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I much prefer small groups. You can hold a decent conversation with everyone, and the natural flow of things goes more smoothly. With large groups there are multiple overlapping conversations going on. You do a lot of switching among different people, so a lot of the conversations get repetitive, and most are pretty shallow. The only positive with large groups is, if they are large enough, and there is enough space to allow it, large groups eventually settle out into multiple small groups in different parts of the room doing their own thing and not interacting among the groups. But most large groups aren't big enough to do that and there isn't enough room to spread out.
This isn't a straightforward question IMHO. Depending on what the activity is, I'd describe my preference as slotted...either very small (2-5) or very large (200+). Not much in the middle. A very small one-on-one group is fine. A very large group is impersonal enough I can feel anonymous with no requirement to engage with anyone. That takes the pressure off.
I agree that it varies depending on the activity. I was mostly referring to get-togethers where talking was the main focus. I've noticed that if there are 10+ people, there tends to be multiple conversations going on and it gets uncomfortably noisy. I probably end up only talking with a fraction of the people present, and maybe I end up wondering what I missed by not having met the others.
What prompted me to create this topic was finding a Meetup group for people who enjoy mystery novels, a passion of mine that nobody I know seems to share. However, this group's book discussions appear to have 20 people present, and waiting lists with as many as 15 more. I know from experience that I would be useless at such an event because I'd never get a chance to say much of anything. Whereas, chatting about mystery novels with 4 other people would be a joy for me.
I only do large groups at musical events (don't know everyone), but know quite a few. Or a local Wine and Beer bar with 1 or 3 people, but know tons of people there. I mainly want me and 2 friends so the conversation is quiet and flows, I have only 2 good friends around my age that I do stuff together.
What prompted me to create this topic was finding a Meetup group for people who enjoy mystery novels, a passion of mine that nobody I know seems to share. However, this group's book discussions appear to have 20 people present, and waiting lists with as many as 15 more. I know from experience that I would be useless at such an event because I'd never get a chance to say much of anything. Whereas, chatting about mystery novels with 4 other people would be a joy for me.
Join the group to meet folks who share your interest. It’s likely you’ll form the potential for a sincere friendship with only a few of them anyway, and perhaps you can start your own smaller group or simply discuss with them outside of it. You could also make the suggestion they split into smaller groups for discussion some of the time, perhaps based on different books or topics.
In other words, it’s far more harmful from a psychological standpoint to hold yourself back from something you enjoy than it is to adapt, compromise or find an alternate route.
I don't like "just" socializing -- sitting around talking -- nor do I like one-on-one interactions unless we're very close. I'm an introvert and quiet and reserved and don't find that many people I can really have deep conversations with, so the small talk becomes wearing and exhausting. I'm always doing something else along with the socializing (we're engaged in some intentional activity), and my preference is for at least two other people. A larger group is fine. They can talk to each other about whatever while I just listen and interject something occasionally. I enjoy that. It gives me socialization without having to feel responsible for having to hold up half of the conversation myself.
As for Meetups... If the limit is 20 and there are 15 on the waiting list, that just means there are people to take the place of those who drop out; the number will always be 20 (or fewer).
TBH, a lot of people form and join Meetup groups to meet people, not so much to engage in the ostensible activity. Some use them almost as a dating site, and I've noticed as I grow older that they tend to trend younger, LOL. Often, they're new to town or newly single and looking for friends and lovers and drop out as soon as they find some. Some groups take off, and others fizzle out. It's really a mixed bag. If this is a newly formed group, you may get a lot of one- or two-timers, but then end up with a smaller core group who is actually there to discuss mysteries and will stick with it long-term.
I can relate only in regard to our (my wife and I) version of a meetup... we often entertain neighbor get togethers. They can get upwards of 15. Many times different conversations are held. I always try to make sure all are included, as the quieter ones do open up when brought into talks.
I don't feel pressure to talk to anyone or not to talk, I just love the company and it often flows naturally. When we do these we make sure there's enough ideas to keep it interactive, whether it's fire night (we all bring chairs and I light a bonfire) or a bar-b-que in our backyard. I get questions to have fun with (favorite things, memories, stuff like that), they keep conversations going for a while as everyone has stories to tell. I also set up games like corn hole which everyone loves to do.
I think it's a great way to enjoy an afternoon or night, and it creates a great feeling among neighbors who would otherwise not know how to create friends and relationships. Just breaking the ice brings out all the different personalities... and you find out we are more alike than we think.
Life is short, I like to enjoy it as much as possible.
Join the group to meet folks who share your interest. It’s likely you’ll form the potential for a sincere friendship with only a few of them anyway, and perhaps you can start your own smaller group or simply discuss with them outside of it. You could also make the suggestion they split into smaller groups for discussion some of the time, perhaps based on different books or topics.
In other words, it’s far more harmful from a psychological standpoint to hold yourself back from something you enjoy than it is to adapt, compromise or find an alternate route.
I already posted a message on the site regarding the group size aspect, but I don't know if anybody even reads the messages. I should probably message the organizer directly.
I would also like to suggest they hold a couple of strictly social meetups, as opposed to discussions of one specific book. Apparently, they did that when the group started but I was unaware at the time. I would be more likely to show up for, and enjoy, something like that regardless of the group size.
I bring this up because I just came across a new specialized Meetup group that would be ideal for me, except they appear to have a 20-person limit, with an additional 15 on the waitlist for each gathering. It's hard enough for me to find groups I want to check out and this makes it not worth the effort.
Quote:
Originally Posted by michael917
What prompted me to create this topic was finding a Meetup group for people who enjoy mystery novels, a passion of mine that nobody I know seems to share. However, this group's book discussions appear to have 20 people present, and waiting lists with as many as 15 more.
Quote:
Originally Posted by michael917
I already posted a message on the site regarding the group size aspect, but I don't know if anybody even reads the messages. I should probably message the organizer directly.
Why not just directly address breaking off into smaller groups for different topics/books with the group? They are more likely to take suggestions seriously from folks who regularly show rather than on a message board which no one reads. In fact, I can’t imagine why they wouldn’t do so already; twenty folks in a free-flow chat re: the same mystery novel with fifteen on a waiting list? It would be an easy way to bring in the additional folks as well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by michael917
I know from experience that I would be useless at such an event because I'd never get a chance to say much of anything. Whereas, chatting about mystery novels with 4 other people would be a joy for me.
Keep in mind the point of a ‘meetup group’ is ultimately to meet other people; it’s not about how ‘useful’ or ‘useless’ you are relative to the discussion, as a whole.
I used to be a volunteer and in a position of leadership in an organization that, among other things, ran discussion groups. Normal size was maybe 5-15 people for a given group depending on the topic. One night a particularly popular group drew 60 people. We had to split it into two groups in two different rooms led by two different facilitators.
I agree with posts that mention how large parties and gatherings usually have small groups of conversation forming and breaking up and re-forming throughout the event. If you go out to dinner with more than a few people, you wind up with side conversations going on at this or that end of the table. That usually keeps things relatively comfortable, though loud venues certainly make it harder to socialize.
I have heard that in talk of introverts/extroverts, it's about what "recharges" you versus what "drains" you. I find that small group socializing tends to recharge me, but being in a crowd or a big party, feels more draining. I often feel a desire to step away to a quieter place for little breaks throughout. I think it's just the relative level of sensory and mental stimulation involved.
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