At what age does the immediate uplift of joy kids provide stop? (teenage, average)

[msRB311]

Originally Posted by Ralph_Kirk

Watch the Pixar movie "Turning Red" on Disney+.

It's real as hell, which is why it's controversial.

I've seen it. I guess i didn't relate it to my own life...I thought it was something geared towards Asian moms/kids. I think all parents have certain expectations of their kids...but from what i've heard it can be worse in Asian families.

[Ralph_Kirk]

Originally Posted by msRB311

I've seen it. I guess i didn't relate it to my own life...I thought it was something geared towards Asian moms/kids. I think all parents have certain expectations of their kids...but from what i've heard it can be worse in Asian families.

I'm a 68 year old black man living in Texas, so I could conceivably say the same thing: Nothing in my life is like a 13-year-old Chinese-Canadian girl living in Toronto.

My daughter, though, was a young teen in the early 2000s, so I remember many of the pop references.

And I was a young teen myself once, so I recall the tumult of middle school years...doubts, anxieties, strange new desires and feelings...just like Mei.

I remember having a social school life that I did not fully confide to my parents, just as Mei did not.

I had friends I knew my mother would not approve of. There were things I liked to do and places I liked to go that I knew my mother would not approve of...just as Mei had.

My mother had greater standards and expectations for me than I cared to meet, just like Mei.

My mother did embarrass me in front of my friends a time or two, like Mei's mother did.

And I did have a big blow-up with my mother at one point, rather like Mei did.

Well, heck, maybe there was quite a bit in the movie that I could relate to my own life.

[JR1226]

Admittedly I’m not there yet, but I really can’t understand when people say it just gets harder or just wait until they’re older. What were the parents of the 10 year old doing at 1am, 3am, 4am? Were they up with a screaming infant all night who then woke up the toddler and feeling like a crappy parent because one of the babies is in their crib crying alone while you tend to the other? And in the morning, while their 10 year old goes off to school for the next 6-7 hours, I’ll be dragging around an infant with my aching back and dealing with a toddler meltdown on my 3-4 hours of sleep. A real meal? Nope. Shower? Nope. One minute to myself? Nope.

I get that the parenting itself may get harder and more complicated, but surely your life overall gets easier. I deal with one baby or another for at least 16 hours a day nonstop. Most people I know only see their teens maybe 3-4 hours a day between school, activities and bedtime. I’d probably take a teenager yelling at me for 3 hours a day if I got the other 21 hours to myself and slept through the night.

[Ralph_Kirk]

Originally Posted by JR1226

Admittedly I’m not there yet, but I really can’t understand when people say it just gets harder or just wait until they’re older. What were the parents of the 10 year old doing at 1am, 3am, 4am? Were they up with a screaming infant all night who then woke up the toddler and feeling like a crappy parent because one of the babies is in their crib crying alone while you tend to the other? And in the morning, while their 10 year old goes off to school for the next 6-7 hours, I’ll be dragging around an infant with my aching back and dealing with a toddler meltdown on my 3-4 hours of sleep. A real meal? Nope. Shower? Nope. One minute to myself? Nope.

The pre-teens are easy years.

You do realize, don't you, that the parents of the teenager did go through those very early years...so when we say that the teen years are harder than that, we do have that perspective.

I get that the parenting itself may get harder and more complicated, but surely your life overall gets easier. I deal with one baby or another for at least 16 hours a day nonstop. Most people I know only see their teens maybe 3-4 hours a day between school, activities and bedtime. I’d probably take a teenager yelling at me for 3 hours a day if I got the other 21 hours to myself and slept through the night.

You must know that physical hardship is less stressful than mental and psychological hardship, don't you?

[JR1226]

Originally Posted by Ralph_Kirk

The pre-teens are easy years.

You do realize, don't you, that the parents of the teenager did go through those very early years...so when we say that the teen years are harder than that, we do have that perspective.



You must know that physical hardship is less stressful than mental and psychological hardship, don't you?

I’d say having 2 babies close together born during the pandemic qualifies as mental and psychological hardship as well. Quarantine for pregnant people or those with newborns was a special kind of challenge. Think no family support, no social support and no reliable childcare.

[Ralph_Kirk]

Originally Posted by JR1226

I’d say having 2 babies close together born during the pandemic qualifies as mental and psychological hardship as well. Quarantine for pregnant people or those with newborns was a special kind of challenge. Think no family support, no social support and no reliable childcare.

Well, I was a single parent in a strange city during those years, so....

[Frostnip]

I'm going to buck the trend and say that the middle school years and beyond are great. I mean, is it fun times when the kid is having a sobbing meltdown about being unfollowed by their crush on Insta, or is calling you a fascist for not letting them put gauges in their ears? Not high points, no. But kids that age can be hilarious, and it's great to start seeing the glimpses of who they'll be as adults as they grow into their more independent selves. Turning Red really did nail what's both charming and exasperating about that age. Everything is really intense, both the highs and the lows.

I think a lot of parents really struggle with preteen/teen years because gradual release is HARD. When they're little it's usually pretty clear what the should or should not be allowed to do. But they get older you have to gradually start letting them make their own decisions and manage their own lives, and it's all too easy to overestimate or underestimate where they're at in that journey, making them feel either lost, confused and unsupported, or oppressed, belittled and infantilized, respectively. Sometimes you get it right, other times you don't, and you can only hope the errors don't have serious consequences.

One of the best parts about kids hitting pre-adolescence is when they start to make that jump from childlike thinking to being able to entertain and communicate about more abstract and complex concepts. Granted, it results in some truly terrible poetry/song lyrics, and they all think they're the first person on earth to have deep thoughts and that no one could possibly understand their genius, but they get a lot more interesting as PEOPLE at this point, IMO.

[Jdawg8181]

Originally Posted by unknown00

I have young ones, baby + toddler. If I'm having a bad day, just spending some time with them really helps. They are so happy, so carefree, so stress less. They just enjoy life and just want to be with you. Play play play

Does this feeling ever stop? I would guess by the time kids are teenagers this immediate uplift of joy they provide is gone? lol...

Yeah i only find joy in a baby if the baby isn;t mine ...

[Sage 80]

14

Suddenly they become disagreeable and their family embarrasses them.

[DubbleT]

At what age does the immediate uplift of joy kids provide stop?
I'm 60. I'll let you know when I find out.