Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've never been bullied myself and my sympathy to those that have experienced that type of hardship. Ideally it would be great if a former bully reaches out, owns up to their past wrongs and apologizes to their victim.
What if that doesn't happen and the former bully is unremorseful (even still tries bullying you as an adult), should they be forced to apologize? Is it right for the former victim to demand an apology, knowing very well that it's going to be forced and insincere in the end?
I got inspired after watching the movie You Again 2010 by Kristen Bell. The movie was about a HS girl that has been bullied for 4 whole years by a popular cheerleader (JJ) and her friends. The victim literally gets thrown out of the school building and locked. Her older brother is clueless about it. Then 8 years later (she's now 26), she learns her brother's fiancee is the same cheerleader that tormented her back then. When they meet again after all these years, JJ pretends not to know her because supposedly she's too embarrassed of what she did back then and doesn't want to talk about it at all. However, the victim continues pressuring for an apology and even said '' Hey I wanted a real apology and I DESERVED one'' and JJ replies ''That was HS (still unrepentant about it)''. In the end, JJ apologizes but this was after she loses everything and is only sorry about getting caught and no longer getting married. She never properly apologizes. The victim never got her real apology. After all what type of apology is it if you had to demand it? The woman clearly sounded like a narcissist.
What do you think? If you know very well they're unremorseful, would you still insist on getting your apology? Should they still be forced to apologize even though it's going to be fake by then? They aren't feeling it at all.
Last edited by SocialBeeSarah; 02-08-2024 at 05:31 PM..
I probably wouldn't insist on an apology, sincere or otherwise. Hopefully since I was bullied, I've gained the wisdom and tools to move myself past both them and the injuries they inflicted. What that former bully does or doesn't do shouldn't affect what I do. Those are my decisions to make, not theirs. If I never move beyond being bullied (essentially taking away the bully's power over me), I'll just remain a victim. An apology won't change that.
This precisely. What is the victim going to do with the apology, clean him/herself with it, post about it on FB, etc?
Like you stated that changes nothing. It still happened. As much as I feel sad when school bullying still happens, I think saying ''I wanted a real apology and IDESERVEDONE'' sounds somewhat entitlement to me right there. That's like telling the former bully that you're so worthy of an apology for the sake of demanding it and that it needs to be granted. Nope, it doesn't. It's up to the person that did you wrong to reach out.
Not to sound harsh but to be honest, if I were to wrong someone, don't apologize nor want to but the person was so persistent on asking for an apology, I would probably be annoyed and tell them to shut up already.
I asked someone for an apology four years ago, for the first time in my life. He was acting the ass, so I told him it was time to sit down and talk, and I wanted an apology to sort of seal the deal and move forward. What I got was the fakest, canned-sounding apology. It was almost laughable, then and now. A few months later I dropped that person from my life permanently.
Don't waste your time with such nonsense. An apology should spring from the offender unrequested, and it's not all about just the words. The words have to match the actions. If they don't, move on.
If you have to prompt someone for an apology then likely their response wont be heartfelt. A true apology comes from a source of embarrassment, integrity and accountability.
A forced apology? No. Methinks that would be bullying to "force" an apology. I wouldn't do it. I would walk away and trust that the "bully" will eventually learn something.
When I was young I was bullied. Not badly, but it left an impression. Later on when I encountered bullies I simply refused to be bullied, ignored them if I could, but I never allowed any engagement or subsequent association with the bully. Not going to teach them anything.
My father was a bully. He could not be helped. He died alone and unhappy.
Aside from my own growth, the major consequence of my "encounters" with bullies has been continuing financial support for programs that support victims of domestic violence.
Should an unremorseful bully ever be forced to apologize?
You're talking about adult bullies, right? Not children?
I don't think it's possible. The only person that can force an apology from a bully is a judge in a court of law and even then the apology isn't going to be sincere, it's just going to be lip service for the judge.
Bullies take a perverse pleasure from bullying others. It makes them feel big and tough instead of small and worthless. I don't think repentance and apologies can be forced on any bully who isn't really feeling it so there's not much point in making an issue about forcing apologies from them.
Some kind of pay back against a bully might make the bullied person feel better temporarily but with pay back there's always the risk that if the bully knows who caused the pay back and is free to do so they might seek vengeance which could be a lot worse than any previous bullying they did. It's not worth it.
I think the best thing to do about bullies is to avoid them and if it's not possible to avoid them then do not suck up or try to appease them. Stand up to them, don't back down. Never try to befriend them and never trust them if they make a show of attempting to befriend you because they will be trying to trick you, and never turn your back on them.
Sidenote: You should watch the Korean show, Glory. It was hard to make it thru the first episode but the rest of the show was sweet revenge. Not direct overt revenge but slow psychological revenge. Making the bullies do it to themselves.
That said getting worked up about a bully later in life gives them too much space in your head. The cliche living a good life is the best revenge or something like it is better.
If you try and try with a person but they don’t change, or in case, apologize then drop them. It’s not healthy for you to stress about these people. The truth of the matter is they are the weak ones, not you.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
