Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I am livid and pretty hurt. Yesterday was Father’s Day and my kids did NOTHING for me. They did say “Happy Father’s Day” but that’s it. No card, no special treat, no small gift, nothing. I even made everyone dinner but there wasn’t even a thank you. And they are adults (26, 27). The young child lives with us for free (I never believed that you charge rent to close family unless you have to). The older child is engaged (we are generously to a portion of the wedding later this year) and lives nearby in a house we just helped them buy (in the crazy market last year we gave them the cash to buy so their offers were more attractive).
I was so hurt and mad I wrote them the following text:
Good morning. I have to tell you both how hurt, disappointed and angry I am about yesterday. You both did the absolute minimum you could for Fathers Day. I thought that we taught you better than that but apparently not since all I got was a “Happy Fathers Day” from both of you. I would say that to just anybody, not my own father.
Now I wasn’t expecting a big gift but a simple card would have been nice. And maybe something you know I like, like ice cream from XXX or breakfast or lunch from somewhere I like.
If you both remember we NEVER missed Father’s Day with your grandfather. We always went down there with a card and a small gift and got him dinner he liked. I also always made sure he knew what we were doing for special occasions so he didn’t have to ask repeatedly what the plans were like I did this weekend and didn’t get a response to. You both should be the ones making the plans and telling me what you are going to do.
And Bxxx do you know calling me from your bathtub was obnoxious. It says “look at me, lounging in my tub which is more important to me than you on Fathers Day”.
Rxxx - it would have been nice if you got your lazy ass out of bed this morning and went and got me breakfast or lunch or something. Or even dessert after dinner.
I also was disappointed that you both took off right after the play Saturday night. It was like saying “I spent enough time with you, now it’s my time to do what I want”. That’s just being selfish. We used to point out the selfish things Mxxx and Dxxx did so you wouldn’t repeat them. I guess neither of you learned that lesson.
You are both adults now. Start acting like it. I shouldn’t have to tell you both how to act. I shouldn’t have to blow up and tell you I’m angry or disappointed by your actions or lack of them. It’s time you both grow up.
And while we are at it, you both need to start saying the words “I’m sorry” when you do something wrong. There is nothing wrong with admitting you made a mistake. For some reason neither of you do that, at least to me or mom. That just shows arrogance and a lack of humility. That’s not a good trait so cut it out and say you’re sorry when you do something wrong. Like now!
Needless to say I have received no response.
Let me say that my wife and I did not raise our kids this way. We raised them to be respectful and thoughtful. We may have spoiled them but we always reminded them of all that they have to be grateful for. We taught them to thank people for things they get and that family is very important. Im not sure how they got so inconsiderate.
Is it that they are of a generation of entitled kids who think they are owed everything? A friend says it is.
They both got jobs at 16 and worked for their pocket money. We paid for their college and grad school because we could and we felt it was important they not be burdened with student debt. We both also weren’t absentee parents who put their careers before them. In fact I gave up a couple of very lucrative opportunities to be home with them and to not move them far from family. We both attended virtually every school and sports event they had. We read to them every night and spent as much time together as a family as we could. That was certainly more than any other kid had. Overall we did all we could but it appears it was for naught.
Maybe you should skip their birthdays or Xmas. It might have been better if your wife had said something to them rather than you. What foes she think about what you said? Now that you have expressed yourself do you feel better?
Have they on past father's days done something to let you know they care?
The wonderful part about putting it in writing is that you have time to consider what you say and they have the opportunity to re-read. But one of the disadvantages is that they can ignore it more easily than if you're speaking. (I happen to believe that texting is not a good avenue for long communication; paper is better.)
However, there's nothing wrong with your bringing it up with, "Well, have you anything to say?"
While you speak of your good parenting, you've had a long time to teach them to apologize. So, why now? And I would have loved if you'd mentioned if they do better on your birthday. And are they properly thanking you for the money you're lavishing on them as adults? Maybe it's time to re-think this.
I get the anger, I really do, but to be honest I think your message would have made more of an impact on your kids by leaving out the anger and focusing on the hurt and disappointment. Backing people into a corner by attacking them with harsh words and accusations doesn't leave a lot of room for open communication. Could you approach them later and ask to have a conversation about how you felt hurt by their actions?
Wow. I understand the hurt you feel, after all you've done for them. Obnoxious and lazy behaviors, however, weren't learned overnight; I suspect, as you say, your kids were overindulged and the focus was all about them.
Moving forward, I definitely would have a face to face on this matter, and include your wife in the mix. You are both responsible for having raised them, and their behaviors and attitudes mirror this. I would own up to that in the discussion. I also would yank the checkbook away and stop financially subsidizing their lives. They are well educated, and it's high time they "adult".
I can’t see that letter as inspiring anyone to do anything nice for you in the future. Would it have been nice to recognize you on Father’s Day by doing something special? Yes, but it’s not an invitation to lay out everything wrong you think they are doing.
