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The best "forced apology" I can recall seeing was from a wrongful death. It's been a long time, but I think something like DUI or such. The settlement in the case required him to write a paper check for one dollar and apology note each week to the family of the victim for the rest of his life. His lawyer tried to get it changed to one lump sum check, but the judge said nope. The punishment wasn't the dollar a week, but having to recognize what he did by forcing him to acknowledge it every week.
In general I feel that too many people get taught as kids that "I'm sorry" is one of the magic words. Just say the magic word and all goes away. They don't feel any contrition, just say the magic words.
I've never been bullied myself and my sympathy to those that have experienced that type of hardship. Ideally it would be great if a former bully reaches out, owns up to their past wrongs and apologizes to their victim.
What if that doesn't happen and the former bully is unremorseful (even still tries bullying you as an adult), should they be forced to apologize? Is it right for the former victim to demand an apology, knowing very well that it's going to be forced and insincere in the end?
I got inspired after watching the movie You Again 2010 by Kristen Bell. The movie was about a HS girl that has been bullied for 4 whole years by a popular cheerleader (JJ) and her friends. The victim literally gets thrown out of the school building and locked. Her older brother is clueless about it. Then 8 years later (she's now 26), she learns her brother's fiancee is the same cheerleader that tormented her back then. When they meet again after all these years, JJ pretends not to know her because supposedly she's too embarrassed of what she did back then and doesn't want to talk about it at all. However, the victim continues pressuring for an apology and even said '' Hey I wanted a real apology and I DESERVED one'' and JJ replies ''That was HS (still unrepentant about it)''. In the end, JJ apologizes but this was after she loses everything and is only sorry about getting caught and no longer getting married. She never properly apologizes. The victim never got her real apology. After all what type of apology is it if you had to demand it? The woman clearly sounded like a narcissist.
What do you think? If you know very well they're unremorseful, would you still insist on getting your apology? Should they still be forced to apologize even though it's going to be fake by then? They aren't feeling it at all.
A sincere apology cannot be forced. It only comes from the heart, as one becomes accountable for their wrong doing and truly feels badly about their actions. It has always been my experience that if someone seemingly "wronged " me and later brought it up themselves and apologized, it's probably been weighing on their heart for a while and you should accept the apology and never bring it up again.
apology has no purpose, are you going feel better because i say i was sorry, i think when kids get in fight in school, instead of apology, they ought to fight till one calls uncle, i could never understand the apology deal. got to be something with old religion like begging for your life
apology has no purpose, are you going feel better because i say i was sorry, i think when kids get in fight in school, instead of apology, they ought to fight till one calls uncle, i could never understand the apology deal. got to be something with old religion like begging for your life
It certainly serves a purpose; making the bully humiliate himself before someone he or she doesn't respect. The bully should learn that civility is not optional.
A sincere apology cannot be forced. It only comes from the heart, as one becomes accountable for their wrong doing and truly feels badly about their actions. It has always been my experience that if someone seemingly "wronged " me and later brought it up themselves and apologized, it's probably been weighing on their heart for a while and you should accept the apology and never bring it up again.
I agree (and two sides to every story as well). It’s far more meaningful to focus on one’s own psychological health/life than be emotionally invested in theirs.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jbgusa
It certainly serves a purpose; making the bully humiliate himself before someone he or she doesn't respect. The bully should learn that civility is not optional.
Too funny/ironic (and a bit sadistic). How is it civil to force (who you perceive to be) a bully to apologize in order to humiliate themselves (and apparently enjoy it as well). It negates the entire purpose/point of an apology.
Too funny/ironic (and a bit sadistic). How is it civil to force (who you perceive to be) a bully to apologize in order to humiliate themselves (and apparently enjoy it as well). It negates the entire purpose/point of an apology.
It negates a purpose of an apology, not all purposes. The bully should not suppose himself to make the rules.
It negates a purpose of an apology, not all purposes. The bully should not suppose himself to make the rules.
No one can make the rules relative to another’s behavior (or force someone to agree/see a situation the same way as they do); it is what it is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stephenMM
You can't force someone to apologize, and if you have to threaten them to get it done, then it means nothing.
Exactly; it simply means the one who alleges they were bullied is (now) the bully.
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