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But that's just it; the smaller the group, the more you ARE the center of attention. In a "group" of two, you're the SOLE object of attention.
I know, but I still hate it.
Anyway, one on one interactions are tolerable (mostly), but I couldn't function in a large crowd with everybody watching me. The best interactions are when you go to the grocery store. They greet you, you greet them (if you must), they ring up up, you pay them. Then you both say "see you later" or a variation of that. Then you leave.
But most times even that is too much contact. As much as I hate the modern world, I do have to admit that online ordering is a Godsend. Both in terms of my disability, and the near complete avoidance of the soul crushing experience that is human interaction.
Anyway, one on one interactions are tolerable (mostly), but I couldn't function in a large crowd with everybody watching me. The best interactions are when you go to the grocery store. They greet you, you greet them (if you must), they ring up up, you pay them. Then you both say "see you later" or a variation of that. Then you leave.
But most times even that is too much contact. As much as I hate the modern world, I do have to admit that online ordering is a Godsend. Both in terms of my disability, and the near complete avoidance of the soul crushing experience that is human interaction.
I think that in crowds or groups, maybe the problem is not that they are all looking at you... Because probably, they aren't. It's that you think that they are, or feel like they will.
I don't really like being in big crowds a lot of the time, but it's because of things like:
I'm short, so I can't see over people.
A lot of the time, it involves standing for hours, which gets uncomfortable.
It's overstimulating when lots of people are talking and there's just a lot of sensory information.
But if I'm going to be anxious in the way that you describe, it's probably connected to performance, especially of a kind I have no skill at. Dancing. I can't dance. I just can't. Getting my body to try and do what I tell it to do, is like trying to run through a swimming pool, it doesn't work. My friends do not understand this. Some are convinced I could if I just tried harder. I really can't. And I don't want to try harder, thanks. There's only one exception where I enjoy "dancing" (moving around in my own fashion whether it looks ok or not)...March Fourth Marching Band shows. Because everyone is dancing, the show is riveting, lots of people obviously have no particular skill, and no one is paying much attention to what anyone else is doing. That feels anonymous and safe enough. But if they start some kind of choreographed synced up move that everyone is supposed to do along with a specific song? I dash off to the sidelines. If there is a right way and a wrong way, I'm going to get it wrong and look stupid.
As for cashiers... Ya know, sometimes I'm in the mood for a bit of friendly chat, and I can get just a tiny perfect dose of that with a random cashier at a shop. Sometimes I'm a woman on a mission and do not want to interact with humans, and those days I love the self checkouts.
Oddly, I think larger groups are more introvert-friendly because the onus isn't on you to keep the conversation going or people entertained; you can fade into the background, but still be sociable.
Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere
But that's just it; the smaller the group, the more you ARE the center of attention. In a "group" of two, you're the SOLE object of attention.
I believe it comes down to the purpose of the group.
If it's a group whose purpose is strictly to socialize, then yes a larger group can allow us to find one or two people to talk to, or to just walk around without talking and nobody will likely notice.
Of course, if your goal is to find new people to connect with, this type of setting can be challenging, with the noise factor and the constant "Which of these people will I connect best with?" worries.
On the other hand, if the purpose of the group is some sort of discussion, the larger size can be very intimidating if it means that every time you speak, 20+ people are staring at you. For me, at least, this type of setting might prevent me from participating at all.
In the end, it's all about what you personally want to get out of the experience.
I was reminded of this thread tonight. In one of my favorite activities, we used to have a sweet little group. We were all kind of quiet, reserved, thoughtful people. Then an extrovert stumbled into our midst. First, she began by sucking all the oxygen out of the room with her attention-seeking ways. Then she started photographing everything and everyone to post on her social media pages. Finally, she started inviting everyone she knows to join us so that now the whole dynamic of the group has changed, and not for the better. It occurred to me that extroverts are the Golden Retrievers of the human world, barging in and slobbering all over everyone indiscriminately, while introverts are the Siamese cats: restful, dignified, and selective. I actually live in dread of my extrovert acquaintances discovering my hobbies and coming in, taking over; it seems they have to be everywhere hogging everything! So, if the group is going to be large (or enlarged) by an extrovert, I definitely prefer a smaller group.
Last edited by otterhere; 02-12-2024 at 09:02 PM..
I was reminded of this thread tonight. In one of my favorite activities, we used to have a sweet little group. We were all kind of quiet, reserved, thoughtful people. Then an extrovert stumbled into our midst. First, she began by sucking all the oxygen out of the room with her attention-seeking ways. Then she started photographing everything and everyone to post on her social media pages. Finally, she started inviting everyone she knows to join us so that now the whole dynamic of the group has changed, and not for the better. It occurred to me that extroverts are the Golden Retrievers of the human world, barging in and slobbering all over everyone indiscriminately, while introverts are the Siamese cats: restful, dignified, and selective. I actually live in dread of my extrovert acquaintances discovering my hobbies and coming in, taking over; it seems they have to be everywhere hogging everything! So, if the group is going to be large (or enlarged) by an extrovert, I definitely prefer a smaller group.
I can relate to this. Some people need to be the center of attention, while others simply can't stop talking and may not even realize they are doing so.
My friend used to have a fire pit in his backyard and frequently would invite people over on summer weekends to sit around and chat. There was one guy who, if he showed up, altered the dynamic of the group entirely. It was always less enjoyable because the conversation was 100% directed by him.
We recently reunited with that guy, and he hasn't changed a bit.
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