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Our elderly father is not an easy man to deal with. He's currently living in Assisted Living. We're Catholic and he's very old school. He feels eulogies are not appropriate at a funeral mass. He always says, "They never did that years ago. I think it's wrong."
He really doesn't want a eulogy and we'll honor that. One sister said maybe we'll say something along the lines of "Thank you for
being here, for your support and for being a part of our father's life." Short and sweet.
Aww, ocnjgirl, I am so sorry to hear that your mom passed. I have followed your story through the Caregiving forum. You were very good to her and looked after her needs well.
Based on my own experience, speaking about someone at their funeral or memorial is very difficult, and having to speak well of someone with whom you had a less than perfect relationship makes it all that much worse. This is not a time to lie and exaggerate, nor to be perfectly honest, especially in front of her friends and relatives. In your case with only close family members present you have no obligation to speak. If you are in fact stuck with being the presenter, you can simply stand up front and say something like:
"I would like to thank you all for being here to honor Mom, and I'd like to invite anyone who would like to speak and share any stories about Mom to come up and do so."
If no one comes up, just say "OK, thanks again for coming." and sit down. If people do speak, wait until all have finished and thank them.
Since 2013 I have lost a mother-in-law, sister, step-father, uncle, and two aunts. At some of them I did in fact speak but was motivated enough to overcome the stage fright in those cases due to a great relationship and respect for them. In the other cases I simply sat and listened to the others.
That's good to know, that I don't have to say anything at all.
I'm sorry for what you're going through ocnjgirl. End of life issues are difficult. I see you mentioned she passed this morning. My condolences to you.
I have a very difficult mother too and have decided she won't be getting a true funeral with visitation. There isn't anyone who wants to visit and pay their respects. She's alienated everyone in her life and my life when I was a child living with her. I don't need to have a funeral for her, it won't bring me any sort of closure and I don't need closure anyway.
She will be cremated and that will be that. Be true to yourself and don't do anything you feel uncomfortable with.
I probably wouldn't have except she paid for it already a long time ago.
You have had a long road with your mother and my condolences upon her passing. You were a constant advocate for her and always kept good track of her health issues.
As others have said, the rabbi can do the eulogy. Other posters have given great ideas on some thoughts to give him/her and you do not need to stress over it. You did your best by her when she was living.
Last edited by shamrock4; 07-23-2021 at 08:23 PM..
Kind regards to you, ocnjgirl, at this time. I will also say that you always did right by your mother and provided exemplary care. Your posts always showed the moral choice and helped me keep perspective and direction, being in a similar situation. Good good good on you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl
I probably wouldn't have except she paid for it already a long time ago.
This may or may not be appropriate, but re: prepaid funeral - the funeral home director I'll be dealing with when the time comes told me that some of the prepaid funeral services can be cancelled and the funds (non-refundable) can then be given to a charity of deceased or deceased's family's choice.
You have had a long road with your mother and my condolences upon her passing. You were a constant advocate for her and always kept good track of her health issues.
As others have said, the rabbi can do the eulogy. Other posters have given great ideas on some thoughts to give him/her and you do not need to stress over it. You did your best by her when she was living.
Kind regards to you, ocnjgirl, at this time. I will also say that you always did right by your mother and provided exemplary care. Your posts always showed the moral choice and helped me keep perspective and direction, being in a similar situation. Good good good on you.
This may or may not be appropriate, but re: prepaid funeral - the funeral home director I'll be dealing with when the time comes told me that some of the prepaid funeral services can be cancelled and the funds (non-refundable) can then be given to a charity of deceased or deceased's family's choice.
I didn't know that. It is silly, because all of the old relatives who would have seen it in the Philly paper she wanted it in, are all long gone themselves. But I am just going to do it.
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