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Yeah, that was a bit much. If they had brought home fresh bagels, would you still have called them laze, obnoxious, and selfish and yelled at them for taking a bath? Seems like you got your feelings hurt and then railed on about how generous and thoughtful you are and how you raised them right but they turned out awful for not taking you out for ice cream.
If you have expectations, share them. Every family is different, every year is different, etc. What a shame... when they buy you a nice dinner next year, will it be because you're a great dad or because they're scared of your response if they don't?
Well, my adult daughter is great about remembering birthdays and holidays. My adult son is awful. I called him on the Friday before Father’s Day and asked if he remembered what day was Sunday. He replied “yes, Mom I didn’t forget your birthday!” LOL! I laughed and he was embarrassed.
My question is why don’t you and your wife take turns on reminding your kids when important holidays are celebrated? Most boys (Eve as adults) are clueless.
I am livid and pretty hurt. Yesterday was Father’s Day and my kids did NOTHING for me. They did say “Happy Father’s Day” but that’s it. No card, no special treat, no small gift, nothing. I even made everyone dinner but there wasn’t even a thank you. And they are adults (26, 27). The young child lives with us for free (I never believed that you charge rent to close family unless you have to). The older child is engaged (we are generously to a portion of the wedding later this year) and lives nearby in a house we just helped them buy (in the crazy market last year we gave them the cash to buy so their offers were more attractive).
I was so hurt and mad I wrote them the following text:
Good morning. I have to tell you both how hurt, disappointed and angry I am about yesterday. You both did the absolute minimum you could for Fathers Day. I thought that we taught you better than that but apparently not since all I got was a “Happy Fathers Day” from both of you. I would say that to just anybody, not my own father.
Now I wasn’t expecting a big gift but a simple card would have been nice. And maybe something you know I like, like ice cream from XXX or breakfast or lunch from somewhere I like.
If you both remember we NEVER missed Father’s Day with your grandfather. We always went down there with a card and a small gift and got him dinner he liked. I also always made sure he knew what we were doing for special occasions so he didn’t have to ask repeatedly what the plans were like I did this weekend and didn’t get a response to. You both should be the ones making the plans and telling me what you are going to do.
And Bxxx do you know calling me from your bathtub was obnoxious. It says “look at me, lounging in my tub which is more important to me than you on Fathers Day”.
Rxxx - it would have been nice if you got your lazy ass out of bed this morning and went and got me breakfast or lunch or something. Or even dessert after dinner.
I also was disappointed that you both took off right after the play Saturday night. It was like saying “I spent enough time with you, now it’s my time to do what I want”. That’s just being selfish. We used to point out the selfish things Mxxx and Dxxx did so you wouldn’t repeat them. I guess neither of you learned that lesson.
You are both adults now. Start acting like it. I shouldn’t have to tell you both how to act. I shouldn’t have to blow up and tell you I’m angry or disappointed by your actions or lack of them. It’s time you both grow up.
And while we are at it, you both need to start saying the words “I’m sorry” when you do something wrong. There is nothing wrong with admitting you made a mistake. For some reason neither of you do that, at least to me or mom. That just shows arrogance and a lack of humility. That’s not a good trait so cut it out and say you’re sorry when you do something wrong. Like now!
Needless to say I have received no response.
Let me say that my wife and I did not raise our kids this way. We raised them to be respectful and thoughtful.We may have spoiled them but we always reminded them of all that they have to be grateful for.We taught them to thank people for things they get and that family is very important. Im not sure how they got so inconsiderate.
Is it that they are of a generation of entitled kids who think they are owed everything? A friend says it is.
They both got jobs at 16 and worked for their pocket money. We paid for their college and grad school because we could and we felt it was important they not be burdened with student debt. We both also weren’t absentee parents who put their careers before them. In fact I gave up a couple of very lucrative opportunities to be home with them and to not move them far from family. We both attended virtually every school and sports event they had. We read to them every night and spent as much time together as a family as we could. That was certainly more than any other kid had. Overall we did all we could but it appears it was for naught.
Whoops, looks like you spoiled them rotten. Nobody learns how to be grateful by being told to do so.
Did they acknowledge Father's Day better last year? And the years before that?
(Just curious.)
This was the question that immediately popped into my mind, too. Have they been consistent in the past with gestures on Mother's Day and Father's Day? If not, why choose this particular instance?
Our oldest daughter is good about paying attention to these kinds of holidays but our youngest is not. She does make the effort to call, and put the kids on the phone. But she also has 4 kids and is pregnant with another, and a husband who is very close to his parents and sister and her 5 kids.
Is it frustrating sometimes when I take the oldest kids to school everyday and tote them around after school, while my husband keeps them everyday during the summer and on school holidays? You betcha. But we are making memories with our grandkids and that's more important than being angry about not getting a cheap card.
I get it, your kids aren't encumbered in that way and in my younger days I can definitely see me contemplating cussing them out, however, you raised them to be this way by giving them everything they ever wanted or needed. Our kids had to work for their college degrees. We refused to sign over any income tax records to prove how much money we had, and instead we let them use our two-bedroom rental property to live in, so that they could get grants and scholarships for being single adults and not our dependents, and also learn how to pay their own bills. They both held down full-time jobs while attending school full-time. They were both in their early twenties when they moved out, and they are Millenials.
I'll echo what someone else here has already said: close your checkbook. It's time for them to grow up and pay their own way.
I think they should have acknowledged father's day of course. Sounds like they did nothing. I will say that I do think father's day (and mother's day) have gone over the top the past few years and I don't know if social media is to blame for that? I can remember always recognizing mothers day when i was growing up, making my mom a card, getting her some flowers, or my dad a tie or breakfast in bed or something along those lines. I guess i feel more pressure now that I have a father of my children and my own father. I have way more to buy/do and I sometimes wonder why this holiday has become so much about making sure you get a gift and take everyone out to dinner/brunch. It's gone from a tie/flowers to a pricey shirt. Not to mention mother's day was about a month ago so it was the same story a few weeks ago. I love and appreciate my parents, my husband, but these holidays along with birthdays, Christmas, Easter, and being invited to other bdays etc are putting a big damper on my paycheck, lol. It's like everything has to be a big production and then it never happened if you don't put up an instagram story about what you did. And if you didn't buy a gift or take someone out to eat then you are an a-hole.
However, it pays to tell people what you need from them....next time remind them a few days before that you'd like to go out for brunch (Or whatever you want to do).
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with letting them know how you feel.
But in general, I think Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are stupid holidays, along with Valentine’s Day and a few others. I always try to treat my parents well regardless of whether or not it’s a holiday. I have a good relationship with them. And I do send cards and/or small gifts and call them on Mother’s/Father’s Day (I live about 2,000 miles away from them) but honestly, when I do it, I feel like I’m just checking a box so that they don’t feel bad. Some of the things I read or see on social media are over the top.
To me, it doesn't matter if YOU (whoever YOU might be) think these holidays are stupid. Father's Day wasn't stupid to OP. Mother's Day is not stupid to ME. Valentine's Day is not stupid to me OR my husband.
So...if you have a loved one, it behooves you to find out if those days are important to THEM, and act accordingly.
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