Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Like I said previously, I want to navigate this carefully without getting her in trouble. I don't think she has any malicious intent, it's just she just doesn't realize she's being too intrusive (as well as sharing a lot of personal life details with people you've only known a month).
A couple of weeks ago, she asked me if I was married. Innocent question. Yes, 42 years. Then she asked me if I or my DH ever "cheat". I'm gob smacked. I understand that her current deadbeat SO cheats on her and she complains about him. I don't know what relationship he is to her kids (other than he's not the father of her youngest). Other than helping her in her new job, I don't want to get involved with her personally. She's way too Jerry Springer.
I do want to get her trained. She's not stupid, just unfocused.
Please separate good intentions and work. Can you privately explain to her that personal questions are something you do not welcome and that she has to focus on her assigned tasks? Take notes of the conversation. If nothing changes discuss it with your supervisor and HR. Unload the monkey. The school may be better served with someone else.
It has a lot less with some pearl-clutching modesty and more to do with pay equity. There are absolutely situations where two people start the same job at the same level and make differing amounts of money. Why is salary such a guarded secret? If there are reasons that someone is paid more than a colleague in the same role, why not be transparent about it? Wouldn't you want to know if you were being exploited?
Yea - no.
Nothing to do with modesty. And maybe as a male (albeit still a minority), my perspective is different. But pay equality shouldn't come at the cost of privacy. Now - disclaimer, I'm a Federal employee and I'm fully aware that my info is out there.
That said - generally, my salary is my business. I chose to accept a job at X pay - and that's on me if I should have/could have gotten more. While I certainly am not defending those that exploit others - the bottom line is that by accepting, I am still accountable for my own actions. Again, I get that there are situations where someone may be exploited because they may not have a lot of options. But, that is more the exception vs. the norm.
Why is salary a close guarded secret? Because I chose it to be. Just as I choose to keep my personal life to myself. The fact that someone else MIGHT be able to benefit from it doesn't obligate me to sacrifice my privacy.
Like I said previously, I want to navigate this carefully without getting her in trouble. I don't think she has any malicious intent, it's just she just doesn't realize she's being too intrusive (as well as sharing a lot of personal life details with people you've only known a month).
A couple of weeks ago, she asked me if I was married. Innocent question. Yes, 42 years. Then she asked me if I or my DH ever "cheat". I'm gob smacked. I understand that her current deadbeat SO cheats on her and she complains about him. I don't know what relationship he is to her kids (other than he's not the father of her youngest). Other than helping her in her new job, I don't want to get involved with her personally. She's way too Jerry Springer.
I do want to get her trained. She's not stupid, just unfocused.
Then tell her that. Have a heart to heart with her about the boundaries between professional and personal relationships.
Tell her you think she's a smart person, working hard to establish herself, and that you would like to help train her so that she can keep this job. Point out that if she sticks with it, there are promotions, pay increases, etc. It's a good job for a mother. You are off when your kids are out of school. Benefits. ...
However, you are not going to get involved with her personal life. You are not going to give her your phone number, talk with her about your salary and tax deductions, or talk with her about any of her personal life matters beyond the friendly, work banter such as kid's Halloween costumes, etc.
You will not be talking with her about your marriage. Nor will you be talking with her about her current boyfriend, Those are private matters, not business matters.
Point out that she is not getting her work done. Wandering around from one station to the next is not helpful.
I need to know a tactful way to handle this. I'm head cook at a school cafeteria (aged 63) and am training a 20-something-year-old new hire. In the interim we received our first pay checks for the year, she's been voicing concerns over the amount of taxes taken out of her checks. I explained that the payroll taxes are a percentage taken out of the gross amount, and it's going to vary depending on her number of hours worked and the gross amount of her pay. "The more you make, the more they take". She doesn't comprehend it. She's been persistently asking how much in taxes is taken out of MY check...and how much I'm paid. Now, bear in mind I'm 63, have zero dependents at home, and my withholding reflects that. She has four children, custody of three, so her withholding is different.
I told her if she has issues/questions about her tax withholding, to see Administration (where payroll is handled). She hasn't yet, to my knowledge, but she's still asking me how much I make. I've worked there 13 years, have a higher classification, more hours, and I do earn more than most of my co-workers (and have a lot more responsibility), but that's not hers or anyone else's business. She's a bit too much of a "social butterfly" IMO, spending more time talking to others than paying attention to training, and I suspect she's been asking other co-workers about their checks. I don't want her to get in trouble, but she doesn't seem to realize she's overstepping boundaries.
Just tell her "It's none of your business". I don't see a problem with telling her the truth, which is that it's none of her damned business.
The OP might already have her answer, but in case she hasn't, I've had similar situations... at least twice.
In 1 situation, company policy dictated that coworkers not reveal salaries to each other but that didn't stop this woman, who was aggressive in knowing my salary & making me nervous... I was very young & she was so aggressive she scared me with her intensity. I'm sure she singled me out cuz I was a teen & the most approachable in the dept... she even followed me to the bathroom to keep up with her queries.
I did the same as the OP, saying our situations & deductions differed, but nothing short of me showing her my paystub was going to appease her.
Finally, I said that they might very well have made a mistake on her paycheck, so don't ask me cuz I'm not an accountant & run don't walk to HR to look into it. She did. I did the same the 2nd time... just kept giving the I'm not the one who can help you story & referred them to HR, or Administration in your case.
