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It's very clearly the bonding between the genders have deteriorated over the years. Less men want commitment and kids. More are opting for vasectomies and cohabitating with gf after gf.
However, my friend's brother just found out recently that he's permanently infertile. I don't know the name but it's when a man doesn't or can't produce any sperm. He was actually in tears when he got that news. She was trying to comfort him by listing the bright side of things such as no longer worrying about paying for child support, a gf babytrapping him, or younger women demanding for a kid, to treat it as a blessing. None of what she said helped at all. He doesn't want to speak with anyone at this moment.
If the number of men having vasectomies have skyrocketed over the recent years (this means more men wish they were infertile), why aren't naturally infertile men happy?
It's very clearly the bonding between the genders have deteriorated over the years. Less men want commitment and kids. More are opting for vasectomies and cohabitating with gf after gf.
However, my friend's brother just found out recently that he's permanently infertile. I don't know the name but it's when a man doesn't or can't produce any sperm. He was actually in tears when he got that news. She was trying to comfort him by listing the bright side of things such as no longer worrying about paying for child support, a gf babytrapping him, or younger women demanding for a kid, to treat it as a blessing. None of what she said helped at all. He doesn't want to speak with anyone at this moment.
If the number of men having vasectomies have skyrocketed over the recent years (this means more men wish they were infertile), why aren't naturally infertile men happy?
As a woman, do *you* appreciate it when others (in particular, men) try to assume what you do and do not want; to put you in a box whether or not you fit into it?
The same thing goes for men. They're individuals with thoughts, feelings, and dreams. Some men reel back in horror at the thought of becoming a parent; others look forward to one day starting a family of their own.
Your friend's brother is grieving that which he'll never have due to a cruel trick of biology. None of what your friend is telling her brother is any comfort to someone who might have dreamed of one day fathering a child.
In short, how would you and your friend feel if the brother in this scenario was a sister who had recently discovered that she would never be able to conceive and carry a baby. Would you tell her to "hey--look on the bright side--you'll never have to deal with deadbeat dads, dragging said deadbeats to court so that you could have his wages garnished to pay child support, or a man poking holes in condoms in order to bind you to him with an unwanted pregnancy?" I'm betting that both you and your friend would consider that reaction to be both cruel and insensitive.
In short, men have feelings (sometimes very deep ones) about whether or not they'd one day like to have a biological child of their own. To have the choice snatched away is a very sad thing, so that your friend's brother is essentially in mourning right now is unsurprising.
The "inability to bond" has very little to do with voluntary or involuntary infertility! Both men and women are free to choose whether or not they desire children, and which partner they might want to create them with! Someone who is permanently infertile has been denied that choice. It could be devastating.
Last edited by Parnassia; 01-07-2023 at 04:41 PM..
Because each person is an individual and has their own personality along with different goals in life. Kind of like saying "if more women today are deciding to voluntarily forgo having children compared to the past, why would a women who cannot have kids ever be sad about it?" Your logic makes no sense at all. Also, despite what you may read on the internet, especially social media type stories, I still believe most people, men and women, still want to have kids and a family of their own. Not having children when you've always wanted them can be devastating emotionally to both men and women.
As a woman, do *you* appreciate it when others (in particular, men) try to assume what you do and do not want; to put you in a box whether or not you fit into it?
True. I hate it whenever I see men on other sites claiming we want to marry them to take away their assets. I'm actually against collecting monetary incentive unless they (regardless of gender) had an affair and abandoned you and your child or you've been a legitimate victim of abuse. I don't want anyone's money. I hate getting immediately distrusted from the start, getting viewed as ''oh here is another golddigger'' and men trying to convince me to just do cohabitation, to agree with them just because living together for yes is the trend. Indeed I hate being put in a box of ''all women are golddiggers''. Yes you got a point right there.
My friend was shocked to see her brother cried because she hasn't seen a man crying over being infertile. It seems like she really underestimated a man's feeling about wanting kids. I was a bit surprised too. The reason to this is because usually it's the woman in the relationship generally pushing for kids earlier. So if the woman never nagged or pressure him into having a family (if she doesn't even mention the topic), would the man bring it up himself without the woman saying anything about it? We thought it's usually our idea and the man considering it because us bringing up the topic.
If more men are having vasectomies, why aren't infertile men happy?
There’s a huge distinction between (voluntarily having a) vasectomy vs. infertility. I imagine some men who are infertile don’t even know they are, unless they were specifically trying to have a baby - in which case, it would stand to reason some of them may not be happy about it (particularly relative to their girlfriends/wives). However, they could adopt or whatever, if it were that important to them.
That said, I don’t see the majority of us (single men) as being ‘happy’ to line up for a vasectomy, either - lol. As it’s a permanent form of birth control, it’s more of a decision to be made later on with a wife or life partner as a couple (if necessary).
If the number of men having vasectomies have skyrocketed over the recent years (this means more men wish they were infertile), why aren't naturally infertile men happy?
Because vasectomy is a choice, being infertile is not.
Also some men undergo vasectomy after having one or more children. Infertile men are not that fortunate.
My friend was shocked to see her brother cried because she hasn't seen a man crying over being infertile. It seems like she really underestimated a man's feeling about wanting kids. I was a bit surprised too. The reason to this is because usually it's the woman in the relationship generally pushing for kids earlier. So if the woman never nagged or pressure him into having a family (if she doesn't even mention the topic), would the man bring it up himself without the woman saying anything about it? We thought it's usually our idea and the man considering it because us bringing up the topic.
You are making sweeping generalizations about relationships again. You probably need to separate out the whole trust/gold digger/emotional expectations thing from the biological. The woman isn't always the one to bring up the kids topic. Many men want kids just as many women don't. I can bring to mind a number of men who were the one to broach the topic in their relationships. Women may be more likely to "bring it up earlier" because they have more of a biological clock to consider than men do.
Case in point. My sister didn't really want kids early on in the relationship with my BIL. She preferred focusing on a career. HE was the one who really wanted to be a parent. Over time that changed. Eventually, and I suspect because she heard her biological clock ticking, she acquiesced, and they decided to have at least one child before the option expired.
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