some men undergo vasectomy after having one or more children. Infertile men are not that fortunate.
That's pretty simple, isn't??
I fathered two children with my first wife. My 2nd wife and I agreed we did not want children so I had a vasectomy at age 35 but as you say, my choice. My son had one at age 40 as he did not want children. At age 45 he married a 35 year old divorced women who has one child and she wanted no more so it worked for them.
(a) some men want kids so are upset if they can't father them.
(b) some men fear loss or damage to their marriage if they can't father children.
(c) for many men it is a symbol of their masculinity, so to find out they are infertile can be devastating to how they see themself as a man.
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Im very staunchly childfree and I’d have a problem with being infertile not by having the snip. I’d mainly be worried about other health issues that would come with that.
Not so sure I’d agree relative to the women I’ve dated/friends I have. Would you agree it’s more likely to be devastating to women, as a whole?
As a man who always thought I’d be a dad someday (and would have been, if she had not been tragically lost), I tend not to think about (the specifics to) having a kid in the future i.e. it is what it is or will be. It’s certainly not because I’ve ruled it out (and perhaps it’s relative to the fact I’m in my forties whereas the women I date tend to be younger), but I think the motherly bond/emotional yearning for such is a bit stronger. Fatherly bonds come after the fact for us whereas the baby is part of a woman’s body for nine months (and physically relies on them after birth as well).
There's no way to know for sure as I don't believe I've ever seen any kind of study related to this, but if I had to chose, then I would agree generally speaking it would be more devastating to a women than a man. But there are still many men who would have a very hard time dealing with not being able to have children when they want some.
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