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I haven't lived in any other states in quite some time, but I seem to run into a lot of these people in my home state of NJ. So either there is a large number of them here, or the number of them in the country/world is staggering.
I get fed up with these people really fast. It's childlike behavior.
I haven't lived in any other states in quite some time, but I seem to run into a lot of these people in my home state of NJ. So either there is a large number of them here, or the number of them in the country/world is staggering.
I get fed up with these people really fast. It's childlike behavior.
It really is. As I said, my friend who does this is 81. I have known her for 10 years, and she certainly does not have dementia. She's gearing up to do income tax for about 20 people in the neighborhood, which she does every year with another friend to make a few extra bucks. She worked the last election for nine days straight because of early voting.
But she adored her father who doted on her, and he died when she was 16. She still tears up talking about him. I think she is simply always looking for that lost sense that the sun revolves around her. She glows at the slightest flattery. Part of her is stuck in childhood.
I haven't lived in any other states in quite some time, but I seem to run into a lot of these people in my home state of NJ. So either there is a large number of them here, or the number of them in the country/world is staggering.
I get fed up with these people really fast. It's childlike behavior.
That exact detail in addressed in one of the Youtube videos. The psychologist was asked her opinion about the number of actual narcissists - not just conversational narcissists - in the general population.
She said it depends on where you are. At the time, she was speaking in Los Angeles and she said LA was ground zero for narcissists.
But, she pointed out, it all depends on who you are with. If you go to a party with Hollywood actors and elites it will be a good 50%. Go to a class in Sociology 101, there will be hardly any. The few that are taking sociology 101 will probably be be prosocial narcissists who will take care to make sure their many good deeds are noticed and rewarded. Posing with starving children will be their dream.
I watched 2 relatives last night at dinner. While person A was talking to person B, person B became bored and picked up the newspaper to read the obits. While I was talking to person B, person A suddenly interrupted by thrusting a picture of a baby in person B's face.
I get the feeling that these people find some people useful but they have no actual interest in them.
That exact detail in addressed in one of the Youtube videos. The psychologist was asked her opinion about the number of actual narcissists - not just conversational narcissists - in the general population.
She said it depends on where you are. At the time, she was speaking in Los Angeles and she said LA was ground zero for narcissists.
But, she pointed out, it all depends on who you are with. If you go to a party with Hollywood actors and elites it will be a good 50%. Go to a class in Sociology 101, there will be hardly any. The few that are taking sociology 101 will probably be be prosocial narcissists who will take care to make sure their many good deeds are noticed and rewarded. Posing with starving children will be their dream.
I watched 2 relatives last night at dinner. While person A was talking to person B, person B became bored and picked up the newspaper to read the obits. While I was talking to person B, person A suddenly interrupted by thrusting a picture of a baby in person B's face.
I get the feeling that these people find some people useful but they have no actual interest in them.
That made me snicker audibly. I would be the one to pick up the paper and read when someone was talking to me about themselves.
My own mother had some conversational narcissism in her, and I learned it from her but became aware earlier in life when a few people within a short period of time said, "This is not about you" or something similar. I was embarrassed, but I realized what I was doing.
For a time as an adult I lived back in my parents' home, where my brother had also returned after a divorce. He liked to sit at the kitchen table and read the paper, sometimes reading aloud something of interest. One day he said, "Oh no, some young guy in town was killed on his motorcycle when someone cut him off."
My mother's response, was, "That just happened to me the other day."
My brother said, "Really, Mom? You were killed in a motorcycle accident?" She got annoyed and said, "No, somebody cut me off!"
But that was her style. She'd find something in whatever was said that she could use to turn the conversation to herself without a word, for example, toward the tragedy that a young man had lost his life. It was an automatic reaction in her.
She did lend an ear to many people and since she'd dealt with some hard situations in life, people came to her for advice and to tell their tales of woe over a cup of tea. People loved my mother. It was mostly within the family that the narcissism and neediness came out.
I dunno. We live in a self-centered culture at present. Seems like this characteristic is widespread.
I have a younger friend like this. An hour with her on the phone is like a day. All I have to do is say, "Mmm-Hmm" every now and then and she'll do her own talk therapy.
But out in the "real world" she does immeasurable good. She aids abused Hispanic women in a nonprofit. Helps them get education, find work, etc. There are many, many people who owe their safe existence to her need to shine.
Narcissist or not I figure by the time she's off work she needs a boost herself. You can't give from an empty bucket even if you pretend you can.
I tread lightly with these labels. Just put on my protective gear when she calls and like to think I'm refueling her for her next battle with the world's evils.
Face it. Most of us have at least one damn annoying habit. I always hope someone is also looking at my best efforts in spite of my faults and giving them good weight in their judgment.
