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Of course most parents will say the joy stops when they are teenagers. But really, like the legend of bears hibernating all winter, the joy they used to bring just takes a series of short breaks.
By the time your kids are in their 20's you can hold real conversations with them about real topics and the joy is back 100% of the time.
What's funny is I absolutely love having teenagers. Maybe its my personality, but I found ages 9-13 to be such a drag; all of those preteen hormones knocked them off their rockers; I think it was the emotional neediness that wore me out most. But my kids all mellowed out after that point.
Of course most parents will say the joy stops when they are teenagers. But really, like the legend of bears hibernating all winter, the joy they used to bring just takes a series of short breaks.
By the time your kids are in their 20's you can hold real conversations with them about real topics and the joy is back 100% of the time.
I agree. My kids are now in their mid 30s and are a delight.
Of course most parents will say the joy stops when they are teenagers. But really, like the legend of bears hibernating all winter, the joy they used to bring just takes a series of short breaks.
By the time your kids are in their 20's you can hold real conversations with them about real topics and the joy is back 100% of the time.
My "kids" are in their thirties and forties now. I'll echo that and what some others have said.
As children, they were nearly complete delights up until middle school. Actually, the "decline" did begin when they started school, but became acute in middle school. And as others have said, its the pressures of joining society that makes it hard.
Worse, the modern middle and high school environment is an artificial social environment that stimulates the worst of human behavior. It's very close to the same social environment of a modern prison and creates the same behaviors for the same reasons.
But when they become adults and fully back in the "real world," they usually do become quite good friends again.
kind of a joke but kind of serious. It was a rough year. He's 16 and a half now, and things got much better once he turned 15. Even stuck at home together for 10 months due to the pandemic (I'm working from home and he's doing remote school) we are doing fine.
I have young ones, baby + toddler. If I'm having a bad day, just spending some time with them really helps. They are so happy, so carefree, so stress less. They just enjoy life and just want to be with you. Play play play
Does this feeling ever stop? I would guess by the time kids are teenagers this immediate uplift of joy they provide is gone? lol...
I know what you're talking about. My husband and I had a tremendous outpouring of joy with the first one - constant singing of songs we made up out of joy over the kid. That level recedes, but the fact is, we're still very joyous over the accomplishments of all of them, and the youngest's milestones bring us as much joy as the first's did.
I do have to say that with teenagers, there was some very strong agony, too. I remember standing in the kitchen, alone, sobbing with sorrow over the worst wrongdoing - and I'm not talking about cheating on a test, or taking the car without permission!
My son is 27. There is still no state of happiness/peace/calm that exceeds the state that I achieve, when I see him.
It’s the same for me Chessie, lockdown and stay at home advisories mean that I haven’t seen my younger boy, who lives about a 35 minute two train ride from me in London, since just before Christmas, Christ I love that kid.
My eldest lives in Nord-Rhein-Westfalen, Germany, and I haven’t seen him for at least a year.
He’s probably secretly quietly pleased that the U.K. government has put the kibosh on us travelling anywhere, as when I see him, I have to hug him tight, and kiss him on both cheeks.
He says, “Okay dad, I know that we have French blood, but it didn’t trickle down to me, I love you, but I’m a German citizen now, will you stop with the kissing!â€
He might as well try to stop the tide coming in, I get misty eyed just thinking about seeing him when I’m driving down the autobahn from Dortmund or Hannover airports to his home in Bielefeld.
I enjoyed every age of my kids. And every age had its challenges.
I was so proud of my firstborn on the first day of kindergarten, but almost lost it when my third started school. On a good day, at any time with my kids, they made me laugh. Many times they made me mad, too!
If you make sure to form close bonds with your kids, and are mindful, you will have those joyful experiences continually. It is true that the teen years are a challenge. But the close bonds you have formed will see you through.
All too soon you are dropping them off for their freshman year of college, and asking yourself where has the time gone?
I have young ones, baby + toddler. If I'm having a bad day, just spending some time with them really helps. They are so happy, so carefree, so stress less. They just enjoy life and just want to be with you. Play play play
Does this feeling ever stop? I would guess by the time kids are teenagers this immediate uplift of joy they provide is gone? lol...
Up to about the age of 4 they are completely dependent on you. You are their hero. You can pick them up, carry them on your back, astound them with made up bedtime stories, they still believe everything you tell them. It's their puppy stage. Once they go to school and socialize with friends, you start to fade into the background. By the time they are grown you are just extras in the movies of their lives.
My nine year old's energy/attitude lights up a room. At age 13 school social pressures negatively affected by daughter's self esteem/mood. She lost her child like joy/happiness. It was replaced with middle school social, appearance, and competitive sport concerns/worries.
Their stressful school social lives will at times be heartbreaking for both of you to experience. It may bring you sadness watching them struggle with pressures.
This is the reason I chose to homeschool my youngest. So far his self esteem is intact. He's a happy child compared to his sister who at his age attended school.
School social pressures, this "pecking order", " Lord Of The Flies" experience forever changed my daughter. Stold her joy and broke my heart to watch. As a tall, thin, pretty, intelligent 13 year old, she lost all self confidence and became shy. As a result was often excluded, it was a vicious cycle. Her self worth became dependent on acceptance into school cliques.
Until middle school you'll see and feel their pure, child like joy. After that it's a roller coaster, esp through hormonal changes.
Baby and toddler hood are the sweetest, most innocent and carefree (for both of you) times. Prepare to assist your children through the bumps of school and all that come with it.
If you want to preserve their self esteem, I recommend homeschooling. You can still immerse them in the world many other ways. It just removes the horrible pecking order that exists in classrooms of same age peers. People also like Montessori type schools, kids socialize with all age groups. It's less competitive, easier on their self esteem, less comparison within a mixed age peer group.
If you want to preserve their child like joy carefully choose preschool, day care, and school. Poor choices can affect their self esteem. Unfortunately kids place more value on and are influenced by their peer group more than their parents.
As a small child you can help give them the best self-esteem. But once they start school acceptance/non acceptance with peers becomes the most important thing in their lives.
Google the benefits of homeschooling. It takes the unnecessary pressure of needing to be accepted within a large group of same age peers off the table from age 5 to 18. Homeschooled kids are better adjusted, have higher self esteems, better communication skills among all age groups, better adjusted entering college. Less apt to cave in to peer pressure etc.
It's ironic I found your post. Yesterday I looked through my kid's pictures spanning their lives. I saw my daughter's loss of childhood joy and eventual sadness. Made me regret not homeschooling her when she begged us to do so at age 13. We kept her in school thinking things would improve and she needed to be with peers.
She's now a sometimes depressed, withdrawn adult who never overcame this loss of self esteem as a child combined with military moves that made it difficult to make new friends and fit in. We discussed her loss of childhood joy at length after looking at those pics and agreed homeschooling would have helped retain it.
How is he going to handle disappointments and pressure in later life after having been in a protective bubble?
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