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Why not just directly address breaking off into smaller groups for different topics/books with the group? They are more likely to take suggestions seriously from folks who regularly show rather than on a message board which no one reads. In fact, I can’t imagine why they wouldn’t do so already; twenty folks in a free-flow chat re: the same mystery novel with fifteen on a waiting list? It would be an easy way to bring in the additional folks as well.
Bear in mind that I've never been to this group and with the large number of people who sign up, it's going to be a challenge to even get into one of their events once, let alone become a familiar face. In fact, with the group size and structure, it's doubtful that any one person will be able to become a regular.
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Originally Posted by CorporateCowboy
Keep in mind the point of a ‘meetup group’ is ultimately to meet other people; it’s not about how ‘useful’ or ‘useless’ you are relative to the discussion, as a whole.
When I talk about being useful to a discussion, I mean that if I go to an event advertised as "We're going to be meeting to talk about Book X," I want to spend at least some part of my evening discussing that book in some capacity, not just listen to the loudest people in the group share their thoughts.
I do want to meet people at these things, which is why I'd prefer a less formal gathering where I can talk about books in general with whoever happens to be there.
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Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
If you go out to dinner with more than a few people, you wind up with side conversations going on at this or that end of the table. That usually keeps things relatively comfortable, though loud venues certainly make it harder to socialize.
Yes, the loudness can really impact my ability to enjoy this sort of activity. Another potential downside of a large dinner group is, sometimes I overhear conversations at the opposite end of the table that are far more interesting and there's no way to simply go over and join in while we're all seated and eating dinner.
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Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
I have heard that in talk of introverts/extroverts, it's about what "recharges" you versus what "drains" you. I find that small group socializing tends to recharge me, but being in a crowd or a big party, feels more draining.
Bear in mind that I've never been to this group and with the large number of people who sign up, it's going to be a challenge to even get into one of their events once, let alone become a familiar face. In fact, with the group size and structure, it's doubtful that any one person will be able to become a regular.
If you are doubtful you’ll be able to ‘get in’ (and know you wouldn’t enjoy the size of the group anyway), why not simply look for something else? You’re expressing a lot of doubt and doing a lot of critiquing for someone who has never attended; perhaps you could think more positively about an alternative, at least while you wait.
Small groups where I can try to connect with "anyone", or bigger groups are more okay if I already know I have a good friend I can talk to and hang with if all else fails.
If you are doubtful you’ll be able to ‘get in’ (and know you wouldn’t enjoy the size of the group anyway), why not simply look for something else? You’re expressing a lot of doubt and doing a lot of critiquing for someone who has never attended; perhaps you could think more positively about an alternative, at least while you wait.
I'm always on the lookout for new things to do. The group I've been speaking of caught my eye because it's rare that I find a group centered so specifically on one of my favorite interests. I feel like there's potential to benefit from this somehow, I'm just theorizing how I might do so. I did sent a private message to the organizer to suggest doing a few meet & greet events, as I could see myself enjoying those regardless of group size. (Plus they already ran a few before I knew about it, so it's not like I'm trying to force a random idea onto a complete stranger.)
Bear in mind that I've never been to this group and with the large number of people who sign up, it's going to be a challenge to even get into one of their events once, let alone become a familiar face. In fact, with the group size and structure, it's doubtful that any one person will be able to become a regular.
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Originally Posted by michael917
I feel like there's potential to benefit from this somehow, I'm just theorizing how I might do so. I did sent a private message to the organizer to suggest doing a few meet & greet events, as I could see myself enjoying those regardless of group size. (Plus they already ran a few before I knew about it, so it's not like I'm trying to force a random idea onto a complete stranger.)
I’m not suggesting you’re trying to force anything; however, I do think you’re over-analyzing it, particularly since you’ve never attended a meeting. You previously mentioned a waiting list; are you on it? If so, what else is there to do, really, other than wait until a slot opens (and look elsewhere in the meantime)?
Relative to the forum, consider it may be more about social anxiety, in and of itself, rather than simply an issue of small groups vs. larger ones. You appear more concerned about your performance (or how ‘useful’ you’d be) vs. ‘going with the flow’ to meet folks who share a specific interest with you.
It really depends. If they're getting enough people to need a waiting list, they probably have to balance "too many people" with "too many complaints from people who had to miss out on the meetup/people having to sign up really far in advance to get a spot." (Or, as has been the case with some size-limited Meetups I'm in-- like pickup sports games-- having people show up who aren't signed up/are on the waiting list and taking spaces away from people who actually signed up. There have been times when the game literally has been stopped while the organizer sorts out who's actually signed up vs who just showed up and gets kicked off the field, so the people who actually signed up can play.)
