At what age does the immediate uplift of joy kids provide stop? (childcare, teens)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I read the article. Boy does she ramble around. Here's the part where I think she completely misses the ball:
It didn't have any noticeable effect. What struck me at the time was that she was surprised. You mean she doesn't know the kind of things they say to one another? You mean this isn't normal?
It's important to realize that, no, the adults don't know what the kids are doing to one another. They know, in the abstract, that kids are monstrously cruel to one another, just as we know in the abstract that people get tortured in poorer countries. But, like us, they don't like to dwell on this depressing fact, and they don't see evidence of specific abuses unless they go looking for it.
I disagree with that. My experience and that of my kids is the teachers and administration DO know. They know the popular kids. They know the nerds. And the jocks. And the cheerleaders. And they know which cliques are in and out and who is being bullied or pushed aside. They know. And what's worse, they tacitly support it. Most teachers come from the middle of that pear she talked about. Because they've spent their entire lives in that school environment, they don't have a "real world" experience to break the chain. My observation is the best teachers, the ones who don't still play the popularity game she describes are the ones who come from outside -- prior military, former scientists, engineers, business people.
Oh my yes, so much truth here. Not in every school, but it's definitely out there.
I worked in schools for 20 years, as support staff. More than once I stuck my nose into situations where teachers were blatantly ignoring bullying going on sometimes literally right in front of them. (I wouldn't rush in, but talk to the teacher afterwards. And in high school, sometimes the victim by letting them know I saw that and that it wasn't right).
Some adults in schools are the worst. They never left their own high school crap behind and either ignore bullying right in front of them, or even encourage it. My daughter had one teacher in high school that the kids who were smart and going places avoided like the plague, because she tried to be a "cool kid" with the bullies. In her 30s! For the record - the popular kids laughed at her behind her back.
I feel for the adults who do try. During one horrible situation I knew of, I had a respected teacher come to me, telling me she knew exactly what was going on, but was powerless to do anything because the administration wouldn't allow her to do anything. She left the school the next semester, and when I talked to her a year later she was much happier at a much happier school.
I read the article. Boy does she ramble around. Here's the part where I think she completely misses the ball:
It didn't have any noticeable effect. What struck me at the time was that she was surprised. You mean she doesn't know the kind of things they say to one another? You mean this isn't normal?
It's important to realize that, no, the adults don't know what the kids are doing to one another. They know, in the abstract, that kids are monstrously cruel to one another, just as we know in the abstract that people get tortured in poorer countries. But, like us, they don't like to dwell on this depressing fact, and they don't see evidence of specific abuses unless they go looking for it.
I disagree with that. My experience and that of my kids is the teachers and administration DO know. They know the popular kids. They know the nerds. And the jocks. And the cheerleaders. And they know which cliques are in and out and who is being bullied or pushed aside. They know. And what's worse, they tacitly support it. Most teachers come from the middle of that pear she talked about. Because they've spent their entire lives in that school environment, they don't have a "real world" experience to break the chain. My observation is the best teachers, the ones who don't still play the popularity game she describes are the ones who come from outside -- prior military, former scientists, engineers, business people.
I would agree with you. I think they do know. There has been a sea change in that respect between the 60s when I was in high school, the 90s when my daughter was in high school, and now as my grandchildren are in high school.
For sure, even back in the 60s we had our nerds (bookworms), cheerleaders, jocks, popular kids. But the extremes of abusive behavior were not there. I was a nerd, but nerds were given their space and their own level of respect. Not popularity, but acknowledgement of a valid space in the system.
My daughter commonly saw jocks performing mock gang rapes in the halls of weaker boys...and teachers merely turned away. She (also a nerd) was subject to a level of sexual harassment that wouldn't have been acceptable even in the military...and school officials merely spread their hands and claimed there was nothing they could do.
I have young ones, baby + toddler. If I'm having a bad day, just spending some time with them really helps. They are so happy, so carefree, so stress less. They just enjoy life and just want to be with you. Play play play
Does this feeling ever stop? I would guess by the time kids are teenagers this immediate uplift of joy they provide is gone? lol...
Kids learn what they see. If you treat them well, they'll treat you well too. They'll also pick up on how you treat people like your parents. If you're respectful to your parents, they'll see that. Another thing is cursing. Lots of young parents these days curse around their kids. They'll pick it up too, not saying the actual word but eff word you or something similar. It could turn into them spelling the curse word or them giving the finger but they'll use a different finger, of course it's to see what they can get away with. At some point punishment won't matter to them; so raise them right, no cursing and don't let them see you argue with anyone.
Unfortunately I have experience with this. I won't go into detail.
At first, I thought this message read “At what age does the immediate uplift of joy kids provide START?” Because, I’ve got to say, I’m still waiting for it. I hear other parents talk about the funny things their kids say, going on trips, going to museums. But with 2 under 2, our life is just diapers, mess, screaming, and the joys seem to be few and far between, or at least hard to find through the sheer physical exhaustion.
I think this question depends on the person and what stages of childhood you enjoy. I have had people tell me, these are the best years of your life. I'm 43 with a 6 and 8 year old. Part of me is like, who are you to tell me these are the best years of my life? My kids bring me joy but they also probably make life a little bit harder in terms of finances and free time. There are certainly fun times and i look at how sweet and cute they are...but if they go on to be assh*le teenagers (which hopefully they won't) then I'm not sure how enjoyable that will be.
Sometimes it seems sad that older people think the best years of someone's life are when they're in their 30's/40's with young kids. I guess it's because it goes by fast and as the parent you are more in control of what they are doing. Once they get into their teens i suppose it's harder trying to get them to do what you want. I guess I felt irritated by the person who told me, these are the best years of your life because it makes me feel like, oh ok, so the rest of my life after this will just get worse?
At first, I thought this message read “At what age does the immediate uplift of joy kids provide START?” Because, I’ve got to say, I’m still waiting for it. I hear other parents talk about the funny things their kids say, going on trips, going to museums. But with 2 under 2, our life is just diapers, mess, screaming, and the joys seem to be few and far between, or at least hard to find through the sheer physical exhaustion.
My kids were a hoot when they were between six and 18 months. It began when I realized that from birth, human beings are actually intellectual beings. If you watch a six-month-old carefully, you can actually see them work out physics out intellectually.
If you watch them, you'll see them building on one physical principle to another. One move might be by accident, but if it led to a favorable outcome, you'll see them then test the physics for reliable repeatability, and then they'll build from that principle to the next. It's fascinating.
By the time they're into those "terrible twos," they are really just applying the same exploration methods to people the way they did basic physics. They evoke a reaction and determine whether it's a reaction that feels good. Then they'll change to a different action to evoke a more favorable reaction...or repeat the action to test the repeatability of the favorable reaction.
You have to be like gravity...always consistent: Make the right move, and you get ahead. Make the wrong move, kiddo, and you fall down...every time.
My kids were lots of fun up until 12 or so. Middle school and puberty is tough on kids and tough on parents. It seems like they get dumber and dumber (and that includes even the great ones...they still go down a notch from their earlier peak).
But then, they get out of school, experience a little life, and become good friends.
Last edited by Ralph_Kirk; 06-01-2022 at 09:39 AM..
Ugh, are the teenage years really that bad? it seems like no one really talks about this. Everyone on social media just makes families/kids all look perfect like everyone is living their best life.
Ugh, are the teenage years really that bad? it seems like no one really talks about this. Everyone on social media just makes families/kids all look perfect like everyone is living their best life.
Watch the Pixar movie "Turning Red" on Disney+.
It's real as hell, which is why it's controversial.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
