The Conversational Narcissist (woman, characteristics, relationship, people)
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I have a friend, who can be a good friend in other ways, but who does this with a twist. If you say a date, any date, she will relate it to something to do with her or her life.
So if I said I had a doctor's appointment for August 15, she might say, "August 15th? That's the day my Andrew was due! But he was born a month early. I was with my mother-in-law when my water broke, and..."
Every date is the birthday of someone in her life, the day the baby she miscarried 50 years ago was due, the day her father died, her cousin's anniversary...and she'll drop her jaw and her eyes will widen as if it's such a coincidence that what you said is on THE EXACT SAME DATE! as whatever she starts talking about.
It is a bit annoying, but somewhat amusing, except for once. A few years ago, I mentioned that an upcoming date would be 10 years since my brother had died. Her response was, "February 24? Why that's my friend Karen's birthday! We were friends as kids back in the Bronx. She lives in Connecticut now and her husband died last year, blah blah blah".
This time I got up and said, "I think I am going home. I'm kind of tired", and I left. I remember she looked somewhat puzzled.
My sister fits the bill to a certain extent. Whenever the family as a zoom meeting she talks and when finishes excuses herself logs off. She has a hard time listening to others.
This may sound strange, but I personally find these sort of people very restful and have purposely cultivated relationships (ok, maybe a little short of a real relationship where information is more of a two-way street) of this sort. A favorite friend of mine who has since moved away, used to take me on long car rides as he liked to look around at real estate. He would chat non-stop about himself, his life, particular experiences,etc. I uttered hmms, oh reallys at what seemed like appropriate places and let himself talk himself silly while I relaxed in the passenger's seat and let the words and the sound of the engine lull me to a rather comatose state, as I looked out the window.
No one demanding to know more about me or the particulars of my life... Superficial relationships are much easier and less taxing. As a fairly introverted person I find I am limited in the number of truly personal relationships I can/wish to sustain.
Conversational Narcissists can make for easy, light-hearted friendships I like easy and light-hearted.
I have a friend, who can be a good friend in other ways, but who does this with a twist. If you say a date, any date, she will relate it to something to do with her or her life.
This time I got up and said, "I think I am going home. I'm kind of tired", and I left. I remember she looked somewhat puzzled.
Is she possibly on the spectrum? I have a friend that must tell me the exact minute of everything. "The technician called at 2:38 pm." "I left you a message at 4:33!" "The mailman came at 5:22 today". I think they're right on the edge of the spectrum.
Is she possibly on the spectrum? I have a friend that must tell me the exact minute of everything. "The technician called at 2:38 pm." "I left you a message at 4:33!" "The mailman came at 5:22 today". I think they're right on the edge of the spectrum.
Ha, no I do that! More part of OCD in my case. . I also remember dates of everything and look for patterns in numbers, but I keep it inside my head.
I don't think she is on the spectrum, but she uses dates to turn the conversation back to herself. She always says she was very much her father's favorite, and I think that she just can't imagine that everyone else isn't equally fascinated with her.
I have a friend, who can be a good friend in other ways, but who does this with a twist. If you say a date, any date, she will relate it to something to do with her or her life.
So if I said I had a doctor's appointment for August 15, she might say, "August 15th? That's the day my Andrew was due! But he was born a month early. I was with my mother-in-law when my water broke, and..."
Every date is the birthday of someone in her life, the day the baby she miscarried 50 years ago was due, the day her father died, her cousin's anniversary...and she'll drop her jaw and her eyes will widen as if it's such a coincidence that what you said is on THE EXACT SAME DATE! as whatever she starts talking about.
It is a bit annoying, but somewhat amusing, except for once. A few years ago, I mentioned that an upcoming date would be 10 years since my brother had died. Her response was, "February 24? Why that's my friend Karen's birthday! We were friends as kids back in the Bronx. She lives in Connecticut now and her husband died last year, blah blah blah".
This time I got up and said, "I think I am going home. I'm kind of tired", and I left. I remember she looked somewhat puzzled.
Your friend is truly clueless. Sometime, as her friend, you might attempt to clue her in. Or maybe it would be wasted effort?
I had an acquaintance who talked and talked, ignoring my attempts to say anything. One day, he talked over me once too often, and I just walked away. He got it; that may not have been the last time he interrupted, but he didn't do it as often.
Mom was a full on narcissist. I remember one conversation:
Her: What did you do for Christmas?
Me: we went to Cambria, and...
Her: (interrupting) Oh, my friend Jeanne has a daughter who lives in Cambria! She does blah blah blah...
I didn't know or care about Jeanne or her family. Mom was clearly signaling that she didn't care about me.
And when I had major surgery, she announced she would be there with flowers when I woke up. I said I don't like visitors in the hospital (ugh, I feel awful and just want to be left alone, not entertain people and assure them I'm going to be OK) and suggested she come after I got home.
She didn't come at all, didn't call or send a card. I had prevented her from being the healing angel and star of the story.
This was on a par with the rest of our relationship, and I eventually gave up on her. I didn't bother seeing her for the last three or four years of her life.
Some of the posts here remind me of how my parents' generation (born in the 1920's) used to do that, the interrupting thing where they relate what you're saying to someone or something and they sprint off onto a tangent. That tangent can last 5 mins. or 20, depending. I wonder if it was a habit that was culturally ingrained at the time. You know, they didn't have TV growing up. They barely had radio. A lot of them didn't have a telephone, or if they did, it was a party line with at least 1 other but often up to 5 parties on one line! I remember stories about how people would listen in so you couldn't say anything you didn't want known all over town.
This tangent thing is something my dad - gotta love him - has always done. He has a pleasing personality and is very easy to be around. He often has interesting stories but still, peoples' eyes will sometimes glaze over while remaining polite. My kids hated it, but I grew up with it so I had guard against becoming the same way - it was what was modeled. I actually enjoyed it because my dad is an intellectually curious person with good stories. My mother and my aunt (my paternal uncle was also a talker) however, used to call it "The _____ Family verbal diarrhea."
My dad's 3rd wife on the other hand (the first two died), was a conversational narcissist. She would literally but in while you were speaking and start talking about something completely different than what you were talking about. You would be left thinking What the Hell??
Unfortunately, it made my kids hate her (I know, a strong word but that's how they felt). I had to insist that they be respectful and polite when they were in her presence. As time went on, I figured it was partly due to a hearing problem - but only 20%. The rest was pure narcissism. She was an over achiever who escaped a tiny town in the Midwest and was determined to make a name for herself. She also had a way of what is known in therapy as "elevating." She had to be better than you and others but it was done covertly, and not maliciously.
At her memorial, which was attended by over 100 people (she was a bit of a public figure) one of the eulogists made a joke about her "talking" - in a very nice way - and a lot of people cracked up. Yep. Nodding. A few rolled eyes while laughing. But, she was a good person so.... oh well.
^^And that my friends, is an example of "The _____ Family verbal diarrhea."
Last edited by pathrunner; 01-24-2022 at 01:42 PM..
Reason: Add a sentence
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I like easy and light-hearted.
. I also remember dates of everything and look for patterns in numbers, but I keep it inside my head. 
