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I think it's awful that your kids didn't do much for your Father's Day. I find it interesting that you let your wife off the hook for being too busy to remind the kids to do something. What does she think about this?
Has your wife said anything to the kids about your disappointment? Or is she ignoring the whole situation?
Your kids obviously don't appreciate everything you've done for them. Help paying for a house? Paying for their college? Your kids are lucky!
I think it's time for you and your wife to make a united front with the kids and let them know that you're both disappointed. If the kids keep this up, I'd definitely give an eviction notice to the adult living with you. I'd also change the budget for the other kids wedding.
I think it's awful that your kids didn't do much for your Father's Day. I find it interesting that you let your wife off the hook for being too busy to remind the kids to do something. What does she think about this?
Has your wife said anything to the kids about your disappointment? Or is she ignoring the whole situation?
Your kids obviously don't appreciate everything you've done for them. Help paying for a house? Paying for their college? Your kids are lucky!
I think it's time for you and your wife to make a united front with the kids and let them know that you're both disappointed. If the kids keep this up, I'd definitely give an eviction notice to the adult living with you. I'd also change the budget for the other kids wedding.
You are really suggesting an EVICTION NOTICE for someone who didn’t “appropriately” participate in an a Hallmark holiday? And blaming the wife? If the OP has expectations for Father’s Day, the best approach is for HIM to politely suggest what he might want instead of expecting his kids to mind read.
I feel like a lot of this comes down to high expectations. Now I think the kids should have done SOMETHING, and it sounds like they did nothing. That seems rude. But I know people who really have high expectations when it comes to holidays and I think they often end up disappointed. My mother is PITA about mother's day, father's day and what we do for birthdays. I try to do something but it can be tough celebrating birthdays and all these other holidays throughout the year all the time. She will put up a fuss if we don't have cake or find time to go out to dinner for like bdays all year and it's always me that she complains to. I think my DH gets annoyed as well as there are a bunch of birthdays that fall close to each other. Mothers day and fathers day are pretty close together as well. There are other things in life happening in addition to all these birthdays and holidays. I think sometimes people need to chill and not freak out if some of the holidays are more lax than others.
You are really suggesting an EVICTION NOTICE for someone who didn’t “appropriately” participate in an a Hallmark holiday? And blaming the wife? If the OP has expectations for Father’s Day, the best approach is for HIM to politely suggest what he might want instead of expecting his kids to mind read.
It isn’t a tit-for tat: “eviction” for blowing off their generous father on Father’s Day.
It was just a symptom that they expect their father to do what he is doing for them and don’t value it, don’t appreciate it and him as much as they should.
It means they are not living a real everyday life the majority of people are living.
It means they are not able to grow up as adults should - that was the parents failure by giving them something without it being earned.
It would be appropriate for parents to realize that and try to help their children by stopping their help.
The wedding money could be used for retirement investments instead.
Asking the younger son to find a rental with the roommates would be another life learning skill “help” to him
You mentioned that you spoiled your kids. They call it "spoiling" for a reason.
More often you hear people mentioning their gratitude for the tough lessons their parents taught them.
It sounds like the issue is more than just Fathers Day, maybe some repressed resentment for the freeloading?
Cut them off and next Fathers Day use the money you saved to buy yourself a present, you'll probably have enough for a new car.
Maybe it comes back to how they were treated as kids? Or often times the people who complain about not getting things on a certain day are the ones who people don't really want to do anything for. That's often how I feel with my mother. She has complained about what we didn't do for years.
I am in my mid-50s and am not a fan Hallmark holidays. I tell my kids they are not required to give me anything on Mother's Day. Same goes for my birthday or Christmas. I just don't need that kind of acknowledgement.
On the other hand, those days are very important to my mother. BUT, after many years of angst (hers, not mine), she now knows it's not intentional when I forget, and she offers me grace when her cards inevitably arrive late, or if the gift is just an Amazon gift card sent to her email, or if she doesn't get a call until the next day.
Fortunately, my father thinks it's NBD (case in point: I didn't call at all this Father's Day but he emailed to say thanks for the gift card I sent, and he got his card in the mail yesterday). I am my father's child.
Here’s how something like that would be handled in our family (with kids college age and below):
MOM would let the kids know it was hurtful to the dad to not acknowledge the day at all. Mom would also let them know that there are many ways one can honor the father. Things various kids did at my house: Dad’s chores, made Dad a card, spent time with Dad, cooked for Dad. Nobody but me (Mom) spent $ on him this year, and that was fine. Those that do nothing at all are the ones that received a discussion (not angry) from me.
Once I was college age, my parents never reminded my siblings or me to do something for the other one for special events. I know in my spouse’s family, just showing up to eat a meal was considered plenty.
Some people don't have mother or a father or an SO on Valentine's Day. So yeah some of these holidays are stupid to people. Some actually get offended and really sad on these days. I feel bad for the OP and he should talk to his kids but overall it seems like maybe he just feels unappreciated and has for a while.
But as I said, if one IS in a loving relationship with someone, if it IS important to the other person, act accordingly.
But as I said, if one IS in a loving relationship with someone, if it IS important to the other person, act accordingly.
I disagree. There are some people who make an unnecessarily big deal about holidays. Relationships are a two-way street, and gifts in particular are just that- GIFTS. The idea that someone is obligated to do X or spend Y as a GIFT defeats the purpose of making it a gift. We don’t know a lot about the OP, but if someone has an overbearing, demanding father who is “generous” but also has a lot of unrealistic demands on the children, why is it on the children to comply?
What we do see about the OP is that he was unhappy that they went to a play together and then elected to do stuff on their own after. If he didn’t tell them what he wanted, how would they know? I can say that my mom is a bit of a steamroller, BUT she is very blunt about what she wants. Sometimes she just need to be told that X or Y is not happening. Unlike the OP, she gets over things in about 5 minutes, so it is fine. On the other hand, there’s no trying to guess.
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