Afterthought. You know, I know the people she's hurt, too. I've seen her shadow side. Like mine it's ugly.
What's the best thing we can do for people who make hurtful mistakes? Help them stay focused on their good points, I guess.
I dunno. We live in a self-centered culture at present. Seems like this characteristic is widespread.
I have a younger friend like this. An hour with her on the phone is like a day. All I have to do is say, "Mmm-Hmm" every now and then and she'll do her own talk therapy.
But out in the "real world" she does immeasurable good. She aids abused Hispanic women in a nonprofit. Helps them get education, find work, etc. There are many, many people who owe their safe existence to her need to shine.
Narcissist or not I figure by the time she's off work she needs a boost herself. You can't give from an empty bucket even if you pretend you can.
I tread lightly with these labels. Just put on my protective gear when she calls and like to think I'm refueling her for her next battle with the world's evils.
Face it. Most of us have at least one damn annoying habit. I always hope someone is also looking at my best efforts in spite of my faults and giving them good weight in their judgment.
Afterthought. You know, I know the people she's hurt, too. I've seen her shadow side. Like mine it's ugly.
What's the best thing we can do for people who make hurtful mistakes? Help them stay focused on their good points, I guess.
This was new for me. I had long wondered about my relative who always redirects the conversation back to herself. I had privately observed that in order to capture XX's attention, you need to be talking TO her ABOUT her. But I did not know it had a name.
It does.
She is a conversational narcissist, and it turns out the world is full of them. Her family is full of them for sure.
Do you know any?
Oh, I do this all the time.
See, I just did it now! Hahaah, just kidding.
Question I would ask is... is this actually something that's on the DSM? Or is this a made-up term that someone is looking to get ON the DSM? I think far too often, we assign labels to something that is slightly aberrant to what people consider "normal" behavior, and wham... "that's... <whatever>."
Conversation between two people, in a non-professional sense... is generally about agreements. You get to these agreements by sharing experiences. Socialization is a skill, something that a lot of people lack today in this internet-connected world. But for many people, sharing experiences is how they can communicate that desire for back and forth. Many people may make statements (about themselves) to relate or associate, so we shouldn't assume it's narcissism.
There's other reasons why people always bring the conversation back to themselves, and that can also be because they feel insecure, or have a... what is it, a self esteem problem. Particularly if they are talking with someone who is intelligent or accomplished, they may throw things in there so YOU think they are important and special, not realizing that it just makes them look pathetic.
Note: I am not a psychologist, or psychiatrist... but I've had absolutely wild careers thus far, and it's had me work with people who are extreme narcissists, others who suffer from all levels of Asperger's syndrome, as well as people who are intentionally trained to manipulate you for information... so this has just been my observation.
I think what it comes down to (for the most part) is that as a society, we have proper etiquette for having a discussion / conversation. If parents, or a teacher, does not address certain deviance from an individual, they will not learn. I'm sure we've all been told... "you learn more by listening."
.............Question I would ask is... is this actually something that's on the DSM? Or is this a made-up term that someone is looking to get ON the DSM? I think far too often, we assign labels to something that is slightly aberrant to what people consider "normal" behavior, and wham... "that's... <whatever>."............
DSM: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.
I really doubt we are talking about a personality disorder of any sort here. That's kind of a different subject. We're talking more about quirky behavior than anything else.
I think the value in these discussions lies in our ability and willingness to find shortcomings in ourselves, or maybe to begin to tolerate those around us a little more.
I think I have seen public figures whose narcissism evolved (and worsened) as their power grew. And there is a lesson to be learned in that observation if one is to retain his hold on the reality that we are all just people.
There is little doubt that at the level we are talking about narcissism can be a learned behavior. And if that is true then it must be true that narcissism can be un-learned, too. If have never seen a narcissist fall off his perch, but it must have happened.
DSM: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.
I really doubt we are talking about a personality disorder of any sort here. That's kind of a different subject. We're talking more about quirky behavior than anything else.
I think the value in these discussions lies in our ability and willingness to find shortcomings in ourselves, or maybe to begin to tolerate those around us a little more.
I think I have seen public figures whose narcissism evolved (and worsened) as their power grew. And there is a lesson to be learned in that observation if one is to retain his hold on the reality that we are all just people.
There is little doubt that at the level we are talking about narcissism can be a learned behavior. And if that is true then it must be true that narcissism can be un-learned, too. If have never seen a narcissist fall off his perch, but it must have happened.
I guess I failed in what I was trying to convey, because you more or less summarized my opinion on this. I do think it's learned behavior, and I think it's important for parents, teachers, etc... to explain to kids growing up what we as a society consider societal norms for communicating.
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