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I have often thought of that myself and have come to the conclusion that it isn't that other people would want another to hurt like they are, but it does comfort somehow to know that another person really understands. Such as the death of a child. Nobody wishes that pain and horror on anyone, but is it comforting to know that you aren't alone? That there are others that understand what you're going through... even less traumatic things of course.
I never have thought that the phrase "misery loves company" meant too much more than that. That's why they have "group therapy" for certain things. Others know what and how you feel and it's important to know that you aren't the only one that actually survives these things. Everyone has trials and tribulations.
I think this only falls true when there is jealousy toward someone and vengeance is their main objective. That, I think, is when miserable people want other people to be miserable with them.
I have often thought of that myself and have come to the conclusion that it isn't that other people would want another to hurt like they are, but it does comfort somehow to know that another person really understands. Such as the death of a child. Nobody wishes that pain and horror on anyone, but is it comforting to know that you aren't alone? That there are others that understand what you're going through... even less traumatic things of course.
Commiserating with other persons who have experienced the same sort of loss isn’t the same as feeling resentful toward folks who are happy. The former is a constructive step in healing; the latter is not.
We often wish for ourselves what others have, and it affects our emotions. Welcome to the human condition.
yes, true, but don't you feel for the most part, most people are genuinely happy for others, if even they don't have what the other couple has?
Other than wanting a horse I don't ever remember looking at anyone with envy b/c they are happy together. It always made me smile inside to see that....
I don't think that people (unless they are actually horrible people) are resentful of other being happy. But are we talking about actually happy, or fake over the top "look at me" happy? Then its probably not resentment, but more of annoyance.
This topic made me think about this one video that has been popping up on my social media, and the comments were super divided, so I guess I could see both sides. There was a girl at a restaurant getting served pancakes. I think (and many comments said that too) that she might be some kind of influencer, because she had a camera set up, and was just filming herself with a server bringing her a plate of pancakes. When the pancakes arrived, she burst into this weird over the top happy dance. Then the camera panned over at the other table, and there was another girl there staring at her with "what is she doing" expression. So the comments divided between people agreeing with the other girl, because who in their right mind would be dancing when they get pancakes, and people bashing the other girl calling her miserable and jealous, because she can't be as happy as the other girl. I agree with the people who thought the pancake girl was crazy and annoying, just because I think it is ridiculous to start dancing like crazy just because you have received the food that you like. Its not like you won the lottery or got your dream job. But I can see why some people might think the other girl was resentful. Sometimes it's just annoyance with the over the top loud attention seeking fake behavior.
Jealousy. Not everyone gets jealous, but some people do. Some people might get jealous because they want that certain person or want that person more than the person who does have him/her. Some people, even if they are taken, might still desire another person even if it is uncouth to be upset about such a circumstance.
I don't consider jealousy healthy, but some people do.
You don't have to wish others well, but you don't have to hate them either or be mean to them.
Following a post I just made in another thread about something I've thought about from time to time, the way that acclimation to different places and social settings I've been in through my life has shifted my behavior, attitude and perspective...
I was once an edgy goth teenager in northern Virginia, a place rather known for near-hostile lack of casual friendliness and general niceness. Everyone I've talked to who has lived there or been there has agreed with me on this. The DC area is just not a very friendly place compared to most other regions of the continental US.
So at that time, as probably a combination of my edgy teen attitude that was a bit punk-adjacent and the overall vibe I was saturated in... It's not that I resented happy people. It was that I was "surviving" in what I saw to be...not a miserable life, but a rather pointless and nihilistic one. I didn't see a lot of meaning in anything, I thought that the things that adults lived for seemed shallow and stupid. I hated small talk and thought of niceness as fake. People who walked around blithely happy appeared to be in denial of the grim reality that we are meat sacks marching towards our graves or something. The more bubbly and perky an individual was, the more they looked like a brainwashed idiot to me, and the more my annoyance with them. I wanted to snarl at them. Oh I was so dark and edgy in my stompy combat boots. It's not that I would not smile it's only I wished I had sharper fangs to flash when I did.