The other thing is that the bigger the group, the better the chances you'll find someone you mesh with. If you show up to a group of 4 or 6 people and you don't get along well with them, then you're SOL. If the group is 20, you're more likely to find a couple you actually want to socialize with and get on with and you can always break out into smaller groups.
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Originally Posted by otterhere
I don't like "just" socializing -- sitting around talking -- nor do I like one-on-one interactions unless we're very close. I'm an introvert and quiet and reserved and don't find that many people I can really have deep conversations with, so the small talk becomes wearing and exhausting. I'm always doing something else along with the socializing (we're engaged in some intentional activity), and my preference is for at least two other people. A larger group is fine. They can talk to each other about whatever while I just listen and interject something occasionally. I enjoy that. It gives me socialization without having to feel responsible for having to hold up half of the conversation myself.
Exactly. I avoid the "the whole point is to socialize" groups like the plague; I can't imagine just sitting around making small talk with a bunch of strangers and hoping I like any of them and they like me. I tend to join groups to do the activity-- soccer, hiking, art, touring a city, etc. I don't really care if I socialize with anyone along the way, usually (in fact, sometimes I do not want to-- I'm there for the activity and just put up with the fact that it requires or involves other people). But there's always the option if I meet people I like.
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Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
If you go out to dinner with more than a few people, you wind up with side conversations going on at this or that end of the table. That usually keeps things relatively comfortable, though loud venues certainly make it harder to socialize.
The other difficult thing is when the conversation that interests you is at a different part of the table than your own, or the people on either side of you are having a conversation you're not involved in!
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Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
I have heard that in talk of introverts/extroverts, it's about what "recharges" you versus what "drains" you. I find that small group socializing tends to recharge me, but being in a crowd or a big party, feels more draining. I often feel a desire to step away to a quieter place for little breaks throughout. I think it's just the relative level of sensory and mental stimulation involved.
Yup. For me the dichotomy is between "people I already know and like" (and sometimes "already feel comfortable with") and "strangers I know nothing about." I enjoy being with people I like. I have little use for strangers. Doesn't matter the size of the group when it comes to this dynamic-- I'd rather be with a large group of friends than a small group of strangers.
Relative to the forum, consider it may be more about social anxiety, in and of itself, rather than simply an issue of small groups vs. larger ones. You appear more concerned about your performance (or how ‘useful’ you’d be) vs. ‘going with the flow’ to meet folks who share a specific interest with you.
Social anxiety is definitely a factor with me. Large groups intimidate me, in part because they are noisier and also because it's much harder for me to jump in when I feel I have something relevant to say. I like to wait for a lull in the conversation before I say something and with big groups, those are rare.
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Originally Posted by K12144
The other thing is that the bigger the group, the better the chances you'll find someone you mesh with. If you show up to a group of 4 or 6 people and you don't get along well with them, then you're SOL. If the group is 20, you're more likely to find a couple you actually want to socialize with and get on with and you can always break out into smaller groups.
This makes sense in theory. In my experience, though, if there are 20 people, it's doubtful I'll even get a chance to meet half of them. It really depends on how the activity is structured. And if I miss out on meeting 50-60% of the people, how do I even know if I might have formed a solid connection with any of them?
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Originally Posted by K12144
I avoid the "the whole point is to socialize" groups like the plague; I can't imagine just sitting around making small talk with a bunch of strangers and hoping I like any of them and they like me. I tend to join groups to do the activity-- soccer, hiking, art, touring a city, etc. I don't really care if I socialize with anyone along the way, usually (in fact, sometimes I do not want to-- I'm there for the activity and just put up with the fact that it requires or involves other people). But there's always the option if I meet people I like.
I prefer activity based groups as well, but again my experience varies with each group. I've joined walking/hiking groups where 20-25 people arrived, quickly fragmented into much smaller groups, and again I only get to meet a few of them. But I do agree that at least I get an activity out of it.
My preferred type of Meetup is one where there is forced interaction. For example, I'm in a board game group and also play on a trivia team that began as a Meetup activity. Hiking can be a social activity, but it doesn't absolutely have to be.
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Originally Posted by K12144
The other difficult thing is when the conversation that interests you is at a different part of the table than your own, or the people on either side of you are having a conversation you're not involved in!
Absolutely! I alluded to this myself earlier in this thread. This happened to me a few times on my last vacation. I did have some great moments of conversation during that week, but also a few "the really good chatter is way over there" moments as well. It's very frustrating.
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Originally Posted by K12144
I enjoy being with people I like. I have little use for strangers. Doesn't matter the size of the group when it comes to this dynamic-- I'd rather be with a large group of friends than a small group of strangers.
One of my ongoing issues is a large disconnect between my interests and those of my friends. It's part of why I'm constantly looking for new groups. Sure, it's far more comfortable being with people you know well, but if they want to talk endlessly about things you're not interested in, it stops being fun.
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