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This was new for me. I had long wondered about my relative who always redirects the conversation back to herself. I had privately observed that in order to capture XX's attention, you need to be talking TO her ABOUT her. But I did not know it had a name.
It does.
She is a conversational narcissist, and it turns out the world is full of them. Her family is full of them for sure.
Do you know any? https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articl...%20narcissism.
This was new for me. I had long wondered about my relative who always redirects the conversation back to herself. I had privately observed that in order to capture XX's attention, you need to be talking TO her ABOUT her. But I did not know it had a name.
It does.
She is a conversational narcissist, and it turns out the world is full of them. Her family is full of them for sure.
Do you know any? https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articl...%20narcissism.
I was just noticing this about someone I hadn't seen since we were teens. She happened to be visiting a relative of a friend of mine, and we had a chat to catch up on news. Whenever anyone else offered news of what they'd been up to in life, she'd interrupt, and would redirect the conversation to herself. No one else seemed to notice, nor did they notice, that when they asked someone in the group a question, Ms. Convo Narcissist interrupted the response, so no one ever was able to get an answer to their question, and learn about the others in the group.
Thanks for posting this, OP. This is definitely a phenom. It helps to have it spelled out and given a name.
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they're eager to get their point across quickly without making true connections.
Wow, so true! It's not about making genuine connections; it's about turning conversations into a stage that they star on.
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Conversational narcissists will jump into the conversation while someone is midsentence,
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Conversational narcissists can't move away from their own agenda long enough to engage someone else in conversation, Behary says. "It's never really interpersonal or interactive. It becomes more of a soliloquy or a monologue."
So many insightful nuggets.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 01-22-2022 at 02:16 PM..
This was new for me. I had long wondered about my relative who always redirects the conversation back to herself. I had privately observed that in order to capture XX's attention, you need to be talking TO her ABOUT her. But I did not know it had a name. It does.
She is a conversational narcissist, and it turns out the world is full of them. Her family is full of them for sure.
Do you know any?
I have a 2nd cousin who was like this. I decided not to stay in contact with her because every conversation had to be about her. When I would start to talk about my stuff and what's going on with me, she would suddenly "need to go." After a few times of this, I decided to test the waters. When she said she needed to go, I would change the subject back to her. One time she stayed an extra hour. That's when I decided to let the contact fade away.
Others have experienced this, too.
Good. That sort of serves as a reality check for me. Unfortunately, I am married into a nest of conversational narcissists and some of them are people I really care about. Somehow, knowing that their actions are driven by an insecurity helps me deal with them. I think at some level I always knew that, but it sure helps when a professional weighs in.
The important thing to me is that these people are not true narcissists who can become sociopaths. They sometimes are people with a very bad habit.
Others have experienced this, too.
Good. That sort of serves as a reality check for me. Unfortunately, I am married into a nest of conversational narcissists and some of them are people I really care about. Somehow, knowing that their actions are driven by an insecurity helps me deal with them. I think at some level I always knew that, but it sure helps when a professional weighs in.
The important thing to me is that these people are not true narcissists who can become sociopaths. They sometimes are people with a very bad habit.
Sometimes in large families, there's unintentional competition simply to be heard. Interrupting may be the norm. It may not be insecurity, or then again could be. Stating this because you used the word "nest", sounds like a large family.
I have a 2nd cousin who was like this. I decided not to stay in contact with her because every conversation had to be about her. When I would start to talk about my stuff and what's going on with me, she would suddenly "need to go." After a few times of this, I decided to test the waters. When she said she needed to go, I would change the subject back to her. One time she stayed an extra hour. That's when I decided to let the contact fade away.
That is so rude. I like that you confirmed it with a test and stopped putting up with it. Doesn't surprise me a narcissist (conversational or otherwise) would stick around an hour longer to talk about themself.
She was nice in other ways which I won't go into here for confidentiality reasons but yeah it was frustrating to deal with that. And to make matters worse, my mother was also a conversational narcissist who abused, scapegoated, gaslighted and defamed me. She had that same cousin believing every word she said so there was that too. It was not fun. My mother would tell me "you're hogging the conversation" especially in front of others at gatherings. Then she would take over and proceed to hog the conversation!
One of the things I have finally learned in my old age, is that there is a strength in listening. You learn so much about people that way. When you don’t get a chance to share from your own life, there is a strength in that as well. In a sense, you remain a mystery to others, and that’s OK.
Often, I think people talk about themselves because they need to. They literally need to unburden themselves. If you can bring yourself to quietly listen, you are doing a huge favor.
One segment of our family almost never asks about us. When we contact them, the sharing is always one sided. DH listens and absorbs. What I take from this interaction is that they really don’t care about our immediate family. That’s what I have learned. It does not make me dislike them. But if I know this, I won’t expect caring behavior from them. And, there is no hostility.
As I get ever older, I remind myself to listen more and talk less. There is power in doing that. By temperament, I am a talker. I continue to practice listening.
I have so many of these people in my life that it isn't funny. I hate conversing with them, or even being in the same room. Everything has to be about them, them, them. I never realized until reading this thread that there was a name for that.
I have a friend, who can be a good friend in other ways, but who does this with a twist. If you say a date, any date, she will relate it to something to do with her or her life.
So if I said I had a doctor's appointment for August 15, she might say, "August 15th? That's the day my Andrew was due! But he was born a month early. I was with my mother-in-law when my water broke, and..."
Every date is the birthday of someone in her life, the day the baby she miscarried 50 years ago was due, the day her father died, her cousin's anniversary...and she'll drop her jaw and her eyes will widen as if it's such a coincidence that what you said is on THE EXACT SAME DATE! as whatever she starts talking about.
It is a bit annoying, but somewhat amusing, except for once. A few years ago, I mentioned that an upcoming date would be 10 years since my brother had died. Her response was, "February 24? Why that's my friend Karen's birthday! We were friends as kids back in the Bronx. She lives in Connecticut now and her husband died last year, blah blah blah".
This time I got up and said, "I think I am going home. I'm kind of tired", and I left. I remember she looked somewhat puzzled.
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