Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I am F 63. SO is 69. First relationship for both us in 20 plus years.
I am divorced and had several long term relationships. But for the past 20 years I avoided relationships.
I have trust issues from past relationships and childhood mental and physical abuse.
My SO and I have been together for 1 ½ years with a two month break up and a 3 day break up.
Both break ups were after he was drunk and something I said would trigger him. He would rage and belittle me and call me names like c*** and b***h. Otherwise, we generally get along and are compatible in many ways.
Currently we are camping in a place with lots of open space. There are other people camping, but not too near by.When SO needs to pee, he usually goes in an area behind our campsite with lots of bushes and privacy. Last night I woke up at 3 am and he wasn't around.
I went outside and after a few minutes I saw him walking back from the open area in front of us. He wore a shirt and his jockeys only. As he walked toward our site, his hand was in his underpants, scratching.
I felt horrified. It was dark, people were sleeping and they were not in the immediate area. But there is a much better chance of someone seeing him out there than if he had gone behind our site.
Let me add that he is a felon -a sex offender for molesting a minor. (He said he was framed).
He got very defensive immediately and asked why I had a problem with it. He said he walked out about 40 feet away.
I said out in the open? That is pervert behavior. He started yelling F*** you, b**** and mocking me for being worried. He probably yelled it at least 10 times. I began gathering my things to leave and he kept baiting me. Saying things like 'watch out for perverts.' A few hours later he did text an apology.
Is his anger justified? It was so instant and intense. Alcohol may have helped the anger. My problem is i am suspicious by nature and I know that gets to him. Usually I am not so blunt, but to me the behavior was so weird. What are your thoughts? Thank you.
As a former social worker I can say that this is not normal. He should be worried about getting arrested and using the campground bathrooms. Plus he sounds like an abusive alcoholic. At your age you deserve peace. As a single senior myself I understand that you probably get lonely but this is an unhealthy relationship and you deserve better.
First off, I think it's important for you to separate your reaction to his public peeing activity from your reaction to HIS reaction. They're created by two different things. One has to do with personal sense of propriety, prudery, shame. The other has to do with personal experience and trauma. Who says you must put up with verbal abuse? No one! Being excessively modest, easily mortified by someone else's action is one thing. Wanting nothing to do with an out of control raging person is another.
Guess I'm in the minority here but IMHO some guy opting to pee out in the open at 3 am when (as you yourself wrote) literally no one might spot him is NOT pervert behavior, it might be less than classy behavior. He wasn't parading around buck naked, he was clothed albeit somewhat sketchily. If he'd deliberately walked up to another campsite hoping someone would see what he was doing, that's another story. I'd sure question that. He didn't. I agree that the more genteel, discrete choice would be to go back in the bushes as he'd done other times when others were nearby, but at zero dark thirty with no one around? Bushes in the dark can be a little problematic.
Haven't you ever seen men at an outdoor party, some outdoor recreational event, while camping, at a rural jobsite, walk a short distance away, turn their backs to others and pee before? It's pretty common. OK, I've lived, worked, and recreated in pretty rural areas most of my adult life so something like this just wouldn't shock me. Usually, others just ignore it and move on. Guess your experience is different than mine.
IMHO, your reaction to the pee walk was unnecessarily over the top. The extent of his rage over this might have been over the top too, but based on the mention of alcohol maybe that explains it. People's inhibitions loosen and they tend to be thoughtless while drunk. People who try to have a rational discussion with a drunk person mystify me.
Both break ups were after he was drunk and something I said would trigger him. He would rage and belittle me and call me names like c*** and b***h.
...
Let me add that he is a felon -a sex offender for molesting a minor.
...
He started yelling F*** you, b****
I should ask if your behavior is normal. Because most anyone would know not to date someone who is a molester (framed - yeah right), not to mention go back to them after they've proven they were abusive.
"after a few minutes I saw him walking back from the open area in front of us. He wore a shirt and his jockeys only. As he walked toward our site, his hand was in his underpants, scratching."
So he was in public, not behind your campsite and his hand was in his underpants. And he is a registered sex offender.
You should not be around this person at all, you are putting yourself in danger because of his past conviction and probable future conviction. How do you know what he was actually doing? He was likely looking for the thing he's interested in, trouble.
I'm not so much concerned with the peeing and scratching, that could be normal guy stuff. But the verbal abuse and short fuse are very concerning. If you were my BFF, I'd tell you to GOSO - get out and stay out. Life is too short to be walking on eggshells.
Drunk break ups?
Having to pee in the middle of the night and use a bush when you are not on top of each other in a camp ground - ok. He drank. You drank.
You triggered with the word pervert. Screaming and making up by text later? No.
It looks lie it is time to go separate ways as painful as it may be. It is not the peeing, the past but the future. You cannot rely on him being there. Do you depend on him financially?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
