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It's not 'labeling' just for the sake of labeling nor is it a 'compulsion to label'.
Psychology is the study of human behavior, with one goal being the understanding of human of behavior.
In a society, it is helpful to study and understand human behavior. And to accumulate knowledge of the patterns, causes, types, and range of human behaviors.
My daughter had to complete a survey for school and one of the questions stuck with me. "Can you tell when people are bored with you?" This has really shaped my approach to conversations.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
I don't see it as a compulsion, and it's not about labeling people for the sake of labeling them. It's about trying to make sense out of a topsy-turvy world sometimes, or out of "off"-seeming aspects of it.
It's helpful for someone to point out, the X behavior is actually part of a syndrome, so that you don't doubt your own perceptions, and you have a clearer understanding of the people around you. Instead of scratching your head after an evening of chit-chat that was oddly unsatisfying, and wondering what went wrong, and asking yourself the inevitable "is it just me?", you can recognize off-base behavior when you see it. Once you recognize it and understand it to some extent, you can make better choices about how to respond to it.
Knowledge is empowering. Don't knock it, or stigmatize it by calling it a "compulsion to label people". That's not what this is about at all, IMO.
I know that feeling. Just reading the bolded is satisfying.
Not gonna lie, I am probably guilty of this at times. I am usually keenly aware of when it's happening, and try to step back and hand the conversational reins to the other person. Unfortunately, I am friends with a lot of introverts. I am an introvert with extroverted tendencies. So I tend to talk A LOT more than my friends do. My wife is much more extroverted than me, and sometimes can monopolize a conversation. She's also aware of this tendency and tries her best to fix it. With all the isolation, it's probably gotten a bit worse.
I tend to talk a lot. I try hard now to listen. I mentally “get in the groove” by stopping, looking at the person, and telling myself to listen. For people like us, there needs to be intention. We have to desire to give this gift. And honestly, it is a gift.
If someone is horribly self centered and insufferable, I will offer a different viewpoint. And, I am not talking about people who go off on political rants. No one wants to listen to those. But if someone needs to unburden herself, or is going through something, it is a gift to listen.
I often wonder how different the world would be if we spent more time thinking about how we affect others than how they affect us. That's just not in our natures. Takes a conscious effort.
You know, because the bottom line in psychiatry is working where we have the power to make change. And usually that's ourselves. I think most of us, upon first hearing that, aren't very happy with the idea but it eventually turns out to be the good news.
I have a sphere of influence and personal power I wasn't aware of! I can make adjustments to myself that can create positive change in my little world by changing the way I think and act toward others.
I often wonder how different the world would be if we spent more time thinking about how we affect others than how they affect us. That's just not in our natures. Takes a conscious effort.
You know, because the bottom line in psychiatry is working where we have the power to make change. And usually that's ourselves. I think most of us, upon first hearing that, aren't very happy with the idea but it eventually turns out to be the good news.
I have a sphere of influence and personal power I wasn't aware of! I can make adjustments to myself that can create positive change in my little world by changing the way I think and act toward others.
I thought that's what parents are for; to raise kids to be thoughtful of others, and to consider the impact of their words before they speak. The old "words can't be taken back, once spoken", idea. I boil that advice down to "think before you blurt". I thought it was a basic skill parents taught their kids.
The problems come in when you have a seemingly growing number of people with personality disorders or other mental illness, that are overpowered by their compulsions, or who simply lack the ability to empathize and put themselves in other people's shoes. It's been suggested elsewhere on these forums, that in some cases, it's a faulty brain development issue.
I often wonder how different the world would be if we spent more time thinking about how we affect others than how they affect us. That's just not in our natures. Takes a conscious effort.
You know, because the bottom line in psychiatry is working where we have the power to make change. And usually that's ourselves. I think most of us, upon first hearing that, aren't very happy with the idea but it eventually turns out to be the good news.
I have a sphere of influence and personal power I wasn't aware of! I can make adjustments to myself that can create positive change in my little world by changing the way I think and act toward others.
My brother is in his mid-70s. When he was younger, he often complained about "old people" who only talk about their "aches and pains." Guess what he talks about now? Granted, he has had some serious health problems including two heart valve replacements (same valve, first replacement failed catastrophically after 7 years). We live on opposite sides of the country and aren't very close, so we don't talk often, but when we do, as soon as I get the latest health update, he asks how I'm doing, and as soon as I get a sentence or two out, he hastily ends the conversation - sometimes right as I'm talking.
Can anyone suggest a way to handle the constant babble from someone that you don't want to hurt? I'm damaging myself by not wanting to hurt them and now its affecting me mentally. There are 3 people in my life that I have this issue with. 2 of them go on and on about medical issues or their mothers medical issues and one of them talks so much she barely takes a breath. I've stopped answering the phone. Text only. The one person I interact with in person keeps right on talking even though I'm sitting silent and barely acknowledging what they're saying. 2 of these people live alone and one is married but the husband doesn't pay any attention to her. I live alone too, but I don't do this to people.
The talking is NONSTOP about topics that I cant relate to and have no interest in. Stories about co-workers (who I don't know), people at their gym (who I don't know) family or things that happened when they were kids. Same stories I've heard over and over. Just non stop talking about anything.
I know part of the problem is me being intolerant. I'm just not interested in what is being said. The conversations bore me. I'm at a time in my life where I'm more aware of the time I have left in this life. My time is precious and I don't want to waste it.
Can anyone suggest a way to handle the constant babble from someone that you don't want to hurt? I'm damaging myself by not wanting to hurt them and now its affecting me mentally. There are 3 people in my life that I have this issue with. 2 of them go on and on about medical issues or their mothers medical issues and one of them talks so much she barely takes a breath. I've stopped answering the phone. Text only. The one person I interact with in person keeps right on talking even though I'm sitting silent and barely acknowledging what they're saying. 2 of these people live alone and one is married but the husband doesn't pay any attention to her. I live alone too, but I don't do this to people.
The talking is NONSTOP about topics that I cant relate to and have no interest in. Stories about co-workers (who I don't know), people at their gym (who I don't know) family or things that happened when they were kids. Same stories I've heard over and over. Just non stop talking about anything.
I know part of the problem is me being intolerant. I'm just not interested in what is being said. The conversations bore me. I'm at a time in my life where I'm more aware of the time I have left in this life. My time is precious and I don't want to waste it.
I don't think you are being too intolerant, I think you are being too nice.
I consider myself to be a nice person, but when I have encountered such people in the past, I would listen for about five minutes (but no more than ten) and then change the subject when she stopped for breath. I know that you cannot politely just leave or ask the person to leave if it is during an in-person visit, but if it is on the phone and changing the subject doesn't work, I would make an excuse -- "I'm sorry, but I really must start dinner now (or whatever)" and if she continued to talk, I would say, "I am sorry, but I do have to go now. Bye."
Sometimes you just have to stand up for yourself.
Last edited by katharsis; 02-11-2024 at 09:17 AM..
One of the things I have finally learned in my old age, is that there is a strength in listening. You learn so much about people that way. When you don’t get a chance to share from your own life, there is a strength in that as well. In a sense, you remain a mystery to others, and that’s OK.
It's more than okay in my book. I tend to be very private and prefer that people don't know things about me or my life. I'm a listener as well, and sometimes encounter people who more or less spill out their entire life story within thirty minutes of meeting them while I nod and smile. Are they conversational narcissists or is it just normal human nature to communicate about oneself?
I avoid putting myself 'on a podium' as much as possible and usually try to steer conversations away from myself. Anti-narcissist?
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