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I feel like I struggle to find words, especially in "deeper" conversations where I have to dig into my brain.
I pause alot and I feel like I speak so slow and people don't enjoy listening to me.
I'm wondering if it's the fact that we only see eloquent speakers in the media and it feels like that's the norm.
Or is that actually the norm? Do you guys just seamlessly spit out words as you think?
Honestly, I think, for me, it's probably a mixture of both. Especially if you're trying to express deep thoughts off the cuff. (Which I guess is basically what you said. lol)
I suppose, if you wanted to try and 'fix' it, maybe do things to increase your vocabulary. Maybe something like a "new word of the day" calendar, or maybe expand your recreational reading. That way, you have more words 'at your finger tips', so to speak.
But you didn't ask for ways to fix it, and I think that's OK too.
Those "eloquent speakers" have either rehearsed the speech or the topic before being televised or they've given that or variations on that speech multiple times to different audiences. They may go through some vocal warm up exercises and think about questions others are most likely going to ask about the topic as well. They are used to facing an audience and because they aren't nervous, they aren't wasting mental energy on it. They're freer to think on their feet. They may also find being in the spotlight catalyzing and enjoyable. All those factors help create a glib tongue.
I wouldn't compare yourself to people like that at all.
Last edited by Parnassia; 02-06-2024 at 05:05 PM..
I can write extremely well. Allow me to put my thoughts on paper and I can organize my thoughts fluently and several re-writes later, the thoughts are described succinctly, efficiently and effectively.
I can't speak off the cuff for beans. I can't organize thoughts or vocally use efficient words and thoughts off the cuff.
Those "eloquent speakers" have either rehearsed the speech or the topic before being televised or they've given that or variations on that speech multiple times to different audiences. They may go through some vocal warm up exercises and think about questions others are most likely going to ask about the topic as well. They are used to facing an audience and because they aren't nervous, they aren't wasting mental energy on it. They're freer to think on their feet. They may also find being in the spotlight catalyzing and enjoyable. All those factors help create a glib tongue.
I wouldn't compare yourself to people like that at all.
The ability to organize thoughts in your mind is a gift that is developed in some people.
Writing essays in high school, I had to just splash the written page with raw thoughts which I later organized into very well written essays. This took me several re-writes.
I had a friend who was able to generate and organize his thoughts mentally and do two re-writes in his head. His first written draft was actually his third re-write of the essay.
There is no amount of rehearsing or training I could have undergone to be able to do what he did just naturally.
Think "Mozart", the composer. He was able to write beautiful music in his head, and then just commit it almost complete to paper. What a rare ability.
I can't organize thoughts or vocally use efficient words and thoughts off the cuff.
I am a great writer but a lousy speaker.
Same. A cocktail of introversion and social anxiety makes speaking not so easy for me. Most people lose interest or interrupt me when I can't keep up in a conversation or simply have nothing to add. I'm okay with that, because I gain far more knowledge as a listener.
Also, watch out for the quiet ones. Just because we can't/don't talk much doesn't mean we're "slow".
Not sure how to quantify things like this, but to me, it's fairly rare to find someone who's articulate when it comes to more complex topics. However, being that everything is relative, maybe not being very articulate is actually the norm. I've certainly come across a lot of people who just blabber on and on without saying much of substance. I've also come across those that struggle to find the right words, like you claim to do. I would think practice would make one a better communicator.
I've always been in customer facing roles, so having the gift of the gab is important. But there are times (public speaking, big pitch) where I've felt like I struggle to verbalize my thoughts exactly. It just came down to nerves and getting in my own way.
I had to give a best man speech last year and decided to try taking Propranolol to stop the anxiety. You've probably seen the commercials for "Kicks" or "Hims" brand medication on TV. It's not hard to get, and it actually works wonders. You don't get mind fog at all, you don't even notice you've taken anything. What it does is stop the side effects you feel from anxiety (shakes, sweats, racing thoughts, heart pounding, etc..). It helps you remain calm and focus on what you're trying to say.
I stood up and gave that best man speech without issue, 100 people all eyes on me and I felt no nerves at all. I've taken it before an interview and felt completely calm. It just helps keep your head on straight. I don't use it every day, just whenever I know I'll be in a situation where my nerves jump up on me.
I was on it one time driving to a meeting and had a guy almost crash into me at an intersection, normally my adrenalin would be going and my heart pounding... nothing. No fight or flight response at all, just a thought of "man that was close" and keep on driving.
I can write extremely well. Allow me to put my thoughts on paper and I can organize my thoughts fluently and several re-writes later, the thoughts are described succinctly, efficiently and effectively.
I can't speak off the cuff for beans. I can't organize thoughts or vocally use efficient words and thoughts off the cuff.
I am a great writer but a lousy speaker.
I'm like this as well. Putting my thoughts into writing is easy for me, but thinking and speaking on the fly is a lot harder. I'm the person who thinks of the right thing to say on the way home or after the meeting. I don't know if it's introversion, anxiety, ADHD, or what, but it is what it is.
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