I think it’s fine to say you’re disappointed, but not DEMAND that someone do something specific like make them breakfast, spend extra time with you on a day adjacent to Father’s Day, etc. If there are things you’d like them to do, perhaps you could suggest it. Not everyone is a mind reader knowing exactly what you want. I would ask why I needed to apologize. I agree with Frostnip that you’ve acted like they’ve done something major like kill your cat, crash your vehicle, or trash your home while you were away on vacation. This is nothing quite that major.
One thing to consider is the current generation doesn't think of paper and snail mail cards; they think in terms of text, email, and phone call. They simply don't recognize paper and handwritten notes as a medium of communication. Depending on the age they may not even have been taught to write in cursive. So in that respect a verbal "Happy Father's Day" (or Christmas or a thank you) are the proper way to say it.
Oldest and her husband came cooked dinner for both sets of parents. Youngest is in the Army and we haven't seen him since Christmas. So just to hear his voice was the best Father's Day he could give me.
I am livid and pretty hurt. Yesterday was Father’s Day and my kids did NOTHING for me. They did say “Happy Father’s Day” but that’s it. No card, no special treat, no small gift, nothing. I even made everyone dinner but there wasn’t even a thank you. And they are adults (26, 27). The young child lives with us for free (I never believed that you charge rent to close family unless you have to). The older child is engaged (we are generously to a portion of the wedding later this year) and lives nearby in a house we just helped them buy (in the crazy market last year we gave them the cash to buy so their offers were more attractive).
I was so hurt and mad I wrote them the following text:
Good morning. I have to tell you both how hurt, disappointed and angry I am about yesterday. You both did the absolute minimum you could for Fathers Day. I thought that we taught you better than that but apparently not since all I got was a “Happy Fathers Day” from both of you. I would say that to just anybody, not my own father.
Now I wasn’t expecting a big gift but a simple card would have been nice. And maybe something you know I like, like ice cream from XXX or breakfast or lunch from somewhere I like.
If you both remember we NEVER missed Father’s Day with your grandfather. We always went down there with a card and a small gift and got him dinner he liked. I also always made sure he knew what we were doing for special occasions so he didn’t have to ask repeatedly what the plans were like I did this weekend and didn’t get a response to. You both should be the ones making the plans and telling me what you are going to do.
And Bxxx do you know calling me from your bathtub was obnoxious. It says “look at me, lounging in my tub which is more important to me than you on Fathers Day”.
Rxxx - it would have been nice if you got your lazy ass out of bed this morning and went and got me breakfast or lunch or something. Or even dessert after dinner.
I also was disappointed that you both took off right after the play Saturday night. It was like saying “I spent enough time with you, now it’s my time to do what I want”. That’s just being selfish. We used to point out the selfish things Mxxx and Dxxx did so you wouldn’t repeat them. I guess neither of you learned that lesson.
You are both adults now. Start acting like it. I shouldn’t have to tell you both how to act. I shouldn’t have to blow up and tell you I’m angry or disappointed by your actions or lack of them. It’s time you both grow up.
And while we are at it, you both need to start saying the words “I’m sorry” when you do something wrong. There is nothing wrong with admitting you made a mistake. For some reason neither of you do that, at least to me or mom. That just shows arrogance and a lack of humility. That’s not a good trait so cut it out and say you’re sorry when you do something wrong. Like now!
Needless to say I have received no response.
Let me say that my wife and I did not raise our kids this way. We raised them to be respectful and thoughtful. We may have spoiled them but we always reminded them of all that they have to be grateful for. We taught them to thank people for things they get and that family is very important. Im not sure how they got so inconsiderate.
Is it that they are of a generation of entitled kids who think they are owed everything? A friend says it is.
They both got jobs at 16 and worked for their pocket money. We paid for their college and grad school because we could and we felt it was important they not be burdened with student debt. We both also weren’t absentee parents who put their careers before them. In fact I gave up a couple of very lucrative opportunities to be home with them and to not move them far from family. We both attended virtually every school and sports event they had. We read to them every night and spent as much time together as a family as we could. That was certainly more than any other kid had. Overall we did all we could but it appears it was for naught.
Its a Hallmark Holiday, it means nothing, I would relax and would not have sent that message. Gifts mean nothing. How they treat me on all the days that are pot "father's day" is really all I can about. while I appreciated the silly ties and macaroni art paper plates when they were kids, at this point, I think trinkets and gifts are a waste of money. My son took me out for ice cream a few weeks ago after I took him out for dinner. It was a nice surprise, unnecessary and exactly what I love about him. I do not need anything for father's day. The laughter we had talking about old 80s basketball players during our dinner an dice cream was worth more than any gift I could get. My daughter on her first night home from college stayed home with me and mom and watched bad youtube videos and laughed. those are the things I want. Nothing for a silly fake day.
Did they acknowledge Father's Day better last year? And the years before that?
(Just curious.)
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