But...ya know...then I grew up. Moved around. Had a couple of kids. I survived hardships that make me roll my eyes at anything I'd lived through up to that earlier, snarlier point in my life. I started to see that my performative angst was just as absurd as a cheerleader's performative Barbie smile. In my opinion, growing up means embracing all of our emotions and experiences and becoming a more well rounded person...and striving to be happy (in a genuinely content way, not a fake way) is not a bad purpose to have in life. I no longer look at other people who seem to be happy and think that they are kidding themselves or wonder what misery they are hiding or anything like that. I can just be happy for them.
This is probably also part of the mess of my first marriage, because it was the first version of me who met a man who seemed well enough matched to my state at that time, that I didn't reject him out of hand...but I grew and changed and he did not, at least not in the same way or toward the same light. I saw it as a deep betrayal after our kids were born when I was talking to him about trying to be happier and more prosperous as a family and he said something to the effect that happiness was stupid and fleeting and doesn't matter and survival is all that he cared about. I just could not get my head around continuing to be that way when you have children. How can you not want more for them?
I don't think that people (unless they are actually horrible people) are resentful of other being happy. But are we talking about actually happy, or fake over the top "look at me" happy? Then its probably not resentment, but more of annoyance.
This topic made me think about this one video that has been popping up on my social media, and the comments were super divided, so I guess I could see both sides. There was a girl at a restaurant getting served pancakes. I think (and many comments said that too) that she might be some kind of influencer, because she had a camera set up, and was just filming herself with a server bringing her a plate of pancakes. When the pancakes arrived, she burst into this weird over the top happy dance. Then the camera panned over at the other table, and there was another girl there staring at her with "what is she doing" expression. So the comments divided between people agreeing with the other girl, because who in their right mind would be dancing when they get pancakes, and people bashing the other girl calling her miserable and jealous, because she can't be as happy as the other girl. I agree with the people who thought the pancake girl was crazy and annoying, just because I think it is ridiculous to start dancing like crazy just because you have received the food that you like. Its not like you won the lottery or got your dream job. But I can see why some people might think the other girl was resentful. Sometimes it's just annoyance with the over the top loud attention seeking fake behavior.
Maybe pancakes are her raison d'etre.
Who are you to say that Pancake Girl isn't much happier about her pancakes than "winning the lottery or getting her dream job?"
Maybe Pancake Girl is happy in the moment and doesn't care what sour people think about her dance. Not everyone in the world is self conscious and worried about what others think of them.
I don't think that people (unless they are actually horrible people) are resentful of other being happy. But are we talking about actually happy, or fake over the top "look at me" happy? Then its probably not resentment, but more of annoyance.
This topic made me think about this one video that has been popping up on my social media, and the comments were super divided, so I guess I could see both sides. There was a girl at a restaurant getting served pancakes. I think (and many comments said that too) that she might be some kind of influencer, because she had a camera set up, and was just filming herself with a server bringing her a plate of pancakes. When the pancakes arrived, she burst into this weird over the top happy dance. Then the camera panned over at the other table, and there was another girl there staring at her with "what is she doing" expression. So the comments divided between people agreeing with the other girl, because who in their right mind would be dancing when they get pancakes, and people bashing the other girl calling her miserable and jealous, because she can't be as happy as the other girl. I agree with the people who thought the pancake girl was crazy and annoying, just because I think it is ridiculous to start dancing like crazy just because you have received the food that you like. Its not like you won the lottery or got your dream job. But I can see why some people might think the other girl was resentful. Sometimes it's just annoyance with the over the top loud attention seeking fake behavior.
I dearly love pancakes. One of my favorite foods! I probably won't ever jump out of my chair and do a happy dance, but I've been known to do happy fist pumps.
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