"Jane, if you have questions about your pay, go to Mrs. Jones. How much anyone else makes is none of your business. Meanwhile, you need to pay attention to learning your job, not socializing. Starting today, you need to learn that paperwork. Get it right or I have to speak to Mr. Jones myself. Now get busy."
I see it differently. But do it cautiously and trust your instincts.
Jobs can say you should not discuss your salary,but legally,they CAN NOT. They can NOT fire you for discussing wages.
Me and another Rn were talking about hourly pay one time. She asked me how much I was making. I told her. She was making $3 less than I was. I told her she should ask about that first thing in the morning to the administrator. She thanked me next time she saw me.
Another time,I did not say anything. An Lpn asked me how much I was making hourly. We wer just talking about random thing when she blurted that out. I told her "I thought we are not to discuss wages per the administrator"? She did not say anything after that. But I found out later she thought I was an Lpn. I have a theory why she did not think I was an RN,but I think it will take on a racial tone,even though said nurse was hispanic.
I had a little chat about newbie with my supervisor, who has also been my friend for many years before she was promoted to her position. She was the one who actually mentored and helped ME when I started. She's not happy about newbie's performance so far and agrees I'm not doing her any favors by staying late, because it's not helping her to work independently, think for herself, and remember what I've already shown her umpteen times. And to just have someone to chatter to. Paying me those extra hours isn't in budget. We'll continue to both work with her (and redirect her), but it's going to have to be a joint effort.
I do have to hand her one thing...even with four small kids (youngest are 2 and 1), she hasn't missed a day of work so far and she's always on time. She had to take her baby to the doctor (she wasn't ill, it was just a checkup), but she did that on Monday's Inservice Day when we were off. That shows good work ethic, IMO. We're encouraged to make our non-emergency appointments on the school off-days.
Our next payday is in about two weeks. If newbie brings up taxes and pay again, I am going to do/say nothing more than give her the name of the gal in Administration who handles payroll.
Last edited by Mrs. Skeffington; 09-27-2023 at 02:36 AM..
We are not union. I'm not her boss or anyone else's for that matter...she's strictly food prep, and I've been assigned by the cafeteria supervisor to train her. She's a nice girl, but very "scattered" (ADD maybe?) A "work in progress" as the cafeteria supervisor says (sarcastically). Our shifts mesh over an hour and a half, which is when I "train" her. It's been slow going. The supervisor says that after I leave for the day, she spends a lot of time flitting from area to area, offering "help" but basically wanting to talk. She hasn't been completing her own tasks or filling out the necessary end of day paperwork (I've stayed late or come back for half an hour at the end of her work day to make sure she gets it done).
I do want to get her trained. She's not stupid, just unfocused.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Skeffington
I had a little chat about newbie with my supervisor, who has also been my friend for many years before she was promoted to her position. She was the one who actually mentored and helped ME when I started. She's not happy about newbie's performance so far and agrees I'm not doing her any favors by staying late, because it's not helping her to work independently, think for herself, and remember what I've already shown her umpteen times. And to just have someone to chatter to. Paying me those extra hours isn't in budget. We'll continue to both work with her (and redirect her), but it's going to have to be a joint effort.
I do have to hand her one thing...even with four small kids (youngest are 2 and 1), she hasn't missed a day of work so far and she's always on time. She had to take her baby to the doctor (she wasn't ill, it was just a checkup), but she did that on Monday's Inservice Day when we were off. That shows good work ethic, IMO. We're encouraged to make our non-emergency appointments on the school off-days.
Our next payday is in about two weeks. If newbie brings up taxes and pay again, I am going to do/say nothing more than give her the name of the gal in Administration who handles payroll.
Does she have a checklist of things she needs to accomplish by the end of her shift or is all the instruction verbal?
Another thought is to ask her to put together a checklist for your review.
I would let her know that at this point, she needs to be able to work independently and not rely on you to oversee her work.
We are not union. I'm not her boss or anyone else's for that matter...she's strictly food prep, and I've been assigned by the cafeteria supervisor to train her. She's a nice girl, but very "scattered" (ADD maybe?) A "work in progress" as the cafeteria supervisor says (sarcastically). Our shifts mesh over an hour and a half, which is when I "train" her. It's been slow going. The supervisor says that after I leave for the day, she spends a lot of time flitting from area to area, offering "help" but basically wanting to talk. She hasn't been completing her own tasks or filling out the necessary end of day paperwork (I've stayed late or come back for half an hour at the end of her work day to make sure she gets it done).
The kitchen area is a bit isolated from the other areas and there's no one back there to talk to at that time of the day (the other food preppers and I are gone by that time). It could be hard for a "social" person.
As far as payroll tax withholding, she's had a previous food prep cafeteria job in another district, so I don't understand the confusion there.
In addition to my tax info and pay rate, she's also been asking for my phone number. No, I don't want to give her that, either.
The supervisor needs to get her in line. All you can really do is tell her your pay is private/personal and it’s neither here nor there as to how much she is making. If she has had a job in the past, her confusion over taxes makes no sense. Maybe she is legitimately not a bright person? But again, this is not your problem so putting your foot down next time she brings is up hopefully will get the point across.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
