Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It gets better! Stay strong! Such a person will always try to blame you for leaving, but of course that's just them avoiding the real issue.
It was difficult for me to realize that I couldn't be friends any longer, and to realize why people had given up on that person. It's because they saw that it was beyond hope after far too long dealing with that person.
A person has to want to change, to accept help, to do the work, whatever it takes. That person was and is unwilling so there's nothing left to do but walk away whether you're a friend or a family member. Many people like myself have compassion, want to help, but it ends in resignation. There are people who make it out of their own madness but those numbers are low.
I wanted to mention that I would have gone to AlAnon but I was in a small remote town and there wasn't one within feasible distance and at the time there werne't any online groups like Zoom, etc. not to mention where I was it was 3G and that was Verizon! I did seek out therapy (which was really just a sympathetic ear that insurance paid for ) and it did help.
Your whole OP is full of red flags which you would be wise not to ignore. It is much better to be alone than with someone like him. He is dangerous. Leave, and don't look back. Having an abusive, lying, deviant man is not worth it, ever, and you can't change him. But he can turn his rage on you, or your loved ones. Run, and cut off all communication with him.
This is true. It's important to note that the individual I described upthread was sober. A lifelong substance abuser (starting from age 5 with alcohol, with vodka being the drink of choice, along with drugs in the past which was not disclosed to me but rather advised to me by family members). Add to that "alcohol brain" whether drunk or sober and you have a recipe for extreme unhappiness and futility. Not to mention inconvenience, public humiliation and trouble with the law. I had never had one single bit of trouble with the law but boy, were they present in this situation. The local LE knew this individual very well. Of course that was all hidden from me.
Being with an abuser no matter the reason for their abuse, is not acceptable in any way, shape or form. It can and often does seriously hamper and destroy one's life. It's also why I finally signed up for truthfinder because I don't deal with romantic relationships or living situations unless I check the background. It's necessary these days.
Corporate cowboy. Thank you for drilling down to a big issue. Respect. I should not have said pervert. I was mad that he was defensive when I questioned why he went so far. There is a lack of respect on both sides.
Actually, the issue is your own mental health, per the thread, and why you’re with him. It’s normal/healthy not to respect (or trust) a sex offender/abuser. What isn’t normal is starting an emotionally-charged, angry confrontation at 3 am in the middle of a campground (with a drunk, abusive dude), particularly if you’re genuinely suspicious/concerned about what he did (or may do).
Quote:
Originally Posted by taz60
In fact last year he said he could be arrested if someone saw him and complained about peeing in public. During the day he is careful if he goes outside. At night he doesn't think there is a problem, although I do.
Why is this dude discussing ‘peeing in public’ and/or regularly putting himself in such a predicament given the circumstances?
Quote:
Originally Posted by taz60
Currently we are camping in a place with lots of open space. There are other people camping, but not too near by.When SO needs to pee, he usually goes in an area behind our campsite with lots of bushes and privacy. Last night I woke up at 3 am and he wasn't around.
Quote:
Originally Posted by taz60
There are no kids in this area that I know of. Local law enforcement knows of his presence here.
What campground/transient area doesn’t have any kids? That said, you’re referring to this guy as your ‘SO’. What’s significant’ or appealing about him (in any way, shape or form).
Consider your own words/assessment/thread. He is a sex offender who is exhibiting questionable behavior relative to such; he ‘rages’ and abuses alcohol as well. It’s not rocket science to know this is as much about your mental health as it is about his; point being, you can only take steps to improve your own.
Pathrunner
Aw, thank you so much for your post
Also thank you for your earlier post this morning. A background check is a good idea. And you are right about quality of life being destroyed. Two days alone and I feel physically better as well as emotionally better - in large part to all of you who responded.
I’m really glad you are feeling better already. You are a smart woman!!
I am F 63. SO is 69. First relationship for both us in 20 plus years.
I am divorced and had several long term relationships. But for the past 20 years I avoided relationships.
I have trust issues from past relationships and childhood mental and physical abuse.
My SO and I have been together for 1 ½ years with a two month break up and a 3 day break up.
Both break ups were after he was drunk and something I said would trigger him. He would rage and belittle me and call me names like c*** and b***h. Otherwise, we generally get along and are compatible in many ways.
Currently we are camping in a place with lots of open space. There are other people camping, but not too near by.When SO needs to pee, he usually goes in an area behind our campsite with lots of bushes and privacy. Last night I woke up at 3 am and he wasn't around.
I went outside and after a few minutes I saw him walking back from the open area in front of us. He wore a shirt and his jockeys only. As he walked toward our site, his hand was in his underpants, scratching.
I felt horrified. It was dark, people were sleeping and they were not in the immediate area. But there is a much better chance of someone seeing him out there than if he had gone behind our site.
Let me add that he is a felon -a sex offender for molesting a minor. (He said he was framed).
He got very defensive immediately and asked why I had a problem with it. He said he walked out about 40 feet away.
I said out in the open? That is pervert behavior. He started yelling F*** you, b**** and mocking me for being worried. He probably yelled it at least 10 times. I began gathering my things to leave and he kept baiting me. Saying things like 'watch out for perverts.' A few hours later he did text an apology.
Is his anger justified? It was so instant and intense. Alcohol may have helped the anger. My problem is i am suspicious by nature and I know that gets to him. Usually I am not so blunt, but to me the behavior was so weird. What are your thoughts? Thank you.
I don't think the whole relationship is justified. He's a drunk
He's verbally abusive. He's an (alledged) sex offender. I honestly don't see why you're still or again with him.
Never allow someone to call you a c***. That word is filled with misogyny and rage.There should be no name calling on either side, but his calling you that word tells me all I need to know about him. Be good to yourself and get him out of your life.
I feel sad for you that you aren't sure if you've been abused or not. I recognize the confusion, especially if you have trust issues.
Mean, abusive people who swear at you and call you names are not good for your mental health. No matter how lonely you might be, I hope you choose yourself and let this loser go.
He might have been doing more than "scratching" in public. You can't trust him and you shouldn't trust him - especially if he's a registered sex offender!
OP, Medicare will pay for mental health counseling and trauma work. It sounds like your childhood in the family had traumatic aspects. Whether or not you want to call it that, I'd at least say there are wounds there that need to be healed, so you can take better care of yourself (i.e. make healthier choices) in your life now, and keep yourself safe.
You can google trauma therapists in your area, to find any that accept medicare (they tend to practice in public hospitals), and that list among their specialties early childhood/family issues. Many employ a technique called EMDR that's very effective and efficient at treating painful memories. It's never too late to make yourself whole again, and get onto a stronger footing. Insurance usually requires the practitioner be someone with a PhD in psychotherapy or similar. There are good reasons for that, and those people are definitely out there and available.
Hugs, and best wishes!
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 04-29-2024 at 11:09 AM..
I am F 63. SO is 69. First relationship for both us in 20 plus years.
I am divorced and had several long term relationships. But for the past 20 years I avoided relationships.
I have trust issues from past relationships and childhood mental and physical abuse.
My SO and I have been together for 1 ½ years with a two month break up and a 3 day break up.
Both break ups were after he was drunk and something I said would trigger him. He would rage and belittle me and call me names like c*** and b***h. Otherwise
I didn't read any further. There is no "otherwise" as far as I'm concerned. There is only an abusive drunk.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
) and it did help.
) sex offender. I honestly don't see why you're still or again with him.